


The Music We Make

by jessikur



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Drama, F/M, Lemon, Music, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:54:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 90,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22350658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessikur/pseuds/jessikur
Summary: Rosie is the new producer working with a7x on their album City of Evil. She works one-on-one with Brian, the guitarist. At first, he is unsure of her, but as time passes, things change...
Relationships: Brian Haner/OC, Synyster Gates/Original Character(s), Synyster Gates/Original Female Character(s), Zacky V/OC, Zacky Vengeance/Original Character(s), Zacky Vengeance/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on another fanfiction site. It was posted under my username, J.J. but I cannot use that same name on ao3 :)

CH 1: Meeting the Band

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. This was what I was good at, I reminded myself; this is what I was the best at. No one could tell me otherwise, not even a new band that I had never worked with before.

Every time I start a new job I feel like this; my stomach was in knots and my hands felt clammy. I knew that I was good at my job and that I would be able to produce an awesome record, but meeting new people was just not my thing. In the past I’d worked with bands who treated me like shit, who were pretentious, and overbearing. But I had also worked with musicians who were wonderful, who would hear my perspective and ideas, and have become my friends. I just hated the anticipation of not knowing how my newest band will be.

I had been working for Warner Bros. Records for a few years as a sound engineer. I worked with some wonderful guys who have taught me a lot about the process and I know that from my schooling and their help, I am pretty damn good at what I do. Though I’m not the lead producer now, I eventually see myself becoming one someday when I have more experience.

Fred and Mudrock were awesome and always made me feel better when I got nervous about a new band coming in. I loved when I got the chance to work with the both of them; they were fantastic at their jobs and so fun to work with. I had worked with other engineers for other records, and though I love what I do, it makes a huge different when you have fun with who you work with.

I was the first one in the studio, which was normal. I made coffee, made sure we had some food for the band, and got everything ready for the day. I kept myself busy to keep my mind off of my nerves. I was so focused that I didn’t even hear Fred and Mudrock come into the studio.

“Hey, Rosemary,” Fred said and I almost rolled my eyes at his use of my full name. “Nervous?”

I chuckled, “How could you tell?”

Mudrock laughed, “This studio has never been so damn clean! You’ve been busy.”

I slumped down into a chair then, feeling myself relax now that they were here. “You know how I get when a new group comes in.” I rolled my eyes at myself.

Fred sat next to me, “Do worry, Rosie. Avenged Sevenfold is a really awesome group of young guys. Mudrock and I produced their last album too and we loved working with them. They’re really talented and fun to work with.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Hopefully they don’t mind that I’m joining the team this time.”

“Once they hear your work, I’m sure they’ll be happy,” Mudrock said. This was a huge compliment coming from the man.

A moment later, five young, really good looking men came through the studio doors, obviously excited to be here. They were heavily tattooed and a few of them were pretty muscular. I swallowed heavily, my nerves increasing as I looked at the really gorgeous men.

“Hey, motherfuckers!” the tallest one yelled. He immediately hugged Fred, then Mudrock, laughing the entire time.

“Hey, Jimmy,” Fred said with a laugh as they hugged. He then proceeded to shake hands with the rest of the band. Brian, Matt, Johnny, and Zack were the other guys. I put their names in my memory.

“Guys, this is Rosie,” Mudrock said, pointing to me. “She’s going to help us produce this time. She really kicks ass at her job.” I appreciated him adding the last part. I could tell I was being scrutinized a little bit, at least by two of the guys. Matt and Brian, I think.

“A whole lotta Rose-ay!!” Jimmy yelled, singing the line to the ACDC song. He gave me a hug right after, making me laugh. “I’m Jimmy!” he said as he squeezed me tight.

“Hey, Jimmy,” I said quietly, giggling again in nerves.

When Jimmy let me go, Zack put out his hand to introduce himself. Then Johnny, then Matt, and lastly Brian. He was slow to shake my hand, as if he seemed unsure of me, which made me even more nervous than before.

“I’ll be leading the producing,” Mudrock stated, even though we already knew this. “Fred will be working with Matt, Johnny, and Jimmy for the most part. Rosie will work with Zack and Brian. She’s got a real talent for engineering the guitar parts, so I figured this would be best.”

Zack nodded, but Brian looked stoic and kind of pissed off. The rest of the guys didn’t seem to care, which was good, but then again, they didn’t have to work with the new girl.

We all sat at the table in the kitchen area. We discussed the record, what the band’s goals were, and how they wanted it to sound. They already had a lot of the songs written and demos ready, which was such a relief. I hated when bands came in with their music half-assed. It made the process so much more difficult, especially for the typical musician.  
This was one of the most important days of the recording process because it allowed us producers to really know the band and what their vision was. Fred and Mudrock had more experience with these guys, so as they laughed and chatted about the record and their lives, I felt like the odd one out. And I couldn’t help but notice how Brian was practically glaring at me the entire meeting.

“We are sort of taking a new direction,” Matt said. “I don’t want to scream anymore.”

“Are you having trouble screaming now?” Fred asked.

“It’s not that I can’t do it, I just think we are ready to change it up. The band, and myself, are ready for me to sing. The songs we have written already are a lot different than the past, but they are more complex and gritty. This is the direction we want to go in,” Matt explained. The band nodded and agreed.

“I think that’s awesome,” I piped in. “Your last two records were amazing, truly. I think your fans will be shocked and exited to hear you sing more. I think it’s a smart decision.”

Brian rolled his eyes at me and said, “We’re not necessarily doing this just because it’s a good business decision. Musically this is what we think is best for the band and it’s what we want to do.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just meant-“

“Don’t worry about it, Rosie. We knew what you meant,” Matt said with a smile. Then he glared at Brian.

After we talked for about an hour, Mudrock invited the band back into the recording area to show them the studio. They had recorded their last record with Hopeless Records with Fred and Mudrock, but not with Warner Bros. Maybe that’s why Brian seemed so apprehensive, which I understood, but I don’t know why he was so intent with being rude to me.

I went over to the area I normally record and watched as Fred talked with the guys and showed them what we had to offer. He then asked me to show them some things, so I took the time to go over some of the software we use and the soundboard, knowing that it was slightly more advanced from where they had recorded before. The guys seemed to appreciate it for the most part.

“Well, shit,” Fred said, “I’m excited for this. Ready for 9am tomorrow, guys?”

“Yeah, can’t wait,” Matt said. “We’ll be on time, I promise.” When he said this, he glared at Johnny, who held up his hands and grinned.

“OK. Bright and early get ready to fucking rock,” Mudrock said, grin on his face.

The guys left then, and my nerves melted away. I felt better already since that part was over. I knew that I may have to convince Brian that I was good at my job. I knew that I would have to come in tomorrow and totally kick ass. And I knew that I could do it.


	2. Day One

It was eight thirty the next day and I was already in the studio to get ready for the day. I was always the first one there; I loved the quiet time in the morning to mentally prepare for what I needed to do. As always I made coffee and I had even bought donuts so I laid those out. I wasn’t as nervous today, but I was a little anxious about what the day might bring.

Matt was the first one there, and I was surprised he came alone and not with the rest of the guys. He even beat the other producers to the studio, which was rare; musicians are stereotypically late to everything.

“Hey Rosie,” he said with a smile. “I figured I was too early to get into the studio. Thought I’d have to wait in the parking lot.”

“Nah, I’m always here at least half an hour early,” I told him with a smile.

Matt and I talked for a while as we waited for the rest of the men to arrive. He told me about his girlfriend, Val, and how she had a twin sister, Michelle. He told me about how the band had known each other for years, and some of them had been friends since they were small children. I loved hearing him talk about how they became a band, and how much they “sucked” before Johnny and Brian officially joined the band.

“It’s crazy to see how far we’ve come already,” he said. “But I know that this is only the start. This record is going to be so different from the last two. I have a lot of faith in this project.”

I smiled at him, “I am excited to hear what you guys have written already.”

Once the other producers and band members arrived, we discussed a course of action. We wrote out all of the songs that the band already had demos for. Matt told us they were working on a few more, but they were still rough. We talked about where to start and what our goals were for what we wanted to accomplish. We decided that we were going to start with the song they had titled “Bat Country” today.

We started by having the whole band play the song together so that we could hear the sound. I was amazed and addicted right away. Out of all of the bands I had worked with, this was one of the best. They were early in their careers, but I knew that they would be huge after this song came out.

“Holy shit,” I said after they were done. “That was amazing!”

“I fucked up like twenty times,” Brian said with a sigh.

“Me too, but whatever. We’ll get it down,” Zack said with a laugh.

We then broke off, Mudrock with Johnny, Fred with Jimmy, and me with the guitarists. Matt usually recorded after we were done with the rest, so he decided to listen in with Zack and Brian. We went over to my area and got Brian set up to play, while Zack and Matt sat on the couch to hang out and watch. I got the demo tracks ready while Brian got situated so we could start playing.

“Where do you want to start?” I asked him.

“You’re the producer, aren’t you? You tell me,” he answered as he tuned his guitar.

“Well, usually I ask the musician what they want since it’s their music and all, but sure, I’ll decide for you. Let’s just start right at the beginning.”

Brian didn’t even answer me. Matt threw a piece of paper he had crumpled at his head and said, “Stop being such a bitch.”

“Shut up,” he said with an eye roll. “Ready?”

I started the metronome and got everything ready to go. I said, “Whenever you are.”

Brian began playing, drawing me in. He was amazing. I almost got distracted by how good he was, but my pride took over; I knew I needed to prove myself now. We took chunks of the song and worked on recording them, re-doing it as many times as Brian wanted. Every once in a while he would stop and curse at himself for messing up, which was honestly hilarious, but I needed to not laugh at him. We weren’t on that level. Zack and Matt, on the other hand, made fun of him at every chance they got.

After he played each section, we would listen to what I produced. He seemed satisfied with what we created together, which made me happy too. When we worked together there was no awkwardness or rudeness. He was good as what he did and so was I. The final product of what we made together was amazing.

“Sounds great,” Brian admitted at the end of the day. “I want to do the solo over tomorrow, though.”

“Sure,” I said. “I think it sounds good, but could be a little tighter. But I agree, we should do it tomorrow.”

Brian got up, put away his things and left. He wouldn’t look me in the eye or anything. I sighed, not knowing why he was still being so cold to me. I thought after that session he would see that I was good at this.

Zack could see my disdain. He said, “Don’t worry about that asshole. He can be a perfectionist.”

“And his girlfriend just dumped him,” Matt said.

“True,” Zack laughed.

I laughed softly. “Well, regardless, I hope he knows that I’m good at my job and I’ll do whatever it takes to produce the best record possible.”

“He knows,” Zack said. “After today, he has to know that. Today went smoother than any of the songs we recorded for the last record.”

“Well, thanks. I can’t wait to hear more.”

-0-

After the guys took off, I cleaned up the studio then headed out myself. I went back to my apartment where I lived with my best friend, Andrea. She was already home for the day and was cooking dinner for the both of us.

“You’re an angel, Andi,” I told her, so grateful for her. She was seriously the greatest roommate ever; she cleaned and cooked and paid rent on time. And she was my best friend.

“No problem, Rose. I have to work in a bit, unfortunately.” She worked as a bartender downtown and made a shit load of money in tips. And she was going to school for social work, which we often joked would be a huge pay cut.

We ate dinner together and I told her about the band, especially about Brian and how he bugged me so much. She immediately asked, “But is he hot?”

I laughed. “Well, yeah, unfortunately.”

“What do you mean, unfortunately?”

“He’s been a dick so far,” I said laughing. “I’m always attracted to assholes.”

“Hey now,” she said, “He might not be an ass. He might warm up to you.”

“Hope so,” I said with a sigh.

After dinner she left for work and I was all alone in the apartment. I couldn’t help but think about Brian again. He wouldn’t leave my mind. The way he played guitar amazed me; he was so talented and so sexy when he played…

I swallowed and rolled my eyes at myself, knowing that these were unhealthy thoughts. Every time I thought one of the musicians was hot, it usually ended up badly. When I first started working I made the mistake of sleeping with one of the guys, and when he showed up to work the next day, he didn’t even speak to me. It was awkward and made me feel like shit and I wasn’t about to do anything like that again. I wouldn’t let myself think about Brian that way.

My phone buzzed, pulling me out of my thoughts. I was surprised to see that it was Matt calling me. Did something happen?

“Hey, Rosie,” he said after I picked up the phone. “I forgot to mention it to you today, but going out tonight to celebrate the start of a new album and I wanted to invite you along.”

I was surprised. “Oh, uh, sure. Where and when?”

“We’re meeting at Johnny’s Bar in about an hour. Need a ride? Val is going to DD.”

“Oh, that would be awesome, but I actually live really close to there. I can just walk over,” I told him.

“Oh, shit. If I lived any closer than I already do I would be there every fuckin' day! I didn’t realize you lived in Huntington Beach, not LA.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t live in that big of a city,” I admitted. “Anyways, I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Can’t wait!”


	3. Johny's Bar

I had a little less than an hour to get ready to hang out at the bar. I couldn’t decide whether just to play it cool and wear what I wore to work today, or if I should change and fix myself up. I decided on the latter, wanting to show off how cute I could really be. Thoughts of Brian drifted through my brain again as I decided this, thinking that maybe I could prove to him that I am not only awesome at my job, but I can be sexy too.

I laughed at myself, knowing the thought was somewhat silly, but decided to change anyways. Regardless of how Brian would feel about it, I liked dressing up and using make up; it made me feel good about myself. So, I decided on my black leggings with the leather panels down each side, a violet lacy tank, my leather jacket, and combat boots. I took my white-blonde hair out of its bun and tamed the waves, then fixed my makeup and I was ready to go. I would be a little late, but oh well.

Johnny’s Bar was only two blocks from my apartment, so it was a quick walk. It was chilly out, which I loved and was glad I grabbed the jacket.

When I got to the bar, I spotted Jimmy right away. He was much taller than everyone around him and he was chugging a beer while everyone chanted. I laughed at the scene, which reminded me of my college days, and knew I was in for a fun night.

“ROSIE!” I heard Johnny yell. He was waving me over to their group of friends.

“Hey!” I said, feeling nerves in the pit of my stomach. I hated meeting new people and there were a few I did not recognize here. I walked towards Johnny and Zack, who were talking with two other guys.

Zack put his arm around me when I got to him and introduced me to Matt and Jason Berry, who worked with the band when they were on tour. He then led me around the group and introduced me to everyone else I didn’t know. By the time we were done, I only remembered the Berry’s, Matt’s girlfriend Val, and her sister.

Zack left me then, going to get me a drink at the bar. I couldn’t wait for him to get back as I stood there awkwardly next to the group of friends. They were all enjoying each other’s company, but I just stood out of the edge, not knowing what to do. Social anxiety, here I am!

I jumped a little bit when I felt a hand on my arm, and was more shocked when I realized it was Brian’s.

“Hey,” I said to him, looking him in the eye.

He had a drink in his hand, but didn’t seem drunk. He said, “Hey Rose. Glad you’re here.”

“Rosie,” I reminded him.

“I like Rose.”

I laughed. “Well, OK. You can call me that if you want. Just not Rosemary.”

“Don’t tempt me now,” he said with a smirk. He took a sip of his drink then said, “But seriously, I’m glad you came.”

“I’m surprised to hear you said that,” I told him before I could help myself. Before I could say anything else, Zack showed up with my drink.

“Jack and Diet Coke for the lady,” he slurred. He was drunk already and I could help but laugh. As I took the drink, I glanced at Brian, who had a small scowl on his face. I had offended him, and though I shouldn’t have cared, I felt bad.

“Thanks, Zack,” I said, taking a sip. My favorite drink slipped down my throat and I immediately felt calmer. I just needed a few more of these.

“ZACHARY!” we heard Jimmy yell. “Get your ASS OVER HERE!” Zach ran off, leaving Brian and I alone again.

“Listen,” I started, feeling like I needed to apologize. “About what I said before...”

He put up his hand. “I get it, I’ve been an ass. I’m normally wonderful, really.”

I chuckled. “I’d like to see that.”

We started talking more then, just small talk, and it was actually pleasant. He was being really kind, asking me questions, and really listening to me. We didn’t get too far into the conversation when one of the twin sisters came up to us. I couldn’t tell which sister it was.

“Brian,” she started, placing her hand on his arm. “Come dance.”

“No, Michelle.”

Ah, so it was Michelle. I felt awkward watching the exchange between the two; should I still stand here or should I sneak away?

“Come on, Bri,” she pleaded. She stumbled a little as she tried to pull him towards an empty space in the middle of the bar.

“No one else is dancing. I need a smoke,” he stated, brushing her off. He walked away then, leaving me there with the slightly intoxicated twin.

“I miss him,” she sighed, not really looking at me. I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or herself.

“Well, he just went outside,” I offered.

“I dumped him, you know? But now I miss him.”

So, there it is. The ex-girlfriend. No wonder it felt so awkward a moment before.

“That’s reasonable. How long did you date?” I asked.

“Too long, I guess,” she said, laughing and putting her hands on my shoulders. “You’re pretty!”

“Uh, thanks,” I said.

Michelle grabbed my hand then and drug me towards their other friends. She kept asking people to dance with her, but no one accepted the invitation. We weren’t at a club after all. Eventually she paraded me over to Matt and Val. Her sister stopped her before she continued, leading her to the bathroom to chat. Matt just laughed and rolled his eyes.

“She’s sad about Brian,” I told him.

Matt rolled his eyes. “She’s just drunk. She won’t be sad about it in the morning. They needed to break up.”

“What happened?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“They didn’t really date that long. It was just about sex. They didn’t see eye to eye on anything else,” he told me, shrugging. “I love her and she’ll be my sister in law someday, but  
she is just not compatible with my best friend.”

I smiled at the mention of his intentions to marry Val. Matt was such a sweet guy.

“Come on,” he said, “Let me buy you another drink.”


	4. A Game of Pool

The room was starting to spin just a bit and I didn’t always walk in a straight line. I was the perfect amount of drunk and the best part about it was that I hadn’t spent a dime. These boys were so nice, buying me drinks.

I felt a lot more comfortable now that I had liquid courage in my stomach. I was talking with Zacky and Johnny while we watched Brian and Matt play pool. Brian was winning by quite a bit, and I had to admit, I liked watching him play. I mean, who could blame me? Every time he bent over to shoot I swooned a little. I wasn’t drunk enough to do anything about it, though, thank God.

“You want more?” Johnny asked me, taking me empty glass out of my hand.

“No, I shouldn’t,” I said with a giggle.

“I’ll get you more,” Johnny said anyways, running off to the bar.

“Brian won,” Zacky told me, pointing to the table. “Now we should play.”

“Oh, fuck no,” I said.

Zacky laughed and pulled me towards the pool table. “Our turn!”

“Hey, I won, I get to keep playing,” Brian said with a smirk. “I’ll play little Rosie here.”

“I am not good at pool,” I admitted. “Let Zacky.”

“No, I’d rather watch you play,” Zacky said with a wink. So he apparently wanted to see my ass as much as I wanted to see Brian’s. That little confidence boost convinced me to play. Sober-me would have rolled me eyes, but tipsy-me liked the attention.

“Fine, fine,” I said. “But don’t expect much.”

Brian started, breaking the balls and calling stripes. I could barely remember how to play this stupid game, let alone do it well, and I was still feeling a tad dizzy. Johnny had even supplied me with another drink, which of course was not going to help this situation.

“Your turn, Rosie,” Brian told me, smirking still. It was like he wanted to watch me fuck it all up.

I needed to focus. Taking a deep breath, I aimed my shot, and made it!

“Wow!” I said. “Didn’t expect that!”

Everyone laughed at my lack of confidence, but as I continued to play, I realized this wasn’t as bad as I thought. Brian was of course winning, but at least I wasn’t making a fool of myself. The people around us were starting to lose interest in the game; they had figured it would be quicker than this. Zacky wasn’t even staring at my ass anymore; he had found some other girl to talk to.

Brian only had to sink two more while I had four. I was honestly proud I had lasted this long, and in a drunken moment of confidence I said, “We should make a bet.”

Brian laughed, “Oh really? What do you want to bet?”

“If I win,” I started, thinking for a moment, “You will be super nice to me at work and bring me a Diet Coke tomorrow.”

He laughed, “Sounds fair.”

“And if you win?”

He thought for a moment and said, “You’ll let me kiss you.”

I stood there shocked for a moment, not really believing him. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said, moving closer to me. “If I win, I’m going to kiss you.”

I swallowed. He looked so sexy standing close to me, I was tipsy, and I wanted him to kiss me. I nodded, not even being able to respond to his suggestion. Now I couldn’t decide if I should just let him win for that kiss or not.

It was my turn. I decided to try my best so I didn’t look desperate. I leaned over to make my shot, focusing on my #4 ball. Sinking it in, I moved onto my next target. Sticking my tongue out a bit, I focused again, sinking this shot too.

“Well shit,” Brian said with a chuckle. “Thought you said you sucked at this.”

“Apparently only when I’m sober,” I said, angling to make my next shot. I missed this time.

“Too bad,” he teased. “And you thought you’d be getting that Diet Coke tomorrow.”

I laughed, “I might still.”

Brian scratched, giving me another chance to win. No one was paying attention to use except me and him. Knowing I had a chance to win or lose here made me nervous. Was he just going to kiss me here, or what? I couldn’t focus and I missed.

Brian smirked, winking at me, and made his last shots, sinking his last two balls. “I win.”  
I nodded, not really knowing what to say. So, I said the stupidest thing I could think of, “Good job, buddy.”

Brian gave me a weird look and laughed, going to clean up the pool table. I helped him, feeling like an idiot, and anxiously wondering when my kiss was coming. As we put everything away, his hand brushed mine, lingering there for a moment too long. He looked at me and grinned, then began to walk away.

“Hey!” I said, calling after him. When he turned around I said, “So?”

He chuckled and said, “Not now, beautiful. Don’t worry, I’ll come through.” He winked at me again before walking away.

I sighed, not knowing if I was disappointed or relieved. Of course I wanted that kiss, I couldn’t deny it. He was gorgeous, and after tonight, I realized he wasn’t as much of a dick as I thought. But I was glad he didn’t do it in front of everyone. I didn’t want to imagine what would happen then.

I decided I should probably call it a night; I didn’t know if I could handle anymore craziness tonight. My buzz was mostly warn off and I felt like I could walk home. I made my rounds, saying good night to everyone, fighting against their protests.

“We have to work tomorrow,” I reminded the boys with a grin.

Johnny brushed me off. “We’ll be fine! You’ll be fine. Let me buy you more to drink.”

“No, really, I need to get home. Thanks for inviting me out,” I told them, putting of my jacket.

“You need a ride?” Val asked me.

“No, I just live two blocks away, I can walk.”

“Let me walk you home,” I heard Matt say. I couldn’t help but wish it was Brian who had offered. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a goodnight kiss at my front door?

“You don’t need to do that. It’s just two blocks.”

“And it’s one in the morning. I’m taking you,” he said, following me out the door.

It was a quick walk and we didn’t say much. When we got back to my apartment, I couldn’t help but give Matt a hug, thanking him for walking me home and for inviting me. I had a really good time. He smiled at me, promised to invite me out again, and headed back to the bar. I laughed, wondering how late the boys would stay out tonight and how late they would be for work in the morning. And I wondered when I was going to get that damn kiss…


	5. Mixed Signals

It was a struggle to get out of bed and get to work early. I even had to result in drinking Diet Coke for some caffeine right when I got to work. I hated the taste of coffee and normally I didn’t need it. But my head was pounding and I was definitely riding the struggle bus today. I had my hair in a messy bun and I was just wearing jeans and a hoodie. I even had on leftover make up from last night. I was a total mess.

I was still the first one there, of course, because that was my routine. Thank goodness there was left over donuts there! Nothing better than donuts and Diet Coke, I guess…

As I was stuffing my face with a somewhat stale donut, I heard the door open. I tried to clean myself up, but my mouth was full of the pastry and there was only so much I can do. Before I could even turn around to face who was there, I heard him chuckle at me. Brian was here.

“Cute,” he said, walking up to me. “Good donut?”

I paused mid-chew, my mouth stuffed full of powdery donut, shocked and embarrassed by his presence. I swallowed hard and nodded.

Brain laughed at me and walked closer. He reached out and brushed some powdered sugar off of my bottom lip with his thumb. I could feel my face heat up and my stomach knotted at his touch. Especially seeing his sexy smirk as he did it. He let his thumb drift over my lip longer than necessary and he stared into my eyes, freezing me to my spot.

Before I could move or say anything, the rest of the guys came through the door, followed by the other producers. Brian moved away from me then, hiding whatever had just happened between us. Maybe I was reading into it a little too much, but my heart was beating way too fast.

Johnny looked a little rough; his hair was flat and he had sunglasses on. The rest of the boys, however, looked just as good as ever. They clearly had done this before. I was envious of how cool and collected they all seemed after last night.

“Let’s get to work,” Matt said with a grin, smacking Johnny on the back. He groaned and sauntered off into the main studio and we all followed, laughing at him the whole way.

-0-

Once we got to work I felt a lot better. Brian and I were very focused, and besides his little sideways glances, not much was exchanged between us besides music. It was a lot different from our first few days together; he was nice, did what I asked, and never gave me attitude. I didn’t really understand why the sudden change occurred, but I wasn’t complaining.

Zack sat back on the couch behind us and I couldn’t help but notice how often his eyes would close. He didn’t have a lot to work on quite yet. Maybe he was more hung over that I had originally thought.

We took a break around noon for lunch. When Brian, Zack and I went to the lunch area, Matt was there talking with Val. I didn’t even know that she had shown up. As soon as we walked in they got quiet and tense.

“Can I talk to you?” Val asked Brian sweetly. He nodded and followed her outside, grabbing his jacket and cigarettes. He seemed tenser then he had been a moment ago.

“Everything OK?” Zack asked.

“She just wants to talk to him about what happened last night,” Matt answered.

I was confused. “What happened?”

Matt sighed. “After you left, we were all pretty hammered. We all should have called it a night when you did, but of course we thought we could handle another hour or two of partying,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But anyways, Brian was being a huge ass. I don’t know what happened. He’s been so fucking moody lately.”

“Because of Michelle?” I asked.

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Matt defended. “She was drunk last night, asked him to dance a few times, and he was a total dick to her.”

Zack said, “Yeah, she asked him while you were still there. But, after you left, she ended up dancing with some other guy. Val said they already knew each other and it was just friendly, but Brian was pissed.”

“Jealous?” I asked.

“I guess so. When she came back from dancing they got into it. He said some pretty mean things to her, honestly.”

I sighed, not knowing what to think about all of this. It was like the Brian I knew was two different people; the brooding asshole, and the super nice, flirty guy who I really wanted to kiss. I wish I had only seen the latter, but unfortunately I wasn’t surprised by anything Matt and Zack said.

“I’m kind of pissed honestly,” Matt said after Zack explained. “I mean, just because you aren’t happy about a break up doesn’t mean you have to be such a dick.”

“Yeah, especially since we’ve been friends with her for so long.”

Before I could say anything, Val came back in. Brian must have stayed outside to finish his smoke.

“Well?” Matt asked.

Val told us, “He feels bad, I think. He knows he made a huge ass of himself. He said he’s going to call her and apologize. I think he’ll be out there for a bit.”

“Good, he needs to apologize to her,” Matt said.

“Matt,” Val started. “I know what he did was shitty, but cut him a little slack. He’s not used to getting dumped.”

Zack laughed at this. “He needs to get over himself.”

“Well, it does suck. Michelle was one of his only girlfriends, you know,” Val said.

“Really?” I asked, surprised.

“Well, he’s not really the one-woman kind, if you know what I mean,” Matt said with an eye roll. “He’s usually the one who calls the shots.”

I thought about last night and how easy it was for him to get under my skin. Every little glance, the slightest touch, and those damn winks had really gotten to me. Was I just another girl for him to use and throw away? I wouldn’t let that happen. I did not want to deal with the awkwardness, and frankly the pain.

“Alright, let’s stop talking shit. It’s an awkward situation, but it will blow over,” Zack said.

We all ate then, shooting shit and goofing around as we ate. Johnny and Jimmy had joined us, making the afternoon even funnier than before. Brian had returned after his smoke break, but he was quiet now, brooding in the corner of the room. I didn’t feel bad for him like I did before. I didn’t know the whole situation, but it was not attractive how he was handling this.

I wanted to talk to him about what was happening and see if I could help, but I didn’t know if Brian saw me as someone who he could trust or be friends with. I couldn’t help but think if he was just trying to use me as a rebound. Everyone made it sound like they hadn’t dated long, so why was he so upset? Was it truly heartbreak or just hurt pride?

After lunch I worked more with Zack than Brian, but Brian sat on the couch and watched everything we did. When Brian and I worked, Zack didn’t talk much. Sometimes he’d give minor suggestions or his approval, but it wasn’t often. Brian, on the other hand, would say something after each take, which was getting to me. Zack would play his part perfectly and Brian would find something wrong with it.

“Ok, Syn, I fucking get it,” Zack said after being criticized for the fifth time. “I get you’re in a bad mood or whatever, but chill out.”

Brian didn’t say anything, but looked away from us, as if he knew Zack was right. He didn’t say sorry or anything to him, showing me his pride yet again. He was mostly quiet for the rest of the session, but would give feedback when asked. It made the process so much smoother, I had to admit. And when everything was said and done, we had all of the guitar parts recorded for Bat Country done by the end of the day.

“Alright!” Zack yelled when we finished, dancing in his chair a bit. “Time for a beer!”

He left us then, skipping off into the kitchen area. I laughed, then looked at Brian, who had a slight smile on his face.

“You happy with everything?” I asked him.

“What? I mean, I had a shit day, but I guess I’m happy.”

“I meant with the recording today,” I said sheepishly, feeling guilty.

“Oh. Yeah, it’s great,” he said, getting off of the couch.

“Look, Brian. If there’s anything you need, let me know,” I told him. I just wanted him to know that I could be a friend.

He nodded but didn’t say anything. I stood to face him and stared into his eyes. He looked away from me then, somewhat sheepish.

Sighing, he said, “Sorry about today. I told you I wouldn’t be like that anymore.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” I told him, even though I didn’t really.

He sighed again and laughed a bit, saying, “Let me make it up to you.”

My stomach tied up in knots at the thought of what that might mean. He moved a little closer toward me, and as his hand moved toward my waist, alarms went off in my head. Wasn’t he just brooding over some other woman like five minutes ago? What did he expect from me?

I stepped away from him, turning to leave. “Don’t worry about it,” I said softly, walking out of the studio.

My mind was reeling the whole walk to my car and the whole way home. Every look and touch from Brian made me nervous and excited at the same time. It was all so confusing and frustrating. But he had to know that I was not just some rebound.


	6. Songwriter

I woke up the next morning really early and could not fall back asleep. All night I had weird dreams that I couldn’t comprehend. They were already beginning to slip from my memories, but I couldn’t shake the weird feeling that they gave me. Lying there, staring at the ceiling, I knew I wasn’t going to get back to sleep. Besides, I had to pee.

Sighing, I got out of my warm bed and made my way to the bathroom. Looking at the clock I saw it was only 6am, but there was no going back now. I did my business, brushed my teeth, and got ready for the day. I figured I might as well go in early and get some work done.

Andrea was already in the kitchen when I made my way to make breakfast, but that was no surprise. I swear I hardly saw the girl anymore with her working so much and going to school.

“Morning, sunshine,” I said groggily. She smiled at me, but I could tell from the bags under her eyes that she was struggling too.

“You’re up earlier than usual,” she stated, taking her attention back to the eggs she was cooking.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I told her. I put a bagel in the toaster, then sat at our table as I waited.

Andrea sighed as she finished making her meal then sat with me. “I only have like five minutes to eat,” she said. “I feel like I never have time for anything anymore.”

“Yeah this year has been crazy for you.”

“I’m almost done,” she reminded herself. “Once school is out in the next few months, life will slow down again.”

We chatted while we ate our breakfast and I told her about what had happened at the studio yesterday. She always loved hearing about all of the drama that occurred with the bands, especially when I got involved somehow.

“You’ve got the hots for this guy, don’t you?” she asked me as she cleaned up her dishes.

I shrugged. “Physically, yes. But I’m not sure about him yet. I’m not sure what he thinks of me, either.”

“Well, just go with the flow and see how it goes. You know what you want, so don’t let him push you around. I gotta go. Good luck today,” she said, giving me a hug before running out the door.

I decided to just go into work so I could have some quiet time to get things done for myself. Mudrock never minded when I got there early or stayed late because he knew I was always working hard on our projects. He knew that sometimes I worked on my own personal projects, but as long as I got my work done, he didn’t really care.

When I got to the studio, I immediately went to the back area where all of our guitars where. I picked out an acoustic one for now and got things ready. I had a new song that I had written that I wanted to record a rough demo of before anyone else got here, which would be in a little over an hour.

I had been writing songs ever since I could remember. Honestly, that’s really what I’ve wanted to do my whole life. I became a producer so I could be a part of the music industry, but deep down I always wanted to be a song writer. I knew I had the talent to write, play, and sing, but I never wanted to be the star. Being in the background always worked for me.

After I got things set up, I began to play, strumming the simple melody I had been working on. I closed my eyes, let myself go, and began to sing. The words flowed out of me easily and I got lost in my words, in my song. Eventually, I made a mistake while playing, which made my voice crack. Sighing, I started over, letting the track continue to record so I could just edit it later.

I did a few takes of the song, and the more I did it, the better it sounded. Eventually, with my voice warmer, it was sounding just the way I wanted it to. I was so lost in the sound that I didn’t hear anyone walking in.

When I finished, the sound of clapping made me jump. It was very faint from behind the glass, but when I looked up, I noticed Matt standing there, applauding my work. Time had passed so quickly! I must have lose track of it.

I scrambled out of the recording booth, running over to stop my recording before I talked to Matt. My face was beet red and I was so embarrassed that I had just been caught. I should have waited until everyone left to do this.

“Holy shit, Rosie!” Matt said behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder and gently turned me around. “You are fantastic!”

“Uh, thanks-” I started, not really knowing what to do.

“What artist is that song by? It was really good,” Matt asked.

I chuckled a little out of nervousness and said, “Uh, it’s by Rosie White.”

“No shit!” he said. “I’m really serious, Rosie. You’re really good.”

“Well, thanks,” I said to him, blushing still. “Just, uh, don’t tell anyone I was here doing this, OK? I don’t think Mudrock cares that much but if out bosses found out I was using the studio for free, it would piss them off.”

“Hey, that’s cool, I get it. Are you trying to make a record?”

“Oh, no it’s nothing like that. I just write. I haven’t really sold any of my songs or anything, but that’s the goal at some point,” I said, shrugging. I was becoming even more embarrassed now, having to admit that I haven’t even sold one damn song.

“Hey, man, we all gotta start somewhere!” Matt said with a grin, showing off his adorable dimples. “If I hear about anyone who needs a song, I can send them your way.”

I laughed and said, “I don’t many metal bands want some slow acoustic song.”

“Well, it’s not like the only musicians I know are in metal bands, Rosie,” he said. “And besides, a band could always use the words and melody and add more instruments.”

I nodded. “True. Thanks, Matt.”

Matt was quiet for a second and he looked as though he was deep in thought. I didn’t have the chance to ask him what was going on before some of the other band members walked in.

The rest of the day was very typical and I had the chance to work with Brian and Zack again on a different song. Both boys were in a much better mood today; no one was pouting with a bruised ego and no one was hung over. All in all, it was a great formula for making music.

We were working on Burn It Down, which had some extremely complicated parts in it. We had the music with us to look at because of this, and Brian and Zack had to slow down the process to practice their parts because of ho complex they were. After some practice, Brian decided he was ready to record.

After our first time trying, Brian made a mistake, screaming, “FUCK!” as loudly as possible. I wasn’t super surprised, as I had heard it from other musicians before, but it was odd coming from Brian, who was usually so cool and collected. But the next few takes he’d do the same thing, screaming obscenities or weird noises when he messed up. Eventually, I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I busted out laughing.

Zack and Brian joined my laughing fit until I said, “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

“Hey, get used to it, girl,” Zack said. “He does this all the time.”

Brian grinned then, saying, “I can’t help it. I can’t get this fucking song down and I’m pissed.”

“Hold on,” I said, getting up for a moment. I walked over to the back room and grabbed a guitar, then walked back to the guys and sat with them. “Try this.”

I played the part on my own guitar then, taking it a tad slower than tempo. It was really tricky, but I was able to play it.

“Well, shit,” Zack said. “Syn, you’re fired. Rosie’s our new lead guitarist!”

Brian laughed, “Fuck you, Baker. Let’s play together.”

We took it slow at first and eventually built up to tempo, stopping every once in a while to talk about different techniques and ways to play. After some time, Brian was able to play it perfectly.

“Damn,” Brian said. “Thanks for that. I was just getting so frustrated.”

I nodded. “Glad to hear that. The rest should be easy!”

“Where did you learn to play like that?” Zack asked.

I shrugged. “I guess my dad taught me the basics when I was young, but then I took lessons and things to improve. I’m not that great, but I have a good ear and can copy-cat things once I hear them a lot.”

I honestly hadn’t thought much of my playing abilities; for me, playing guitar was easier and much less embarrassing than singing. I always felt like singers were judged much more harshly than guitar players, but maybe that was just my experience. I thought back to my middle school talent show and shuddered at the memory of singing in front of my peers. My only saving grace from that time was my guitar skills.

“Well, it helped me today. Thanks, Rose,” Brian said with a smile, making my stomach flutter with butterflies over the cuteness of his grin.

I shrugged, trying to act as if it was no big deal. I didn’t foresee myself playing guitar much with them in the future, but it was really cool to have the chance to do it today. How many people could say they got to play guitar alongside the great Synyster Gates?


	7. Day Dreamer

A few days had gone by and the recording process had continued as usual. Brian would do his typical screams when he messed up, Zack would laugh at him, and then Brian would play it perfectly. It all became a routine for us honestly. I didn’t have to break out my own guitar again and things were running super smooth.

The three of us were taking a break from recording and were watching Matt. Mudrock was working with him mostly, so it was nice for me to just sit back and assist him rather than taking the lead. Brian, Zack, and Jimmy sat back on the couch behind Mudrock and I as Matt was in the booth singing. Johnny was working with Fred in another section of the studio on his parts of the song.

“You’re flat,” Brian piped in after Matt sang the chorus to Burn It Down.

Matt took a swig of water and signaled Mudrock to start over, and he did the take again. We continued this way for a few hours, the guys piping in advice for Matt, and Mudrock producing a great track. After awhile I drifted off into a daydream, not on purpose, but because I wasn’t really contributing to this whole process at the moment.

I thought about all of the things I needed at the grocery store, what time I was going to get to the gym and what I would do, and then my mind started to wander off onto the one thing I didn’t really want to think about: Brian. I imagined him at Johnny’s bar, playing pool with that sexy black T-shirt he wore the other nights. I thought about his sexy smirk and the way he would bend over the table, his ass sticking out the perfect amount. But before my mind could wander into much else, my musings were interrupted.

“Earth to Rosie!!” I heard Jimmy yell, making me jump.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” I said, laughing. The guys all laughed at me then, knowing that Jimmy had snapped me out of a daze. “I was lost in thought.”

“Must have been a good, sexy daydream,” Jimmy said with a laugh.

I felt my face turn red. “Not quite,” I said, knowing that if I was given more time, it may have turned to that.

“Did you hear the last take?” Zack asked me, trying to get us all back on track.

“She was clearly lost in her little world! I wanna know who you were thinking about!” Jimmy said.

“I was thinking about what I need at the grocery store,” I told him. I wasn’t lying, technically.

“LIES!” Jimmy yelled, pointing his finger to the air. I couldn’t help but giggle at his antics.

“Back to business, Rosie,” Mudrock said, clearly annoyed with me. “Listen.”

He played back what had just been recorded, layering all of the parts together so I could hear what was finished so far. I was really impressed and I told everyone that I thought it was good to go.

The boys seemed satisfied with the recording as well, so it was time to take a break. Slowly, everyone worked their way out of the main studio area, but I stayed behind for a moment. I stood there, staring off into space, mentally scolding myself for letting myself be embarrassed like that.

I felt a hand on my arm and I couldn’t help but jump, and I wanted to roll my eyes at myself. I was just telling myself to not be so distracted, and here I was!

I turned to see Brian ginning at me and his hand was still on my arm. I couldn’t help but giggle in embarrassment and nervousness, wondering what he wanted.

From where we stood, no one else could see us. The guys were in the kitchen area getting out something to eat for lunch, but Brian lingered there with me. He moved his hand off of my arm and brushed a loose hair behind my ear, then slowly brushed his fingers against my neck. I felt goose bumps form along my arms at his touch and I swallowed deeply, not knowing what to do or say.

“I wonder who you were dreaming about,” he whispered. He was looking down at my lips instead of in my eyes, and he bit his lip. Then his gaze drifted back to my eyes. He hand dropped from my neck and he smirked, backing away from me a little bit. “I wonder.”

With that, he left, walking into the eating area with the rest of the band. I stood there for a moment, trying to wrap my head around what just happened. It turned me on the way he touched me and looked at me, but I was pissed that he just walked away. I did not like to be teased like this!

I walked out to the kitchen then too, not wanting it to look weird that I hadn’t joined them yet.

“You okay?” Johnny asked. “You look flushed.”

My blush on my face was still lingering. I sighed and said, “I’m good, just a little hot. I’m gonna get some air.”

When I walked out, I saw Brian smirking at my comment. Yes, you made me hot, Mr. Gates. Hope you’re proud of yourself.

The cool fall air was refreshing. I leaned against the building for a moment, closing my eyes to help myself calm down. I didn’t like how much this man was getting to me, especially when I didn’t know what his intentions were. Part of me loved the attention, but part of me almost feared what would come of it, especially if I let myself enjoy it as much as I wanted to.

When I went back in, the guys were all crowded around together, as if they were planning some big secret. Matt looked up when I came in the room and gave me a huge grin. It honestly made me nervous the way they were all staring at me.

“Rosie, don’t be mad at me,” Matt started. I gave him a look, and he continued with a chuckle, “Listen, I have an idea and I want you to say yes.”

“I make no promises,” I said, jokingly glaring and crossing my arms.

“Johnny’s Bar is having an open mic night Friday. They don’t have them often, but they’re always a lot of fun. We used to go and do them. I think you should go,” he said.

I felt a knot in my stomach. What had he told everyone? I dropped my arms and put my hands in my pockets and looked down at my feet. I didn’t really know what to do.

“I just think it would be a lot of fun,” Matt said softly, seeing my disdain.

“I don’t know,” I said, looking up. “I don’t think I have anything ready.”

“What I heard the other day sounded ready!” Matt said, trying to encourage me. “The best way to put yourself out there is to be heard. If you really want to write songs and sell them to other musicians, they gotta hear your stuff.”

He was right, I knew, but the thought of it made me so nervous. I wasn’t a performer. I knew I was talented, but actually getting up on stage in front of other people was terrifying to me. I hated being the center of attention. What if I messed up? Or if my voice cracked? I hated this about myself, but I couldn’t help but worrying about what other people would think of me.

“When we first started out, getting up on stage was scary. That’s one of the reasons I like have a stage name because it gives me a persona to hide behind,” I heard Brian say. I looked at him, and he was dead serious.

“You were really nervous?”

“Yes, and I still get nervous. But like Matt said, you need to let people hear your music. And selfishly I want to hear it too,” he added with a grin.

I chuckled, and felt better as the rest of the guys said words of encouragement.

“You will get on that stage, and blow everyone’s fucking minds!” Jimmy told me, jumping out of his seat. He grabbed me and lifted me into the air, shouting, “BLOW THEIR MINDS!”

I squealed in laughter as he swung me around. When he placed me back on the floor, he wrapped his arms around me and said, “Say you’ll do it or I’ll literally never let you go.”

I laughed, “Fine! I’ll do it! Let me go!”


	8. Open Mic Night

The next few days at the studio were less eventful, but we all got a lot of work done. I couldn’t help but admit how much I enjoyed working with Brian and the shameless flirting we shared. Sometimes Zack would make comments or snort in the background, but I didn’t care. I was letting myself enjoy a little attention from the super attractive man. A little flirting was harmless; it wasn’t like we were making out or anything.

When I got home from the studio on Friday I went straight to my bed and laid down. I was exhausted from the week, but something else was lingering on my mind. The open mic night was tonight.

When I woke up that morning I already felt sick to my stomach, nervous for what the night would bring me. I felt immense dread and anxiety all day long. I didn’t want this night to happen; I wanted to skip to tomorrow.

I knew that I had the capability of doing well at this show, but whether or not stage fright would take over was a whole different question. I just hoped there wouldn’t be a lot of people there. I knew that all of the Avenged Sevenfold guys would be there, and I was sure that they would bring some friends along with them. That alone made me nervous. It was one thing for Matt to hear me sing, but everyone else? I didn’t want to think about how my new friends might judge me, especially Brian. I hated to be like this, but I was so worried about what Brian might think of me.

I knew I needed to get up and get ready for the night. I needed to be at the bar in about an hour to sign up. I had my guitar ready and I knew my song, but I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I laid there for a moment longer, my arm laying across my face, and I forced myself to think about just how amazing this might be. Sharing my music is the only way I’ll ever get to write for other musicians, after all. I needed this push to get out of my comfort zone. I’ve wanted to be a songwriter for years; I have pages and pages of songs already written and ready to do. I just needed someone to hear them.

With that little burst of motivation, I began to get ready for the show. I curled my hair into soft beachy waves, put on some dark makeup, and got dressed in a classic, all-black outfit that consisted of black ripped jeans, a black lacey tank, and my leather jacket. Before I left, I put on my combat boots then said a silent prayer. I grabbed my guitar and I was off to Johnny’s.

-0-

There were a lot more people here than I would have liked, but at least it was a really relaxed atmosphere. I was sitting at one of the tables with some of the guys, while the rest of them and some friends were at the table beside us.

“You nervous?” Zacky asked me, seeing how much paler my face had become as the night moved on.

I nodded. I was afraid I was going to throw up.

Zack put his arm around me, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze in comfort. “Listen, Rosie. The first time getting on stage is scary, I know, but the feeling you get while performing is such a rush. Don’t let all your worries take over, okay? Enjoy the moment!”

I sighed and relaxed a bit. “Thanks, Zacky. That means a lot.”

“Yeah, and if you get nervous, just look at the Exit sign instead of at the people. That always helped me at first,” Johnny told me.

“I’m surprised you could see the Exit sign over everyone’s heads,” Jimmy teased.

“Fuck you. Just because you’re a giant doesn’t mean I’m short!” Johnny said with a smirk.

“Yeah fucking right!” Zack said with a laugh.

I was glad I was sitting here with these three because they always knew how to make me laugh. They continued joking around, distracting me from what was to come, making me laugh and laugh. Jimmy was right in the middle of telling some wild story when I felt a hand on my back. It was Brian, who had come over from the other table.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me, hand still on my back.

I took a deep breath, “I’m nervous, I hate to admit.”

“Reasonable,” he said. He leaned in closer to me, whispering in my ear, “You look incredibly sexy tonight.”

I felt my face burn and I bit my lip, trying to stifle a nervous giggle. Brian’s hand moved a little lower on my back. As he did this I whispered back a meek, “Thank you.”

Brian leaned back a bit and he smiled, but then I saw his eyes flash back to the other table where his ex-girlfriend sat. It was a quick glance, but I’m pretty sure it was to see if she was watching the exchange between us. I immediately moved from my seat, backing away from him, pissed off at his ploy. I was not your rebound!

“I’m gonna get a drink,” I said, walking away before he could protest. I didn’t know if what I thought I saw was even true, but I didn’t care anymore. At the bar I ordered a shot of Jack, feeling the liquid courage calm my nerves a bit. I didn’t want to be drunk on stage, but the shot really did help me feel calmer.

I was going to do this, and I was going to kick major ass. I was going to show everyone I wasn’t just some shy, boring girl who could be tricked into flirting with some guy who was just using me to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but I felt this surge of confidence for a moment, knowing that I was going to rock it.

But, a few minutes later, when my name was called, the confidence flooded out of me. I felt frozen for a moment, but somehow I made it to the stage. I got my guitar ready to go and sat on the stool that was there for us. It wasn’t too bright on the stage, but it made it easy to see the crowd. So, I took Johnny’s advice and looked towards the exit sign rather than the people’s faces in front of me. Taking a deep and shaky breath, I knew I needed to start or people would wonder what was wrong with me.

I closed my eyes, took another breath, and then started playing. I felt good playing the guitar, but knowing that I had to start singing was making me feel sick. Still, I didn’t want people to think something was wrong with me, so I began my song.

My voice was a little soft at first, but I opened my eyes and began to really sing. I just let go. The longer I was up on that stage, the easier it was to just let it happen. I was already here, I was already singing, why not go all out? I belted the notes that I needed to, I sang softly when necessary, and I really was into what I was going. It felt really good to be doing this! I can’t believe I had been so afraid!

When I was done, there was loud applause from everyone at the bar, not just from my friends. There were even a few whistles, which made me laugh. I heard Jimmy screaming, “ROSIE I LOVE YOU!” from in the crowd, which made me smile and laugh even more. I thanked the crowd, gave a little wave, and then left the stage.

I was immediately bombarded by the guys when I made my way back to our tables.

“Wow, Rosie! Matt said you were good, but wow!” Zack said to me, giving me a hug.

“Awesome job, Rosie! You looked and sounded so beautiful,” Val said.

“Aren’t you glad we made you do this?” Matt said with a grin.

I smiled back at him and said, “Yes, I am. Thank you, everyone.”

I couldn’t help but enjoy all of the attention I was getting a little bit. Normally I would shy away from it, but I was so proud of myself that I just let myself enjoy the moment. Everyone told me I did well, that they were impressed. Michelle gave me the biggest hug, telling me that she just had this feeling that I would do well. For whatever reason, her approval meant a lot to me. Maybe because I didn’t know her as well and I felt like she genuinely felt that way. Or maybe it was because I thought it would annoy Brian to see us having fun together.

Jimmy swung me around, telling everyone that he was my number one fan. “I’m going to make you a fan club!” he told me.

“Thanks, Jim, but that won’t be necessary,” I said with a laugh.

Brian was the last one to say anything to me. He waited until the initial congratulations were done and people had gone back to their drinking and watching the other performers. I was at the bar waiting for my drink to be made when I felt him come up next to me.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Yes?”

“Are you alright? You seem mad.”

“I’m fine,” I told him. I was happy about my performance and I didn’t want to argue with him and ruin my mood.

“I just wanted to tell you that you blew me away,” he said. I got my drink at the bar and took a sip, turning to face him. His comment made me smile, but I didn’t want him to see that.

He moved a little closer to me and brushed some hair behind my ear. He cupped his hand on my face then said, “Truly beautiful.”

I felt my face get hot from his touch again, but I forced myself to back away.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t understand what this is,” I said pointing at him and then at myself.

Brian did say anything. He looked towards the stage where a young man was singing his heart out. He looked lost in thought for a moment before he finally said, “I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s not okay,” I told him. He didn’t answer right away, so I continued, “Look, I’m really excited about tonight. This was huge for me. I don’t want it all to be ruined by whatever this is.”

He frowned then, saying, “I’m not trying to ruin your night, Rosie. I really wanted you to know that I loved your performance. I wanted you to know that I was entranced by your voice, the way you play guitar, and how you looked on stage. I wanted to tell you that I find you so incredibly beautiful and hearing you sing tonight only made my attraction to you stronger. So I’m sorry that I wanted to say all of that, Rosie, but I can’t help what I feel.”

I swallowed, somewhat embarrassed by my harsh words, and not knowing what to do about his sweet ones. I wanted to badly to believe him, but I was just so unsure of his intentions.

He continued, “Look, I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable-“

“That’s not it,” I interrupted. “I just want to know what your intentions are. Are you just using me to make her jealous?” I pointed towards Michelle as I said this, just trying to make my point.

“No, Rosie.”

“So earlier when you were making sure she was watching us meant nothing?” I asked, feeling myself get angry. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen!

Brian sighed. “Ok, fine. I was curious, I guess, to see if she cared that I was flirting with you. But she doesn’t. I don’t know why I cared, Rosie, really.”

“Brian, until you stop caring about it, I can’t do this with you,” I told him. “I’m just not interesting in being your rebound.”

“That’s not what I want,” he said with a frown.

“Then prove it,” I said, walking away from him. I was going to enjoy the rest of my night and celebrate my success. I was not going to let him bring me down.


	9. BBQ

I woke up the next morning, groggy from the lack of sleep I had gotten. All night I drifted in and out of weird dreams, and in between each one I thought about the events of the evening. I couldn’t get Brian out of my mind and the words he spoke to me. Did he really feel that way, or was he just trying to hook up with me? Part of me regretted pushing him away and I kept thinking about that kiss he stilled owed me. But, overall, I was proud of myself for how I handled things. I couldn’t just let him take advantage of me and I needed to know what he truly wanted.

I heard a soft knock on my door, but I didn’t move from my spot from under my covers. “Yeah?”

Andrea peeked her head in. She was in her pajamas still, and I could tell she hadn’t slept much either. Coming into my room she said, “Can I join you?”

I nodded and she came over to my bed, slipping under the covers next to me. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry I couldn’t come last night,” she told me.

“It’s ok, Andi. You had to work.”

She sighed, “I know, but I’m tired of working! And school! It’s all just too much and I keep missing out on important moments. I really wanted to be there.”

“It’s ok! Really, I understand. It was kind of a shit show anyways,” I said with a tired chuckle. I then explained to her everything that had happened. How I had a wonderful performance, but also what happened with Brian.

“I need to meet this guy,” she said with a laugh, “And kick his ass!”

I laughed, putting my hands over my face. I mumbled, “That won’t be necessary.”

“What are you going to do, then?” she asked.

Sighing, I dropped my hands behind my head. “I have no fucking clue.”

“Seems to me that you need to just wait to see what his next move is. He knows where you stand, so he needs to decide what he wants and he can come to you.”

“Yeah,” I said, agreeing with my friend. “I just want him to make that move sooner than later.”

“What do you think he’s thinking?”

“No clue. He’s hot and cold with me. One day he’s mister sexy, flirty guy. Next day, he’s sad, brooding-over-my-ex guy. I need him to just be the former,” I said, chuckling a little.

“Totally,” Andi said. “He needs to be over her completely.”

“I feel like there’s more to the story, too,” I told her. “I was told they hadn’t dated that long or anything, so it feels weird to me that he’s so upset. But everyone else made it seem like he was just being pissy over his bruised ego.”

“Not cute,” Andi said.

“Yeah, agreed. But at other times he’s so fucking cute I can hardly stand it.”

Andi laughed. “Like I said, Rosie, I really think you’re just going to have to wait and see.”

I sighed, “I know. It just sucks.”

We laid there awhile longer, talking about other things, catching up with each other after not having seen each other in awhile. She had been so busy with school and work that I only saw her a few minutes each day. This was the most amount of time we’d spent together in ages.

“I have some exciting news,” she said eventually.

“You’re pregnant!” I joked.

“Oh, Jesus! No! Besides, I’d need a man for that,” she said with a laugh. “But seriously, I am off work tonight! No school or work for this bitch!”

I popped up from my position in the bed. “We have to go out!”

She laughed, “That’s what I was thinking. And I kind of want to meet these men that have been consuming your time lately. Would they be up for going out with us?”

I thought about it for a moment and said, “Probably. They love a good party.”

I grabbed my phone and texted Matt right away. I figured he was the only one that would reply to me this early on a Saturday morning.

Rosie: Hey! What are you guys up to tonight?

Matt: I was actually just about to text you but didn’t want to wake you up. Should have known you’d be up early on a Saturday.

Rosie: LOL

Matt: Anyways I’m having a BBQ at my place tonight around 6 if you want to join.

Rosie: Sounds fun! Can I bring my roommate Andrea?

Matt: Sure! Bring bathing suits!

Rosie: Awesome, text me the address. See ya!

Andrea was extremely excited at the idea of getting out of the house and doing something that would actually be fun. I promised to be the designated driver for her and everything. She needed to have fun and let loose. And I had a feeling that with these guys, it would be easy for her to do.

-0-

I was 6 o’clock and Andrea and I hadn’t left our apartment yet. She was freaking out about what to wear as I sat on her bed, waiting for her to get ready.

“I wish this wasn’t a swimming thing,” she said finally after searching through her closet. “I’m too fat for this shit.”

“Andi, stop. You have a gorgeous body,” I told her, meaning it. She was curvy in all the right ways.

“Not as nice as yours. Wish I had your flat stomach,” she said with a sigh.

“But I wish I had your rack!” I said with a smile. She was much more well-endowed than I was.

She laughed, grabbing a cute sundress. She slipped it on over her navy one-piece bathing suit that extenuated all of her curves. She looked adorable in her little light blue dress. Her brown hair fell in waves over her shoulders and she had really beautiful natural makeup on.

“Perfect!” I told her, then questioning what I had on. “Should I wear a dress too?”

“Nah, you look hot,” she said with a grin. I had on my black bikini with short, ripped jean shorts, and a maroon tank with a mesh back. It was more my style than a sundress would be anyways.

We grabbed towels and packed extra clothes, just in case. I grabbed the bottle of vodka that was in our freezer as well, then we were out the door.

When we got to Matt’s house, I parked on the street. Andi looked a little nervous, which was kind of out of her character. She was normally the outgoing one, while I was the shy one.

“Hey, you alright?” I asked her before getting out of the car.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just a little nervous; I haven’t been to a party in a long time.”

“I get it. These guys are so awesome and I think you’ll get along with them really well. You’ll like Val too. I’m not sure if Michelle will be here or not. Anyways, we have booze and hot guys, so it will be fun,” I told her with a grin.

She laughed. “Ok, let’s go.”

We got out of the car and walked up to the front door, ringing the doorbell. Zacky opened the door and let us in. I swear his mouth dropped open when he saw Andi and I couldn’t help but smile. He stuttered over his greeting, totally taken by my friend. Andrea noticed this as well and she blushed as she shook his hand when I introduced them.

“Uh, everyone’s out back,” Zack said. He led us out to the back patio where everyone else was. We placed our stuff down by the door and I handed Zack our vodka. Val was the first person we saw, so I introduced her to Andi.

“Nice you meet you! Rosie told me all about you!” Val said with a smile.

“I hope that’s a good thing,” she said with a laugh.

“Andi, that’s Matt, Jimmy is in the pool with Johnny. Jimmy is the tall one. You met Zack. Brian is over there,” I said, pointing to him. He was laying on a pool chair, shirtless. I took a breath before continuing, “The guys sitting by the pool are Matt and Jason Berry. They’re roadies for the band.”

“And Michelle, my sister, is in the kitchen. She’s my twin, but she has brown hair,” Val said. So she was here, then. This would make the evening interesting.

I walked Andi around, formally introducing her to everyone. I noticed that through this, Zack couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He was sitting next to Brian, which gave me a good idea.

When we were alone again, I whispered, “Ok, so Zacky is drooling over you.”

She giggled a bit, “I noticed. Didn’t want to think too much of it.”

“Are you into him?”

“He’s really good looking,” she said with a blush. “I don’t really know him, though.”

“Come swim with me,” I said with a little wink. “They won’t be able to look away.”

She noticed then how he was sitting with Brian and she nodded. “Good idea.”

We both stripped of our top layers, revealing our bathing suits to the crowd. Jimmy gave a wolf whistle, making me laugh. We walked over to the pool and Andi dipped in her foot to feel the temperature. I didn’t bother and jumped right in, making sure to splash Jimmy and Johnny as much as possible.

“Damn it, Rosie!” Johnny yelled.

“We need to have a cannon ball contest after that shit,” Jimmy said.

Andi eventually made her way into the pool and we chatted with Johnny and Jimmy for awhile. They were so hilarious, we were practically crying in laughter. I saw Zack and Brian watching our exchange the whole time. Brian had on sunglasses, so I couldn’t really tell what expression he really had, but I could tell Zack wanted in on the action. Eventually he came over and sat by the pool. I gave Andi a little nudge, and she moved over to him. When they began talking on their own, I left the pool, knowing my job was done.

When I got out of the pool, I made sure to stretch my body right where Brian could see it. I knew I looked good in the bathing suit; it made my butt look big and it showed off my tattoos. I messed with my hair, putting it up into a messy bun, and walked over to get my towel. I made sure to bend over at just the right angle as I grabbed it, then looked over my shoulder at Brian. He was definitely staring. I gave him a grin over my shoulder, then walked away into the house.

It felt good being a tease, honestly. I wanted him to know what he was missing. Normally I wouldn’t be like this, but I already knew he was attracted to me, so why not? I knew he had some shit to figure out, so I was hoping to speed up the process.

Michelle was still in the kitchen when I walked in, and I instantly felt awkward. She had been nothing but nice to me, but I felt bad about everything that had been going on. Did she know about what was going on between Brian and I?

“Hey, girl,” she said when she saw me. “I was just cutting up some fruit.”

“Oh nice,” I said awkwardly. “I just came in for a drink.”

I went ahead over to the plethora of alcohol and mixers that they had and made myself a Jack and Diet Coke, as usual.

“Rosie, can I ask you something?” Michelle said, taking a break from cutting the watermelon.

I swallowed nervously. “Yeah.”

“Are you and Brian together?”

I shook my head, “No, we aren’t.”

She nodded, “I was just curious. I didn’t want you to think I’d be mad or anything. I saw how he was flirting with you yesterday.”

So she did see then. “Yeah, that’s basically all it’s been.”

“I’m glad, to tell you the truth. I adore Brian as a friend, truly, but we just didn’t work together. I want him to be happy. I hated to see him so upset after we broke up,” she told me.

She was so cool, I thought to myself. Not all girls would act like this. So I told her, “That’s really cool of you, Michelle. But honestly, I don’t know what’s going on between us. He’s giving me mixed signals.”

Michelle nodded, “I’m not surprised. He’s not always the best at sharing how he feels. But trust me, if he’s showing interest in you, he really does mean it.”

“I don’t question that,” I admitted, “But I wonder what his intentions are. I told him all of this, though, so I’m just going to wait and see.”

She laughed a bit. “Well, good luck with that. To tell you the truth, you might have to push him a little bit. He’s a proud man. Anyways, will you help me take out this food?”

I nodded, putting down my drink and picked up the food that had been prepared. I felt conflicted. One on hand, I felt like he should come to me and make his move, to show me how he feels. But, on the other hand, Michelle, who know him really well, didn’t agree with that perspective. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was I wanted him to want me, and I wanted him to tell me himself.


	10. IOU

After Michelle and I took out the food, I put my clothes back on, feeling a little odd strutting around in my bikini. My surge of confidence from earlier was gone; I felt uneasy after my conversation with Michelle. I had been happy to tease him a bit with my body earlier, but now I just didn’t know. As bad as I wanted Brian to just come to me on his own, I wasn’t sure if showing off my ass was the way to do it. I was embarrassed, honestly, but just had to roll with it. I knew he had looked, after all.

Andi had put her dress back on as well, and she and I sat with Zack at one of the tables on the patio. Basically, I sat there watching the two flirt and get to know each other. I didn’t really mind, but I was probably getting in the way of their love connection. They didn’t really seem to notice me, though, so it was easy for me to slip away after I finished my meal. I went back into the kitchen to make myself another drink. Even though I promised to drive, I knew a drink or two wouldn’t hurt, and I was feeling too awkward to resist alcohol.

Brian was in the kitchen when I walked in, mixing a drink for himself. I froze, not knowing what to do or say.

“Hey,” he said simply. “Want a drink?”

I nodded and told him what I wanted. He began mixing it for me, putting way more whiskey in it that I normally would. I took a sip, grimacing as it burned down my throat.

Brian laughed, “Too strong?”

“A bit, but I’ll get used to it,” I said with a chuckle.

We stood there for a moment and I felt so weird, not knowing what to do or say. Should I just act like nothing happened?

He moved closer to me and I noticed his eyes move to my chest. The dampness of my bikini top had soaked through my tank and the outline of my bathing suit was totally visible. He swallowed as he scanned my body, making me feel hot all over. His eyes landed on my lips for a moment, then drifted to my eyes.

“I still owe you a kiss,” he said, moving even closer to me. My heart started beating faster and my lips parted as I tried to keep my breath. His hand cupped my face and his thumb drifted over my bottom lip. I wanted to protest, make him tell me what was going to come of this, but I couldn’t. I could not ruin this moment, regardless of the outcome. I was so entranced by him I didn’t think I’d be able to say anything anyways.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered to me, leaning in closer. We were inches apart now, and his hand moved from my face to the back of my neck and he gently moved me closer to him. I felt my body give in and I closed my eyes, giving myself to him.

His lips ever so gently pressed against mine, as if he was waiting for my response. I kissed him back, leaning my body into his. He deepened the kiss, touching his tongue against my lip, causing them to part. I felt his tongue inside my mouth and I moaned into the kiss. Our moment of passion ended too quickly, though, as he broke away from me. He moved his hand away from my neck and let it drift to my lower back.

I stood there not knowing what to do. I was practically out of breath from that kiss. Wow, that kiss! But now what?

We looked into each other’s eyes for a moment before Brian’s mouth turned into a huge grin. I couldn’t help but giggle a little bit from his reaction to our kiss; it was honestly adorable. But, before he could say or do anything else, I felt him jump at the sound of someone screaming his name from outside. He moved away from me then, looking at me and then looking outside to see what was happening.

Jimmy ran to the patio door, soaking wet from the pool. “Hey, love birds! Get out here!”

I blushed and bit my lip, looking to Brian to see what he would do. He shrugged and laughed, then walked outside to see what the fuss was about. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Did he just give me that kiss because of the bet we made or was there more to it?

I followed Brian outside and saw right away why Jimmy was freaking out. In the pool, Val sat on Matt’s shoulders, ready for a game of chicken. I knew what was coming next.

“I need you, Rosie!!” Jimmy yelled, pulling me towards the pool.

“Hey! Hang on!” I said, stopping. I pulled off my shorts and top, figuring I might as well just go along with Jimmy’s antics.

We both got into the pool and Jimmy ducked down so I could get on his shoulders. I felt like a giant once he raised me up all of the way; he was so tall! I could see Andi and Zack sitting closer than even before, continuing their conversation from earlier. They looked lost in each other and I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to see my best friend look so happy!

Michelle and Johnny had moved from their spots sitting next to the pool to be farther away, which was probably a smart decision. Brian stood by the patio door still, leaning against the house with a smirk on his face. From across from me, Val was glaring me down, trying to intimidate me, but she still had a small smile on her face.

“OK!” Jimmy yelled, gripping my legs tightly. “On the count of three! ONE! TWO! THREE!”

On three, the boys moved forward and Val and I pushed against each other, trying to knock each other over into the pool. I pushed as hard as I could, but damn that girl was strong! I clearly needed to work out. With ease, Val knocked me to my side, and though Jimmy did everything he could to keep me upright, I fell off his shoulders. On my fall, I felt my hand smack against the side of the pool, scraping down the side of the slightly rough surface.

When I rose back above water, I felt Jimmy grab my hand. “Shit, you’re bleeding!”

“Oh, geez. Let me get out of the pool,” I said, not wanting to get blood in the water. It didn’t hurt too bad, but it was bleeding a lot.

Brian walked over to me with a towel, then took my hand. “Come on, I’ll get you some Band-Aids.”

I smiled as he took my non-bleeding hand and led me back into the house. He didn’t let me go the whole time as he led me into the bathroom to help me clean my wound. Once we were there, I ran my hand under water to wash off the blood, then Brian broke out the first aid kit that was under the sink. He wiped the cut with alcohol to clean my hand, then bandaged it. As he did this, his hand lingered over mine longer than necessary, his thumb brushing over the Band-Aid.

“Thanks,” I said softly, looking up at Brian. His eyes met mine and I felt myself become entranced again. There was something about how he looked at me that put me under some sort of spell. I couldn’t walk away and I didn’t want to.

I let myself move closer to him, moving both of my hands to his bare chest. His hands wrapped around my waist then and he pulled me closer to him. I let my hands slid up his soft skin and move around his neck, gently tugging him towards me. I closed my eyes as he kissed me, giving into the spell I was put under. As we kissed, his hands roamed my damp skin and I felt like I was on fire from his touch. Our tongues danced as his hands moved to my hips. As the kiss became more and more intense, I had one hand in his hair, and he lifted me to sit on the bathroom sink. I wrapped my legs around him, continuing the heated kiss.

Brian broke from my lips, but continued kissing me on my neck. I moaned from the soft kisses on my skin and his hands moving to my thighs. But, when he moved his hands to my inner thighs, I felt sirens go off in my head. As much as my body wanted to let this continue, I knew I needed to take a step back.

I grabbed his hands, moving them back to the outside of my legs. He stopped kissing me then, looking up at me to look me in the eye.

“Brian, I-“ I started to say, but I didn’t know how to finish.

Brian began to move away from me so that my legs were now at his sides rather than wrapped around him. He sighed and looked away from me, then softly said, “Rosie, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” I asked, confused.

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”

I swallowed, saddened by this. “Oh.”

“I just don’t want you to be upset. I got lost in the moment.”

I nodded, not really knowing what to do. Did the mean this was all he wanted from me?

“Everything OK?” I heard a voice from down the hall. Brian backed away from me then, moving out into the hall.

“Yeah, she’s just going to the bathroom,” he lied.

I frowned, hopping off of the bathroom sink. He didn’t even want to admit what was going on. I guess I couldn’t blame him too much there; with so much unanswered about what was going on here, why would he tell anyone what had just happened? I wouldn’t have either.

He looked back at me and gave me a small smile. “We should go,” he said, walking away and leaving me standing there somewhat dumbfounded.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a wet crazy mess and I had a little sunburn on my cheeks. I sighed, mad at myself for what had happened. Why had I let myself get so wrapped up in my lust? That’s all it was, right? I couldn’t truly have real feelings for this man, who I didn’t even know that well. All I knew was that he was incredibly sexy, a great musician, and had a lot of pride. I didn’t really know him, so why was I getting so worked up over this?

I didn’t want to have a purely sexual relationship. That was never something I wanted from any man. But if he was not willing to open up to me and share himself with me, this would never work. I had to remind myself that it was okay if that was how this ended. Even though it made me sad to think, maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

-0-

The rest of the party went by quickly. I separated myself from Brian as much as possible, and throughout the whole night he wouldn’t look at me. I hung out with Jimmy for the most part because he made me laugh and distracted me from all of my mixed up feelings. Johnny and Brian were playing beer pong. Michelle had left early because she had to work in the morning. Matt and Val were cuddled up together in one of the chairs on the patio, talking, laughing, and kissing. It was so cute to see. Zack and Andi were still talking at the table, but I noticed they were sitting much closer together now. It was nice to see them together, getting to know each other and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. That’s what Brian and I needed, but at this rate, I didn’t think it would ever happen.

Jimmy and I were laying down by the pool. Our feet were dangling in the water and we were staring up at the sky, looking at the stars. We couldn’t see too many of them, being so close to LA, but it was still nice to pretend like we were star gazers.

“Looking up at the sky like this makes you think,” I said softly, kind of to myself more than to Jimmy. “It makes you realize how insignificant you are.”

“I don’t know, Rosie,” Jimmy said. “I don’t think we’re insignificant. But it does make our lives just seem like a work of fiction. Like how can it all be real?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I guess what I meant was that it makes all your worries and troubles seem insignificant.”

“What are your troubles, Rosie-posey?”

“Oh, nothing,” I said, not really wanted to confess anything to the best friend of the man who was causing me this confusion.

Jimmy sat up and I followed suit. “Brian is an idiot,” he said with a laugh.

I didn’t say anything, just sat there staying at my feet in the water.

“Look, Rosie, don’t let him get you down. He just doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.”

“Well, that’s just it, Jimbo. I don’t want to be a part of this if he’s not sure of what he wants,” I ended up confessing. I didn’t feel right getting Jimmy in the middle of this, but I figured if anyone knew how Brian operated, it was Jimmy.

Jimmy looked over to Brian and Johnny playing beer pong. I hadn’t ever really seen him this quiet before. He was usually so boisterous and talkative, but now he seemed rather contemplative. I wondered what was going through his wild mind.

“He knows how you feel, so you just need to let him figure shit out. I know it sucks, but he’s just being an idiot. He’ll figure it out,” Jimmy said.

I nodded, knowing he was right. I couldn’t let what happened earlier happen again. I needed to give him space, as much as it hurt me to do so, to figure out what he wanted. I hated his indecisiveness, but I had to try and be understanding. I just couldn’t let him use me whenever he wanted. He either wanted me completely, or he couldn’t have me at all.


	11. Poison & Wine

It was Monday morning and I was dreading going into work. I did not want to face Brian and the embarrassment that would come with having to work with him today. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen when we started to work together. At least we didn’t sleep together yet. Yet. I scolded myself at the thought. That wouldn’t be happening, as far as I was concerned!

After the party, Andi was over the moon telling me all of the details about her night with Zack. She knew right away there was a connection, that they were going to make something of this. The way she spoke of it made me kind of jealous, which I hated to admit. I was really happy for her, truly, but selfishly I couldn’t help but think why that couldn’t be me.

Brian and I have a connection- that I’m sure of. But whether that connection goes beyond lust is unknown to me. When Andi talked of her and Zack’s future plans to hang out and go on dates, I felt sorry for myself for letting myself get wrapped up in something with Brain that wasn’t even real. Then, all of these thoughts made me feel like such a selfish bitch; I needed to be happy for my friend.

With Andi’s crazy schedule, she admitted it was hard for her and Zack to come up with a time to try and go on a date, so they settled on Sunday, the day after the party. That’s how easy it had been for them; they met, they clicked, so now they’re going on a date. I was really excited for her to see where it went because I adored Zack and knew they would be a good pair, but I still was envious.

When she got back from her date Sunday night, she told me of all of the details. He had taken her to a nice restaurant by the beach, then they took a walk on the beach, stopping to watch the sunset. Apparently he had been a true gentlemen all night. They ended the night with a kiss on our front porch, and he promised to call her soon. It honestly was the perfect first date, as far as I’m concerned.

After she told me all of this, I decided to swear off Brian. How hard is it to take a girl out on a date, anyways? We could have had that. He would seriously have to beg for me to be with him if that’s what he wanted. I couldn’t go through this back and forth bullshit. As much as I loved the flirting and the heated moments with him, I needed the full package.

I got to the studio much earlier than normal, knowing that I needed some time to work on my music. Music was my outlet and way to express myself. After everything that had just happened, I wrote a new song this weekend. I wanted to come into the studio so that I could practice this new song.

I immediately got out my guitar and sat in my normal seat in the studio, not quite ready to go into the booth and record just yet. I needed to warm up my voice and practice this new song a few times. I relaxed, took a deep breath, and began to play.

“You only know what I want you to.  
I know everything you don’t want me to.  
Oh, your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine.  
You think your dreams are the same as mine?”

I continued to play and sing, closing my eyes while I let the music consume me. Even upon finishing, I kept my eyes closed, only to open them when I heard the sound of applause.

My eyes snapped open at the sound, looking to see who was there. To my dismay, it was the one person I didn’t want to see, and who I really didn’t want to hear the song I hate written, especially since parts about it were specifically about him.

“I like it,” Brian said with a smile as he leaned against the door frame. “I’m assuming you wrote it?”

I nodded, not really wanting to have this conversation. I went to put away my guitar, but Brian interrupted me, saying, “Don’t put that away just because I’m here.”

“Well, I came here early to work on my music alone, so yeah, I do,” I said coldly.

“I didn’t know you’d be here, Rosie. I came to do the same. I’m sorry I interrupted. I can leave if you want,” he said. It was a nice offer, but now I just wasn’t in the mood.

“It’s whatever,” I said, packing up my guitar. I stood and took it to the back of the studio where we stored a lot of instruments.

“Rosie-” Brian started. He had followed me to the back room.

“Just stop,” I said. I could feel the tension in my shoulders, the stress balling up in my stomach. I didn’t want to react to his presence like this, but I was so on edge around him now. Everything felt so awkward and weird. I didn’t want to show him how bothered I was, but I was not good at hiding my emotions. The whole thing made me feel so weak and stupid. “It’s not a big deal. You’re paying for studio time, I’m not. You get first dibs, OK? So if you need my help on anything, let me know. I’ll be out front.” I started to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm.

“Listen to me,” he said softly.

I wouldn’t look him in the eye, but I did stop to listen to him.

He continued, “Keep playing, please. I want to hear more. Just pretend I’m not here.”

I looked up at him, confused. “No, I don’t think I can do that,” I ended up saying.

“Please,” he said in a whisper. “Hearing you sing is just… It’s amazing, Rosie. I’d love to hear more, if that’s okay.”

This whole thing was so weird, but part of me reveled in it. The slight blush on his cheeks and how he wouldn’t really look my in the eye proved to me that he was sincere, but I was still surprised.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I’m not quite done, though, so don’t judge me.”

He nodded and gave me a smile before sitting on the couch in the studio. I got my guitar back out, and then sat on the other side of the couch and began to play, trying to relax. I closed my eyes and tried to forget he was there before starting to sing again.

“I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back.  
The less I give, the more I get back.  
Oh, you hands can heal, your hands can bruise.  
I don’t have a choice, but I’d still choose you.”

I stopped after playing a few more chords, feeling like something was missing from the song. I looked up at Brian, who was staring at me intently, as if mesmerized. I blushed at the thought.

“Damn, Rosie,” he practically whispered.

I laughed a bit, looking down at my guitar. “Something is missing. I have chorus, but it’s very repetitive. It needs some harmonies or something, but I just don’t have them down yet.”

“Sing it. Maybe I can help,” he suggested, scooting over on the couch closer to me.

My stomach knotted at the thought. “Uh, okay.”

Nervously I began to play again, singing the chorus. It was a simple line repeated, “Oh, I don’t love you, but I always will.” Each time it was sung, the notes would change ever so slightly, but the impact of the line was still there.

After I finished, Brian nodded, saying, “Sing it again.”

I did, but almost stopped when I heard his voice joining mine. I couldn’t help but smile; it was so perfect. It was exactly what the song needed: a male and female voice, singing the same heartfelt line together.

Brian smiled at me when we finished singing. “I think this song was made to be a duet.”

I nodded, “It was pretty amazing, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah it really was,” he said in return. It was only then that I noticed our knees were touching. He had moved even closer to me. He moved his hand from his own leg over to mine, and he leaned in closer to me. Thank God my guitar was in the way, or else I might have let him continue.

I got up from my seat, stopping his advances. I needed to make it known to him that I wasn’t going to do this anymore.

Luckily, voices from the front room were heard, and I moved to put away my guitar. I said a silent prayer of thanks, so happy that other people showed up at the very moment I was about to have an awkward conversation with Brian. Now I just needed to get through the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song from chapter is "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars


	12. The Setup

A few days had passed since Brian and I played together in the studio. Recording had continued as usual, and though it was a little awkward at times, it was generally going very well. Maybe that was because I was working more with Zacky over these last few days. He never tried to flirt with me or touch me; all he cared about was getting his parts recorded and talking about Andi. Which he did all of the time. It was cute and all, but I had to admit that it was getting a little old, especially since Brian was sitting there the whole time listening. At times it made me feel awkward, but I was happy for him and my best friend.

I tried to keep my persona as professional as possible. I didn’t want Brian to know that I was worked up over his flirtations or his touches, but I did try to make it clear that I wasn’t going to play along. After we sang together, he had attempted these things a few more times, but I noticed that each day it happened less and less. He was getting the message, for sure, but part of me was almost disappointed by it. I wanted him to want me, honestly. I wanted him to want us to be together, though, not just something to toy with. I had to remind myself this daily because of how much he got to me.

It was Thursday at the studio and Zacky and I were working on his parts of a song called Wicked End. It was my favorite song for the record so far because of how complex it was. It was taking us much longer to get through these parts of the song than other tracks did, but it was reasonable. Zack was getting really frustrated with his parts and decided he needed a break, which left Brian and I alone.

“Well, do you want to work on your parts?” I asked Brian after Zack had left the room.

Brian didn’t answer right away, but moved from the couch to the chair next to me. Before picking up his guitar, he said, “Rosie, is something wrong?”

I furrowed my brow. “No, why?”

“You’ve just been kinda… I don’t know. Cold, I guess. Like you don’t want to be around me,” he said, looking me right in the eye.

I bit my lip. “I didn’t mean to be cold, I just want to get my work done here.”

He nodded and didn’t say anything. He looked as though he was lost for something to even say. Something in his eyes showed sadness. He picked up his guitar then and made himself comfortable in the chair.

“I just thought you were mad at me from the other day. You haven’t really talked to me since we sang together, which I thought was amazing.”

I took a breath, trying to think about what I wanted to say before I did something stupid. I didn’t want to show him my emotions outright, but I wasn’t good at hiding things from people.

I turned to look at him and said, “I just need to keep things professional between us so we don’t blur the lines of what we are to each other again.”

I saw Brian clench his jaw, so something I saw must have pissed him off. I felt like no matter what I did here, it was the wrong thing. But I needed to protect my heart.

Instead of pushing the issue further, Brian said, “Ok, let’s get started.”

-0-

The rest of the afternoon had gone smooth. Brian and I worked together as well as we could, and though it was a little awkward, it still felt like we clicked so well when we made music together. He still made me laugh with his cussing when he messed up, and he was still receptive to my feedback. What we produced together ended up being absolutely amazing, and we were able to finish most of the track.

Zack had come back eventually, but didn’t really contribute; it was as if he was in a funk all day after he took his break, but I didn’t really know why. He just sat back on the couch behind us with his arms crossed as he stared at the ceiling.

I got home that evening and was really surprised to see Andi already there. That almost never happened. She was at the kitchen table with books and papers scattered everywhere as she studied for an exam she had coming up.

“You’re off work?” I asked her as I took off my coat and shoes.

She nodded. “I have my big exam coming up. The one where I get my license to practice social work. And if I don’t study for this, I’m going to fail, and all of this would have been a huge fucking waste of my time and money, and I am FREAKING OUT!”

I went over behind her and gave her a hug. “You got this! You’ve been working so hard, I know you’ll do great.”

She sighed and put her hand over mine. “Thanks, Rosie. I just can’t fail this. I had to take a few nights off of work to get ready for this. I procrastinated too much. So I might be short for rent this month, which freaks me out. And I was supposed to hang out with Zack tomorrow, but I blew him off so I could have more time to study and so he’s pissed too. I feel like I dug a hole that I can’t get out of.”

Ah, so maybe that’s why Zack was pouting earlier. I let her go and moved to face her. “I can talk with Zack. Don’t worry about him; he probably just doesn’t understand the stress you’re under. And don’t worry about rent. You’ve helped me out before, I got you covered this time. You just need to focus on what’s best for you.”

She sighed. “Thanks, Rosie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Same here, Andi. I’ll let you get back to work.”

I walked across the apartment to my bedroom, shutting the door so that Andi could have as much peace and quiet as possible. I knew I probably should eat, but I was so tired from the day that all I could think about was laying in my bed. I didn’t even take off my clothes before laying down.

Five minutes went by of pure, relaxing silence. It was so nice to just lay here and not think about things. But, of course, just as soon as I felt myself falling into sleep, my phone started ringing. I opened my eyes and sighed. I just wanted one night to myself!

I picked up the phone and saw that it was Jimmy calling. I answered with a groggy hello.

“Ring-around-the-Rosie!!” he yelled, causing me to hold my phone out away from my ear.

“Yes, James?” I said in return. I heard him laugh at the use of his given name.

“I need your help,” he started. “I left something at the studio and I can’t find my key to get in. Can you help me?"

“Can’t any of the guys help you?” I asked. I did not feel like driving back there.

“No they’re all dicks. And you’re so wonderful!”

“That’s really convincing. What did you forget, anyways?”

“My weed!”

I laughed. “Jesus, Jimmy. You can’t bring weed to the studio!”

“I do it all of the time!”

“Fuck, ok. Well, I want it out of there, so I’ll come unlock it for you. Do you want me to give you a ride?”

“No, I’m already on my way there. I didn’t realize I forgot my key until I had already left!”

I laughed. “Ok, I’ll be there soon.”

I hung up the phone and laughed to myself. Jimmy cracked me up, but I couldn’t help but be a little annoyed about all of this, especially since all I wanted to do is sleep. But, I got out of bed, freshened up a bit, then headed out to meet Jimmy at the studio. I figured I could get us some food or something while I was out to make the trip worth it.

When I got to the studio, Jimmy wasn’t there yet, which was weird since he was already on his way there. I figured maybe he stopped along the way, so I texted him to let him know I was there. Then, not wanting to sit in my car, I went ahead and went to unlock the studio.

When I went inside, it wasn’t dark like I expected. There were candles everywhere lighting a path to the back studio. I was curious, but also nervous about what was going on here. My logical brain couldn’t help but think about the fire hazard, but I tried to ignore that as I walked through the front room into the back of the studio.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw him standing there, a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He looked nervous; he was biting his lip when I came into the room. As soon as he saw me, I could see a blush creep up on his cheeks, even though the only light in the room came from the candles.

“Rosie,” he started, moving closer to me. He handed me the flowers.

“Thanks,” I whispered quietly, accepting the gift. I was shaking from the nerves and my stomach was in knots. What was happening here?

He moved closer to me and gently pushed my arms to my side so that the flowers were at my side. He put his hands on my hips and took a deep breath. “Rosie,” he started. His voice was quiet and shaky.

“Brian,” I said in return, biting my lip.

“I know that I have been a massive jerk,” he said. “So I wanted to do this to say that I am sorry. I was in a weird place when I met you, but as soon as I saw you, I knew I had to be with you. I just didn’t go about it the right way and for that I am sorry.”

I nodded, not knowing what else to do. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

“I’m not used to this,” he admitted with a small chuckle. “I’ve only really dated one other person. So I’m sorry, I just was scared because I don’t really know what I’m doing. But, regardless, all I know is that I want to be with you, Rosie.”

He moved one of his hands from my hip to my cheek, moving his thumb over my lip. Last time he did this to me, I totally gave into him. I had a feeling I was going to do the same this time; my knees felt week at his touch and I was doing nothing to back away now.

“Rosie,” he stared again. “Please, will you forgive me?”

I nodded. Of course I would. This gorgeous man set up this extremely romantic moment for me, and after all we had gone through, it was such a wonderful moment. He smiled at me after I nodded, and I leaned into him. He hand on my cheek moved down to my lower back as he leaned down. I moved my arms around his neck, careful that the flowers would not hit him.

His lips crashed against mine with a heated passion and I immediately moaned by the touch. His hands moved through my hand and all over my body as if he couldn’t get enough of me. Our tongues crashed against each other as the kiss become more and more intense. After a moment, though, we broke apart to catch our breath. We rested our foreheads against each other and I couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

“What?” he said with a grin.

“I just didn’t think you would ever do something like this,” I admitted.

He backed away from me a bit to look me in the eye. “Rosie, I regret that you ever doubted me and what I think of you. From the moment we met I was entranced by your beauty. You’re so kind, loving, and fun to be with. And when I heard to sing at Johnny’s, my fate was sealed. I fell for you then, Rosie. I knew I couldn’t let you go, I just didn’t know how to do that. I’m so sorry.”

I leaned into him to embrace him, laying my head against his chest. He kissed the top of my head, hugging me back. I moved back, looking up at him, saying “Thank you. Brian, I am not good at this either. I am shy, awkward, and not very confident. But when we sang together the other day, I really felt something. You make me feel so… beautiful. So confident. And I love that about you. I want to be with you, too. I just needed you to see that we were meant to be together.”

He smiled at me, then gave me a small kiss on the lips. “I see it, Rosie. You are mine and I am yours.”

He moved slightly to take the flowers he had given me to set them down. Then he embraced me again, kissing me gently. I opened my lips to let his tongue enter my mouth and moaned as I felt his hands move down my back to my hips. I pressed my hips into his and his mouth broke from mine. He kissed my cheek and moved onto my neck, making me shiver from the touch. I could feel him getting excited and it turned me on. I wanted him so bad.

He moved away from my neck back to my lips. Our kiss had gotten so heated that I was practically laying against the soundboard, and though my brain told me not to break anything, my body didn’t care. It wasn’t until Brian broke from me and a curse that I noticed I had knocked over one of the candles.

“Good lord,” I said, putting my hands over my face as Brian picked up the candle.

“It’s ok, just some wax on the floor,” he said with a laugh. “I kind of over did it with the candles.”

I shook my head. “It was perfect.”

He smiled and embraced me. “I needed a perfect moment for a perfect girl.”

I smiled back at him, then gently kissed him on the lips. I could get used to this.


	13. Sneaking Kisses

Brian and I spent the rest of the evening in the studio, just talking about our lives and learning about each other. We decided to blow out the candles after I almost caught the place on fire, and we sat on the couch as we talked. Eventually I had cuddled up next to him and laid my head on his shoulder, shutting my eyes as he talked about how he met the guys and became friends with them. I couldn’t help myself, but as he spoke and ran his hand through my hair, I drifted off to sleep.

Not much time had passed before Brian had nudged me awake, smiling down at me. He helped me off of the couch and led me out to my car, making sure I was okay to drive home. And before I did, he embraced me and kissed me, making me weak in the knees.

The whole way home I was elated and felt like I was in a dream. The whole night had been so perfect; not only had he set up this extremely romantic night for me, I was able to just sit and talk with him and have a real conversation. It almost didn’t seem real.

I crashed as soon as I got home. Andi was already in bed, which was good; she wasn’t staying up all night studying and stressing herself out. Though I was filled with all of these happy emotions, I fell asleep as soon as I got comfortable, drifting off into the land of dreams.

-0-

The next morning I awoke and was actually excited to go to work. . I loved my job, but lately it had been a struggle wanting to go. I skipped to the shower, got in, and was immediately lost in thought. Now things were different. Brian was my….

Well, I didn’t really know what yet. He didn’t really ask me to be his girlfriend outright, so would it be wrong for me to assume that’s what I was? Or were we just dating at this point with no labels? Thinking of all of this suddenly made me nervous for the day to come rather than excited. How would we interact with each other at work? Did everyone else know we were seeing each other now? Would we act like nothing happened?

It’s not that I wanted to make a spectacle out of our relationship, but I didn’t want to have to walk on eggshells either. With the initial teasing aside, I felt like the guys would be cool with it and probably wouldn’t give us a hard time. But is that what Brian wanted? Would he be embarrassed to admit it?

I got out of the shower, wrapping my hair in a towel and I put on my robe. I walked to my bedroom across the hall and sat at my vanity. I groaned at myself, rolling my eyes as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Why would I let myself get all worked up about this stuff before I even knew what was going to happen? I always did this to myself; every sticky situation I was ever in I would over-analyze to the point where I thought I had no hope.

I sighed and put on some music, trying to clear my mind. I listened to Metallica as I put on my makeup and dried my hair, straightening it with the brush as I blow-dried it. I put on my tightest black jeans that I owned, a gray V-neck tee, and my red buffalo style flannel. I looked really cute, but not like I was trying too hard, which was the look I was going for.

When I walked out of my room, Andi was already there studying. It was only eight o’clock, and I knew she had class in about an hour, but she looked like she had been there for a while.

“Andi,” I almost scolded. “How early did you get up?

“I got up at six so I could study a bit this morning before class. I have to work tonight; I couldn’t get it off. And the test is this weekend,” she said sadly.

I walked over and gave her a hug. “You’re doing great. Do what you gotta do, but don’t kill yourself over it. Let me know if I can help.”

She nodded and I let her go, walking over to the foyer to get my shoes and jacket. I said goodbye to her, wishing her luck for the day before I walked out the door.

The whole ride there I forced myself not to think about Brian. I didn’t want to ruin such a great memory of the night before by over analyzing everything he did or said. Instead, I blasted music and sang along the whole way, feeling really carefree as the wind blew through my hair. I loved cruising around with the windows open and music cranked up loud.

I got to the studio later than usual because I had decided to get donuts for everyone. Zacky and Matt were already there when I walked in, and they immediately ran to the box of donuts before I could even set it down. I laughed as the fought over the sprinkle donut and gently sat the box down on the table. I thought of Andi and how she loves sprinkled donuts, too, which reminded me of how Zacky had been angry with her for ditching him.

“Andi loves the sprinkled ones too, Zack,” I said causally, poking him in the arm to tease him.

He frowned and said, “Well, who knows if I’ll ever see her again. If I do, I’ll make sure to buy her one.”

“Don’t be like that, Zacky,” I said with a frown. “I know you might not know this yet, but Andi is so busy and she’s not just making that up. She works nights at a bar, she’s in school full time, and she has her huge exam coming up soon. She’s not blowing you off because she want to, she has really important work to do.”

Zack frowned and said, “Yeah, I get it. It’s just disappointing. I know we just started dating, but I really want to be able to see her as much as possible before we go on tour again.”

I felt my stomach drop. How could I not have thought about them touring? I didn’t know what that would mean for Brian and me.

“I didn’t think about that,” I admitted, sadness in my voice. I tried to perk myself back up before I said, “Regardless, please try and cut her a little slack. She really likes you, but she’s  
been working at this for a long time.”

Zack nodded, “Okay, Rosie.” He gave me a big smile and a hug, then said, “You’re a good friend.”

I hugged him back, nuzzling my head into his chest. He gave me a big squeeze, but let me know when he heard a voice.

“Hey, let go of my girl.”

Zack let me go and laughed. “Your girl? Shut up, Gates.”

I turned red, looking at Brian grinning. He didn’t say anything else, but came up to me to hug me too. I melted into his embrace, even as he snuck his hands a little too low on my back.

“I give way better hugs than that chump over there,” he said softly in my ear. He left me go then, giving me a wink, then walked over to the donuts I brought. I was still blushing, thinking about why he did that and whether or not Zack and Matt thought anything of it. It didn’t seem like they even noticed.

The rest of the band showed up shortly after, followed by the producers. We got to work right away, and nothing else was said about Brian and me. I guess everyone was used to our flirting and touches, so they didn’t think much of it as we continued doing it throughout the day.

Zack was working on practicing his part for Wicked End. Brian and I were just sitting back and giving him feedback while he worked, but there wasn’t much we really needed to do.  
Brian kept looking at me and smiling, and at one point, he wiggled his eyebrows at me. I couldn’t stop laughing as he made silly faces, but our giggles were making Zack mad.

“Could you two stop?” he said, his voice tense. “I need to get this down.”

“You should’ve practiced yesterday like I told you to,” Brian said, leaning back in his chair so he could stare at the ceiling.

“Sorry, Zack. We’ll stop,” I said.

“It’s fine. I’m gonna go in one of the back rooms to keep working so you two can work on something else. Might as well do something productive,” Zacky said, picking up his things. He stood and slowly walked to the back of the studio where we had a few small rooms and booths.

Brian moved back to a normal position in his chair and gave me a huge grin. He rolled over next to me, placing his legs in between mine. “We’re alone now,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows again.

I laughed at him and rolled my eyes a bit. “And?”

“And… now I can kiss you whenever I want,” he said softly, leaning in to kiss me gently on the lips. I smiled at him and he smiled back, but his grin turned to a smirk as his hands moved to my thighs.

“Brian,” I whispered. I didn’t want him to stop, but I wasn’t sure if this was the time or place.

He gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. “I wish we could just move over to that couch and make out right now,” he said bluntly.

I snorted. “Yes, I’m sure my boss would love that.”

“He won’t care,” Brian whispered, standing up.

He grabbed my hands, pulled me out of my chair and over to the couch. I laughed as he pulled me down, giving him a fake stern look. He moved closer to me and brushed my hair behind my ear, cupping my face in his hand. He closed the gap between us, planting a short, sweet kiss on my lips. He moved his hand down my body, resting it on my thigh. Brian smiled at me then kissed me again.

“We should be careful,” I said. I didn’t want Fred to Mudrock to get pissed at me.

“I know,” he said. “I just can’t resist you.”

He pulled me a little closer then, giving me more sweet, little kisses. He moved, putting his arm around me so that I could sit back in a normal position on the couch. It was lucky that he did too; Jimmy walked in the room right after I moved.

His eyes lit up when he saw us. A grin crept up on his face. “What do we have here?”

I started to speak but Brian interrupted me. “We were just talking. Zack was being a bitch and went off to practice.”

As he spoke, he moved his arm away from me and scooted away from me on the couch. I was disappointed. I didn’t want to get caught making out or anything, but I didn’t want Brian lying to his friends about us either.

“Riiiiiiiiight,” Jimmy said, drawing out the word. “I don’t believe you.”

Brian shrugged, but didn’t say anything else. I was so tempted to tell Jimmy what we had just been doing, but I didn’t want to make Brian mad. Jimmy was his best friend, though; why didn’t he want to tell him?

The rest of the day went pretty smooth as we recorded different parts of the song. I focused mostly on listening in on Matt’s session for the rest of the day. Brian and I were done, Zack needed to practice more, so there wasn’t anything I could do with them. Brian and I barely spoke the rest of the day, and the exchanges we did have were awkward. It felt like he didn’t want people reading into our normal flirting, which I knew they wouldn’t do. We had done it all morning and no one cared, so why change now?

When we were done for the day, I stuck around to clean up the kitchen area. I was taking notes of things that needed to be restocked when I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist.

“Alone at last,” he said into my ear, kissing the lobe when he finished speaking. A shiver moved down my spine, and I was immediately turned on. His hands moved from my belly to my hips, fingers lingering dangerously close to my inner thighs. His kisses moved to my neck and I felt myself go weak in the knees.

Brian gently spun me around and kissed me on the lips, his hands now fully on my ass. His kiss wasn’t gentle and sweet like before; it was hungry and full of passion. I moaned at the touch, allowing myself to fall into his kiss.

When he broke apart from me he smiled and said, “I’ve wanted to do that all day.”

“You didn’t have to wait,” I said softly, not looking in his eyes.

“You said it yourself; your boss wouldn’t like that.”

“Well, I guess I didn’t mean kissing. But you didn’t have to hide it from everyone. Especially Jimmy earlier.”

Brian took a step back, obviously surprised by my words. “I didn’t think you’d want everyone to know. Since we work together and everything.”

“I mean, yeah I guess it will be awkward at first, but they’ll get over it. We’re all adults.”

"True. I'm pretty sure Jimmy figured it out. Especially since he already knew that I'm crazy about you," he said, making me smile. "And Zack probably noticed something fishy when I called you my girl this morning."

I smiled. "I liked that."

Brian smiled back, then came closer to me. He put his arms around me then kissed me on my forehead. “I’m sorry, Rosie. Tomorrow we can make out on the kitchen table at lunch.”

I laughed. “You know that’s not what I meant!”

He laughed back and gave me a kiss. “We’ll tell them tomorrow.”


	14. Date Night

When I got to the studio the next day, I made sure to get there early to work on my music some more. I didn’t care that much if someone walked in on me anymore; they had all heard me sing and had encouraged me to do so. At this point I felt much more comfortable around the boys, especially since the awkwardness between Brian and I had developed into a relationship.

The thought of it made me smile. I was excited to make it known to everyone today too. I hoped it went as well as it had when I told Andi last night. I hadn’t got the chance to tell her earlier because she had been so stressed from work and studying, so I told her when we had dinner together last night. She was so excited that she hopped out of her chair to give me a hug, telling me that she knew it would happen.

I smiled as I strummed my guitar, feeling really good about everything happening in my life right now. I had the best job, a great best friend, and a super sexy rock star boyfriend. I giggled at the thought of it; it was crazy that I was dating someone who was somewhat famous and was considered a guitar genius. I could only imagine what it would be like to see him perform live or what it would be like to be on tour with a rock star.

I frowned at the thought of this, though; I was worried already about what our future may hold. One of my strengths was making sure everything in my life is well thought out and planned, but this was also one of my weaknesses. I had a hard time letting go and just having fun with things without knowing where they lead. I had dated the guy for two days and I was already worrying about what would happen months from now. I sighed, mad at myself. I wanted to really enjoy this relationship, have fun with it. But I also really liked this man and wanted it to last.

I tried to shake the thoughts from my head as I continued working on my music. I hadn’t recorded the song that Brian and I worked on together yet, so I went into the booth to record the part I had sung. I had only gotten through the first few lines of the song when Brian entered the studio. He waved at me from outside of the booth, and I smiled back as I kept singing. I finished my take, and he hit the button from outside of the booth to talk to me.

“Beautiful as ever, Rosie,” he said.

“Thanks!” I said, packing up my stuff to leave the booth. I walked out, stopped the recording, and then quickly turned to Brian to kiss him.

He put his arms around me after the kiss and said, “Do you want me to record it with you?”

I raised my eye brows, “Oh! I was going to just record both parts myself, but now that you  
mention it…”

“Like I said, I really think that song is meant to be a duet. I’d love to help you out if you need it.”

I nodded, “That would be so great, Bri. If I ever sell it I’ll make sure you get money for it too.”

He shrugged, “I know you’ll sell it, my Rose. But don’t worry about me. You wrote it and everything, I just sang along.”

I blushed when he called me ‘my Rose.’ It was so sweet. I reached up and gave him a kiss, wrapping my arms around my neck. He deepened the kiss, gently touching his tongue against my bottom lip, opening my mouth so he could enter. His right hand moved through my hair as his left hand moved down toward my ass. Before he could squeeze, a wolf whistle made me jump, breaking away from him.

“Holy shit!” I heard Johnny say, cracking up as he saw us jump apart from each other. “I had no fucking clue.”

“What’s happening?!” Matt yelled from the kitchen. He poked his head in the room and grinned when he saw us standing there, blushes on both of our cheeks.

Brian moved so that his arms weren’t around me anymore, scratching the back of his neck.  
He laughed sheepishly before saying, “Yeah, I was going to tell you guys.”

“Tell us what?” Zack asked as he entered the room. Jimmy followed behind him, a grin on his face, as if he already knew what was happening.

“Well, Rosie and I are dating,” he told them.

“YES!” Jimmy yelled, pumping his fists into the air. “I KNEW it when I saw you two yesterday, practically making out on the couch!”

I laughed, but before I could say anything else, Brian put his arm around me and said. “Yep, she’s my girlfriend. Now that that’s settled, let’s make some fucking music.”

Girlfriend. So he used the word. I couldn’t help but smile, and that smile did not leave my face all damn day.

-0-

After we were done recording for the day, Brian held back to wait for me. He looked oddly nervous, shifting back and forth from foot to foot as he waited for me to pack up my things.

“You ok?” I asked with a small chuckle. I walked up to him and slinked my arms around his waist. He quit fidgeting then and a small smile adorned his face as he wrapped his arms around me in return.

He nodded at me then said, “Rosie, I want to take you out on a proper date. Do things that traditional way, you know?”

I smiled and said, “That would be nice.”

“Tonight? I could come pick you up at seven?”

I hugged him tighter, saying, “That would be perfect. Let me go home to get ready.”

“You look perfect already,” he said softly, kissing the top of my head.

We parted ways so we could both go home and get ready for the night. I felt nervous, anxious, and excitement wrapped up all in one. The whole ride home all I could think about was what I wanted to wear.

Andi wasn’t home when I got there, but I saw a note on the kitchen table from her. It said that she was doing a short shift at work, then would be at her school’s 24-hour library to study for her test. I sighed, worried about her; she was hardly sleeping because of how busy she was. But, the test tomorrow; I couldn’t blame her for wanting to study as much as possible.

I took a quick shower to wash my body so I could smell as nice as possible. I decided to use my curling wand to give myself some soft curls, then re-applied my dark makeup. I even added some dark red lipstick. Deciding what to wear, though, was a much more stressful event. But, in the end, I decided on a simple black dress that had an A-line skirt, cap sleeves, and an open back. It showed off my tattoo of a bird rather nicely if I moved my hair out of the way. I put on a pair of nice sandals and I was ready to go.

Brian knocked at my door a few moments later; right on time. I grabbed my purse and keys and opened the door, shocked when I saw him there. He had shaved his small patch of facial hair, his hair was combed out to look purposely wild, and he had on tight black jeans, a gray V-neck shirt, and the coolest leather jacket I had ever seen. With his sunglasses on his face, he looked like James Dean and he was making me swoon.

“Wow,” we both whispered at the same time, causing us both to laugh awkwardly.

“You ready to go, my Rose?” he asked, putting out his hand for me to take it.

I nodded, taking his hand, then followed him out the door, locking it behind me. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, but he assured me that I would love it. I followed him to his car, and before he got in, he opened my door and helped me inside. I could tell he was going out of his way to be a true gentleman for me.

He had on Duran Duran and I teased him about his music taste. We talked about music and our favorite guilty pleasures the rest of the way there. Eventually Brian pulled up to a restaurant that was right on the beach. It wasn’t super fancy, but it wasn’t a dive bar either. It had the cutest patio that we could sit at and watch the water.

“This is one of my favorite places in the whole area,” Brian said. “The views are amazing and the food is amazing. Have you been here?”

I shook my head. “No, but it looks great!”

Brian told me to wait when he got out of the car. He jogged over to my side, opened the door for me, and then took my hand to help me out. I giggled at the cuteness of it all. He kept my hand in his as he led me inside. We were taken to a seat on the back patio so we could enjoy the warmth of the evening and watch the sunset while we ate. Candles were lit at every table and fairly lights were strung from the patio’s roof. It was such a romantic spot for us to have our first date.

Brian ordered us wine and we talked about our families. He told me about his parents and siblings, and how close everyone was to each other. I didn’t speak much about mine until he asked me outright.

“Well, it’s been just me and my mom for a long time,” I told him. “My dad passed away when I was eleven. He had cancer. My parents struggled to have children, so I’m an only child.”

“Wow, Rosie, I’m sorry about your dad,” Brian said, grabbing my hand.

I smiled. “Thanks. It’s still hard sometimes when I hear people talk about all of their fond memories they have with their fathers, but at the same time, I am so blessed to have had such an amazing father while I could. He was the best,” I said, pausing a moment to catch my breath. It had always been hard to talk about this. “He called me his little song bird.”

Brian smiled and said, “That’s perfect, I love that.”

“I got the bird tattoo on my back for him,” I told him. The tattoo was not only a bird, but its body was made of a treble clef.

“Yeah, I saw that earlier. It’s beautiful,” he told me.

“Thank you,” I said. Before I could say anything more, the waiter came to take our order. I was honestly grateful for the interruption, but Brian brought it back up as soon as he left.

“So are you and your mom close?” he asked.

I shook my head and said, “Not really. Things changed when he died. She really did try her hardest, but there’s always been a distance between us. We still talk here and there, but I don’t see her often. She still lives in Ohio.”

“Ohio?” he said, surprised.

“Yeah, that’s where I’m from,” I said with a chuckle. “Did I not tell you that?”

He shook his head, “No, you didn’t. When did you move here, then?”

“For college. I wanted to get away from home and start a new life. High school wasn’t the best for me, I didn’t have a ton of friends, and I just needed a fresh start. I also knew I wanted to be part of the music industry, so what better place than California? I lived in L.A. for a while before moving here.”

“I always wondered why you called it pop instead of soda and why you say certain things a little goofy,” he said with a smile. “Makes sense now.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing at his remarks. “You’re the one who says things weird!”

We laughed and joked, talked about our lives and what it was like to live in California. It meant different things to us because we had different experiences, but we both agreed that it was paradise here. He asked me about how I got my job, about how I met Andi, and every detail about me. We didn’t even notice the sunset because of how engrossed we were in our conversation, and it wasn’t until the waiter informed us that they would be closing shortly that we decided to leave.

We decided to take a short walk on the beach before calling it a night. I took off my shoes so I could walk through the water. Brian did the same, rolling up his pants a bit to join me. We didn’t walk far before he stopped me, hands circling around my waist. He leaned down, kissing me softly. I could hear the waves crashing in the background, but as Brian deepened the kiss, it was like the whole world behind me disappeared. His tongue roamed my mouth, dancing with my own. His hands moved through my hair as he pulled me closer to him and I moved my hands from his hair to around his neck.

He broke the kiss then, planting one soft kiss on my check before letting me go. He said, “It’s late.”

I nodded, then followed him to where our shoes were. That kiss had left my body tingling and I wanted more. Was this date really about to end?

We walked hand-in-hand to the car and he helped me in again. The ride home was quiet as we enjoyed the music on the radio. When we got to my apartment, he helped me out of the car again, then walked me to my door.

“I had a great time,” I told him, leaning against the door frame.

“Me too, Rosie,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. Before he could break away, though, I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. I roughly entered my tongue into his mouth, taking charge of the moment. I didn’t want him to be the perfect gentleman anymore. I wanted more.

I broke away the kiss, quickly getting out my keys to unlock the door. I grabbed his hand, pulling him inside. I pulled him in again for another kiss and I felt him melt into me, which turned me on so much.

“Are you sure?” he asked in between kisses.

“Yes,” I said quickly, kicking the door shut behind me as we continued to kiss. I broke from him for a moment to lock the door, then immediately attached myself to him again, passionately kissing him. His instincts kicked in and he pushed me against the wall, hands as my hips and slowly sliding up. His tongue continued to lash against my own as his hands brushed against my breasts, causing me to moan. I felt him smile against my mouth, and he moved away, taking his kisses from my mouth to my neck. I shivered at the touch of his tongue on my collarbone. His hands moved from my breast back to my hips before he moved away from my neck to look me in the eye.

I stepped away from the wall, grabbing his hand to lead him to my bedroom. I closed the door behind us, then pulled him towards the bed. All I wanted to do was push him down and straddle him, but my nerves got the best of me. We stood next to the bed for a moment before Brian kissed me again, more gently this time. He slowly entered his tongue into my mouth, swirling it around with mind. Again slowly, he moved his hands all over my body. He stopped for a moment, looking me in the eye.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said in a whisper.

“You too,” I said bashfully, my face red from blushing.

He kissed me again and slowly lowered me onto the bed. He hovered above me, kissing me softly, and trailed his kisses down my neck to the collar of my dress. He rose up to take off his jacket and shirt, and I was breathless at the man above me. His muscular arms were adorned with the most beautiful tattoos, which I traced my fingers along. He leaned back down, kissing me again, but this time with more passion. I felt myself getting wet from the touch and I moaned again.

Brian moved his right hand from beside me on the bed to my inner thigh, teasing me by touching the outside of my lace panties. My hips buckled at his touch, and I heard him chuckle.

“Stop teasing me,” I said, though I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“Mm, but I like making you wet, baby,” he whispered in my ear, licking at the lobe. His fingers moved from the outside of my panties, pushing them aside. He slowly placed two fingers on my clit, gently rubbing against it. I let out a gasp and Brian chuckled again, kissing my neck. I was almost embarrassed about how wet he was making me, but when I felt his hardness against my leg, I knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

Brian moved his fingers from my clit, slowly entering them into me. I closed my eyes, moaning and panting as his moved his fingers in and out of me. He kissed my lips, then moved to my ear again, saying, “What do you want from me, Rosie?”

I moaned, “God, Brian. I want you so bad.”

“Tell me what you want,” he said, moving his fingers again.

“Fuck me, Brian,” I whispered, practically whimpering at his touch.

He pulled his fingers out of me then and moved off the bed to remove his shoes, pants, and underwear. I laid there in a daze, mesmerized by the man before me. He moved back to the bed, gently removed my shoes, and then drifted his hands up my legs to remove my panties. I sat up then to take off my dress, leaving me in just my black lace bra. I quickly unhooked it and tossed it to the floor, laying back down on the bed. Brian smiled at me, his eyes drifting all over my body.

He leaned closer to me, kissing me softly on the lips. He parted my legs and he hovered near my entrance. I could feel my heart beating in the anticipation of the moment. Brian deepened the kiss, and as his tongue entered my mouth, he slipped inside of me. I broke the kiss, moaning loudly as he put himself fully inside of me; he was bigger than any man I had ever been with.

“You ok?” he asked.

I nodded and moved my hands to his hips, tugging at them so he would move. He chuckled, thrusting himself into me. At first he started slow, but as soon as we got into a rhythm, he pushed faster and harder, practically making me scream.

He adjusted himself for a moment and lifted one of my legs, resting it against his shoulder. He began pumping into me again, deeper now, and even harder than before. I couldn’t help but moan at each thrust and the way he hungrily looked at me made me even more wet. He moved his hand to my clit again, rubbing it as he pounded himself into me. I arched my back at the touch, feeling my body pulsate from the sensation.

“Brian!” I shouted as I felt my body explode from pleasure, shaking from the sensation.

He slowed his pace as I came down from my high, slowly putting my leg back down onto the bed. He gave me a moment to catch my breath, softly kissing me neck while he was still inside of me. Slowly again, he started pushing himself into me again. It was like sensory overload; I was practically seeing stars as he continued.

I moved my hands to his ass, grabbing it as he thrusted into me. I moaned his name as I felt him begin to shake, his orgasm taking over his body. I helped hold him up as his came and he practically fell on top of me when he finished.

Panting, he slowly pulled out of me, laying down beside me on the bed. We were both panting and in a daze from our love making. I slowly turned to face him and he put his arm around me, kissing me on top of my head. I cuddled up to his chest, and within moments we drifted off to sleep.


	15. Back Room

I woke up cold and it took me a moment to realize I was lying in bed naked with no blanket, and that the only cover I even had was the muscular arm draped around my waist. The events of the previous evening crept back into my mind and I smiled, shifting my body so I was facing the man next to me. He looked so beautiful as he slept there and the moment felt so surreal.

I shifted my eyes to my alarm clock and jumped a bit when I saw that we needed to be at the studio in thirty minutes. My sudden movement made him stir, so I only had to poke him a little bit to get him away.

“Bri,” I whispered. “It’s already eight thirty.”

“Ugh, fuck me,” he groaned.

“I would but we don’t have time,” I joked, kissing him on the cheek before rolling out of bed.

He chuckled and shifted from his position, standing up and stretching. I blushed as I watched his naked form move, my eyes drifting to his abs and then further down…

“Like what you see?” he asked with a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes at him, know that he was checking me out too. I quickly got dressed, putting on some jeans and a cut-off Metallica tank, with a pretty printed bralette underneath.

Unfortunately Brian only had his clothes from the day before to put on.

“I’m going to stop at home before coming in,” he told me on our way out. “I didn’t plan ahead.”

“You were being a true gentleman last night,” I teased.

“Yeah, I tried. But I couldn’t resist you,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. “See you soon.”

We went our separate ways and I rushed to the studio, hoping that I wouldn’t be the last one there. Brian was surely going to be late and I didn’t really want anyone teasing us. At least we weren’t coming in together and were going to be in yesterday’s clothes.

I jogged into the studio, and to my dismay, I was the last one there besides Brian. Right away people were asking if I was OK since it was so odd that I was there late. I admitted that I overslept, but hoped there wouldn’t be any other questions.

Brian came in a few minutes later, but everyone was so distracted by their work, nothing really was said. Matt gave him a little shit for being late, but that was all. I was relieved.  
Honestly, throughout the day, no one really paid attention to Brian and me. I was kind of surprised we weren’t teased anymore about our relationship, but there was an intensity at the studio to finish working on Wicked End since we were falling behind schedule. Everyone was watching and listening to Matt as he worked on his part; we had finished recording everything else and wanted to make sure it all came together.

Brian and I sat in the back, and since no one was really watching us, he would place his hand on my knee, through my hair, or on my back. At one point his hand drifted to my inner thigh, making me squirm. He would smirk and wink at me and I would have to stifle a giggle. Mudrock and Matt were discussing different takes of the song so far and Matt would try and sing different parts in different ways to see what would fit. Normally, Brian would participate and help, but he was distracted.

While Matt was singing, Brian leaned over to my ear, whispering, “Come into the back room with me.”

I turned to him, surprised. “Brian,” I scolded.

He moved his hand back to my leg, his pinky lingering dangerously close to my core. He gently squeezed my leg and an image of last night popped into my head, my leg resting over his shoulder as he fucked me. I felt myself grow hot just thinking about him. I looked at him, bit my bottom lip, and nodded.

He smirked and stood up, sneaking out of the room. No one even noticed that he left, so I did the same, creeping out as quickly and quietly as I could. Brian was waiting for me in the hall and he grabbed my hand, pulling me into the nearest room. Immediately he pushed me against the closed door, kissing me hard.

I melted into him, pushing my hips against his as he kissed me. He tongue roamed my mouth, fighting against my tongue. He pushed his hands under my shirt and under the bralette, his hands resting on my breasts. Brian moved his hands over my nipples, gently pinching them as he kneaded my breasts. I moaned into his mouth, breaking apart the kiss as I leaned my head back.

“Shhh,” he whispered, kissing my neck. I had to stifle another moan, knowing that we could get caught at any minute.

Brian moved his hands away from my chest and unbuckled my pants, pulling them down with my panties. He swiftly turned me around, allowing his hands to roam my body as he did so. I heard him unzip his own pants, then felt him near my entrance. He kissed my neck again and reached his hand around my hips, his fingers grazing over my clit. I gasped and then bit my lip, practically whimpering as he played with my clit and kissed my neck.

He moved away from my neck and whispered, “Are you ready for me, baby?”

“Yes,” I practically begged.

With no hesitation, Brian placed one hand over my mouth and then spread me open, slamming himself into me. I cried out into his hand, grateful that he did that to diminish the noise. He shushed me again and moved his hand away from my mouth so he could hold onto his hips.

It was so hard not to scream out as he pounded into me, each thrust more powerful than the last. At this angle he got so deep and I was so turned on by the sneaking around. I was practically dripping and in order not to cry out, I began holding my breath. All that did was make the sensation more intense.

Brian moved one of his hands off my hips to my shoulder, pulling me into him even harder. I held my hands against the door, leaning over as much as I could so he could thrust into me with ease. I could feel myself clench around his cock, making him moan softly as I came close to orgasm. I moved one of my arms off of the wall, touching myself. Within moments I was seeing stars, shaking from the sensation of the orgasm exploding through my body. It took extreme self-control to not yell out in pleasure.

Brian slowed his movements as I came, allowing himself to let go as well. I could feel him shaking as he came and his grip on my hip and shoulder tightened. A moment later we stood there, panting, trying to come to after the intense moment we just had.

He slowly pulled out of me and moved to get dressed. I straightened myself out, pulling up my pants and turning to face him. We were both flushed and out of breath, but both grinning like madmen.

I moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. We kissed softly, still trying to catch our breath.

“You are something else, Rosie,” he told me, brushing hair behind my ear. “I think you were shy and timid, not wild like this.”

“You make me want to do wild things, Synyster Gates,” I teased with a wink.

He chuckled, kissing the top of my head. “We should probably go back out there,” he said.

I nodded, letting Brian go first. I went to the bathroom then, wanting to clean myself up first,  
knowing I was a little disheveled from what had just happened. I looked at myself in the mirror and grinned. Having sex at work was so against my character, but hell, so was dating a rock star, or having sex on our first date. But even so, I was so happy. I loved that Brian made me want to do things out of my comfort zone; he made me feel incredibly sexy and confident. No other man had made me feel this way before.

I thought of my ex-boyfriends and how I never in a million years would have had sex that good and that intense with any of them. There was something about Brian that brought this wild side out of me and I loved it. I hated to admit it so soon, but I was really falling for this man. He was smart, funny, and we had so much in common. He as an amazing musician and extremely creative. He supported my music and wanted me to succeed. And God, he was amazing in bed.

I splashed some water on my face, trying to calm myself down from everything that was going through my brain. I dried off, fixed my hair, and then went back into the studio, knowing that I needed to get back to work.


	16. Congratulations!

It was Saturday and I was anxiously waiting for Andi to get back home from her test. Apparently she would know right away if she passed or not; it was on all multiple choice and she would know her score right away. I was sitting on the couch strumming my guitar as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t disturb the neighbors. I was working on a new song, humming the melody to myself and scratching down notes into my journal. It was an easy way to pass the time.

I heard the keys jingling outside our down and I put my things down. I got up, walked to the kitchen, and waited for my friend to tell me the good, or bad, news.

She walked in quickly, slamming her keys and purse on the table. She had a huge grin on her face and I felt a huge wave of relief move through me.

“Guess who’s a licensed social worker!?” she yelled, throwing her hands up into the air.

“Oh my gosh!” I squealed, moving to give her a hug. While she was in my embrace I congratulated her, and she picked me up and swung me around. I couldn’t help but laugh at the exuberance of my friend.

“We need to celebrate,” I said.

Andi nodded, “Yes. I need alcohol ASAP. After a shower, of course. I’m going to text Zack and let him know.”

“Okay. Go shower and get ready. I had some plans in place already for tonight because I KNEW you were going to kick ass on this test!”

Andi laughed, “I don’t know about kicking ass, but I passed, so who the fuck cares! I’ll be ready in an hour.”

She walked off, practically skipping to the bathroom to take a shower. I smiled and leaned against the kitchen table as I dialed Zack’s number.

“Hey,” he said, answering my call right away. “Andrea just texted me.”

“Yes!” I said, too excited to contain myself. “So the party is on?”

“Yep, we’re ready here. You just need to stop and get some booze if that’s OK.”

“No problem. I’ll make sure to get her favorite. See you,” I said, hanging up the phone after he said goodbye.

I went off to my room to get ready myself; I hadn’t wanted to get ready before she got home just in case she hadn’t passed the test. Yesterday after work I approached Zack about this party, knowing that she would really appreciate a celebration after all of her hard work. He was all for it, excited to have it at his place so that he could show her that he was proud of  
her accomplishment.

I curled my hair in tighter curls than usual, letting them bounce as they moved. I worked on my makeup, painting on thick winged eyeliner and berry lips. I decided to wear a dress tonight, just for the hell of it. I didn’t own a lot, but I decided on a simple black and white striped t-shirt dress that was pretty short. It showed off the tattoo on my thigh rather nicely.  
With simple black sandals, I felt pretty damn pretty.

I waited for Andi in the kitchen, knowing that it would be awhile before she was ready to go. I had left my phone on the table from earlier, and when I grabbed it I noticed that there was a text from Brian. My heart fluttered a little, wondering what it could be.

Brian: Can’t wait to see you ;-)

I laughed at the simple message and the smiley face, quickly typing back as soon as I could on my old flip-phone.

Rosie: Me too <3

Brian: I bet you look sexy right now.

Rosie: You’ll see in a bit…

Brian: I’m going to steal you away during the party and make your night one to remember.

I blushed reading the text, biting my lip as I thought of how to respond.

Rosie: It’s my best friend’s party. You’ll have to work hard to get me away.

Brian: I don’t think I’ll have to work that hard, baby.

Rosie: Is that right?

Brian: Oh, yes. I know right where to touch you and kiss you to get you to want me…

Rosie: I’ll just have to resist tonight

Brian: I seriously doubt it…

Before I could reply, Andi cleared her throat to get my attention. I blushed and giggled and she arched her brow, wondering what I was up to.

“Are you sexting?” she asked bluntly, a smile creeping on her face.

“No!” I said, embarrassed. I laughed then said, “Almost.”

She rolled her eyes. “Invite him out tonight if you want the D so bad!”

I laughed, changing the subject so I wouldn’t ruin the surprise. “You look so beautiful! You ready?”

She really did look beautiful. Andi was curvy in all the right places; she had a true hourglass figure with an amazing rack. She extenuated her figure tonight with a black body con dress that had lace cutouts on each side and little black heels. She had curled her hair too and had put on bright red lipstick. I wish I could pull off what she had on, but she had confidence that I could only dream of.

She nodded and we were out the door.

-0-

Andi looked confused when we pulled up to the house, making me grin. Neither of us had been to Zacky’s place before, so there was no way she could know what was happening.  
She looked over to me, a small smile on her face as she cocked her brow.

“This is Fred’s place,” I lied. “I just have to run in really quick to grab something then we can go,” I said with a giggle, hopping out of the car. “Just come with me so I can leave faster. Fred’s a talker.”

She sighed and got out of the car, seemingly annoyed by my fake errand. I led her up the driveway and to the door where I knocked. No one answered, so I went ahead and opened the door.

“Should we just go in?” Andi said nervously.

“It’s fine. He knows I’m coming,” I said, loudly enough for the people inside to hear.

The lights were on in the kitchen beyond the foyer, so I lead Andi there. As soon as we were seen, everyone in the kitchen yelled, “Surprise!”

“Oh my god,” Andi said with a laugh, clutching her hand to her chest. “You guys scared the shit out of me!”

Everyone laughed at her surprise. Zack came forward, taking my best friend into his arms, saying, “I’m so proud of you!”

Andi giggled and when Zack let her go, she looked around the room. There was food everywhere, tons of booze lining the counter with mixers, and a huge banner hung above the patio door that read “Congrats Andi!” Looking closer I realized it was made out of a bed sheet and paint.

“Nice banner,” I said, laughing at the sight of it.

“I made it myself!” Jimmy yelled, and I was not surprised.

“Everything is so nice. You all barely know me, and to do this? Wow!” Andi said, still in shock.

“We love you already, Andi,” Val said, giving her a hug. “And Zack wanted to do this for you.”

Andi blushed and bit her lip, touched by what Zack had done. He put his arms around her again, gently kissing her. Everyone hooted and hollered at them and they laughed, clearly loving the attention. Caught up in the moment, I jumped when I felt a strong arm wrap around my own waist.

Looking behind me, I saw Brian grinning. “Hey beautiful,” he said, kissing my cheek. The affection caused whistles to erupt around the room, and I laughed, not minding the attention myself.

“Alright, alright,” Brian said, shifting to stand next to me and grabbing my hand. “Let’s get this party going.”

Everyone cheered and the drinks started flowing. It didn’t take long until we were all tipsy, and a group of us girls were in the living room, swaying to the music as we talked and drank. Andi was loving it all. She and Michelle were practically grinding on each other, making me crack up. Zack was across the room staring, his mouth hanging open as he practically drooled at the site. A few other girls were there that I hadn’t met before, and we were all having fun dancing like fools.

I needed a moment to catch my breath, so I snuck away from our dance part to refill my drink. As I was filling my cup with ice, I felt Brian’s hand grace my back, slipping lower and lower. I turned and gave him a look, but couldn’t help but smile.

“You look so damn cute in that dress,” he said, leaning closer to me. His hands circled  
around my hips again, fingertips resting on the top of my ass. He smirked and closed the gap between us, kissing me. I could barely taste the whiskey on his tongue, or maybe it was from what I had just drank, but the kiss was more intoxicating than the alcohol we had consumed.

I felt myself falling back slightly against the counter as he kissed me, his hands roaming lower and lower. As he squeeze, a moan escaped my lips, breaking our kiss.

He moved to kiss my neck, each kiss making me shiver. Slowly he kissed up my neck all the way to my ear where he whispered, “Come with me, baby.”

I felt myself get hot, thinking about the double meaning of what he said. I bit my lip and nodded, too flustered to even answer him. Without hesitation, he grabbed my hand and pulled my into the hall without a care if anyone even saw us. I couldn’t help but giggle as we entered the first bedroom that we could find. I was tipsy, the music was blaring, and I was so turned on.

He pulled me into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. Immediately he shoved me against the wall, harshly shoving his lips against mine. His hands roamed up my legs, not hesitating for a moment. He grabbed my hips, rising me up against the wall and I wrapped my legs and arms around him. My dress rode up to be around my hips and Brian’s hand slid down to the fabric of my panties. His fingers brushed against my clit and I broke our kiss, crying out in pleasure.

“You like that, Rose?” Brian asked in a throaty whisper, looking into my eyes.

I closed my eyes from the pleasure, leaning my head against the wall. Thank God Brian was holding me up or else I would have fallen; my legs were twitching at the touch. I moaned as he slipped on of his fingers under the fabric of my underwear, touching them against my entrance.

“Stop teasing me,” I practically begged.

Without reply, he did what I asked, entering his fingers inside of me. I grabbed his hair to help keep me balanced, gripping a little harder than he probably liked, but I couldn’t help myself; I felt like I was about to explode.

Instead of letting me finish, Brian took his fingers out of me. I opened my eyes and began to protest, but in a swift motion, he moved my legs off of him, grabbing my hips so he could slide off my panties. He unzipped his pants, readying himself. He grabbed my hips again, lifting me up against the wall, and moved my dress out of the way. Without a moment’s hesitation, he slid inside of me, making me practically scream at the sensation. I wrapped my legs around his waist again and my hands found his hair again.

Brian pulled at my hips, pulling me down onto him as he pushed into me and I saw stars. I moved my hands so they were on his shoulders to help support me. With each thrust I cried out in pleasure.

I opened my eyes, looking at Brian’s face. His eyes were down and he was focused, biting his lip. He sensed my gazed and looked up into my eyes, fiercely staring back. He moved one of his hands so it was against the wall and leaned his forehead against mine, shifting his gaze back downward. I wrapped my arms around his neck again, closing my eyes.

“Fuck, Brian,” I whispered into his ear, and he matched my pleasure, moaning my name. I practically came at the sound of it.

Brian slowed to a stop and I opened my eyes. He was panting, still inside of me. He looked up into my eyes and said, “God, Rosie.”

I smiled and kissed him. He lifted me off of the wall, slipping out of me. He finished removing  
his pants all of the way, then walked over to the bed, where he laid down. “I need a break, baby.”

I sauntered over to him, leaning over him to give him a kiss. There was no way I was giving him a break. I moved onto the bed and straddled him. He bit his lip at the sight of me on top of him and I removed my dress so I was just there in my bra. Slowly, I let myself lower onto him and he closed his eyes as he let out of soft moan.

I pumped myself up and down onto his cock, slowly at first, then faster and faster as time passed. Brian placed his hands back on my hips, weakly guiding me as I fucked him. Without me noticing he had moved one of his hands to my clit, slowly rubbing it in rhythm with my movements. I could hardly contain my moans as I came close to orgasm, grabbing his stomach as I leaned forward. My whole body shook with pleasure as I came, his fingers moving along with my climax; fast at first, then slower and slower.

“Brian,” I whispered at the end, trying to catch my breath. I gently moved myself off of him and fell onto the bed, panting from the aftermath of my orgasm.

Brian moved from his position on the bed, hovering over me. “I’m not done with you yet, my Rose.”

He leaned down, kissing my chest and moving up to my neck then my lips. He slid himself back inside me as he kissed my lips, slowing pumping since I was still recovering. He rose up, a hand on each side of me and gently moved his hips while I caught my breath. As he saw me begin to relax he picked up his pace, pushing into my harder and harder. I cried out, moving my hands to his neck.

“Brian!” I practically screamed, feeling him start to shake above me. I arched my back as I felt him come inside of me, immediately collapsing back onto the bed afterwards.

“Rosie,” Brian softly said at the finale of his release. He hovered there inside of me for a moment trying to catch his breath before he eventually moved to lay next to me.

We were both out of breath, laying there on the bed with our legs tangled together. He put his arm around me, pulling him close to his chest, which felt sweaty under the t-shirt that I just realized he never took off. After a moment of lying there, I opened my eyes to see him looking at me, his fingers running through my hair.

“I should get cleaned up,” I said, referring to the wetness I still felt.

Brian nodded. “We should go back to the party.”

Neither of us moved, though; we didn’t want to leave each other’s embraces and go back to the party. I felt like I could have stayed there all night, wrapped up in each other’s bodies.  
Brian kissed me and sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on mine.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“I don’t want this moment to end,” he admitted softly. He kissed me, but then moved back, untangling his legs from mine. “But I guess it has to.”

I got out of bed then, moving to find my panties and dress, then slipped them back on as Brian put his clothes back on too. He moved over to me after I put my clothes back on, embracing and kissing me again.

I smiled up at Brian, but he did not smile back at me. “Are you sure you’re ok, Bri?” I asked.

“Yeah, I am. I really like you, Rosie,” he said sheepishly, not looking into my eyes.

“I really like you too, Brian,” I said with a chuckle. I put my hands on his cheeks, pulling him towards my lips so we could kiss again. “Let’s go get drunk.”

He laughed, nodding his head to agree. We left the room them, him heading back to the party and me to the bathroom to freshen up. If this was how the party started then I could only imagine what the rest of the night would bring.


	17. Never Let This Moment End

I was lounging on one of the patio chairs next to Jimmy as we passed a blunt back and forth. We were staring at the stars just like at the last party we were at together, but this time we were talking about random shit, laughing out asses off. I didn’t know if it was my high or if he was just really that funny, but it was probably a combination of both.

“I’m just glad on our next tour we won’t have to cram inside a tiny ass van together for weeks,” he said with a laugh. He was just telling me about the first time the guys went on tour, all crammed together in a van because they couldn’t afford anything else.

“Now you’re living a life of luxury,” I teased.

Jimmy nodded, “It’s going to be rad to actually have a tour bus. Like real fucking rock stars. It’s crazy.”

“I bet you’ll bring back girls every night and party, too,” I said, laughing for no particular reason.

“I will, no doubt. I am a sex NINJA!” with this, he jumped out of his chair, kicking and punching the air to show off his ninja moves. All the while I sat there, laughing so hard I was crying.

“Oh my god, that is SO sexy!” I said, fanning myself.

Jimmy struck a pose in front of me, placing his hands behind his head and jutting out his hips. “I know, right?”

“Shit, I’m going to miss you, Jimbo,” I said sadly, shifting my gaze to the stars.

“What are you talking about, Ring-around-the-Rosie?” he asked, sitting back down in his chair.

“You’re all going to leave and I’ll be here, working,” I answered softly.

“It doesn’t have to be that way, you know.”

I shrugged. I felt sad and didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I took another drag from the joint, closing my eyes and trying to relax as I felt the cloudiness take over. I held it out for Jimmy to take and he did, but unfortunately he didn’t drop the subject.

“We still have a lot do to on the record, you know.”

I nodded, not answering.

“And then promotions for touring before we go,” he said. I didn’t respond again, so he said,

“Rosie, you can’t think our relationships are doomed to fail already.”

“I don’t think that,” I told him.

“Then why are you so stressed? Enjoy life while you’re living it- don’t concern yourself with what-ifs.”

I sighed and looked over to Jimmy, who was looking up at the sky. “I wish I could be like you,” I told him. “So carefree.”

He shrugged, “I just know that might not live to be an old man. And hell, that’s okay because

I know that I’m trying to live my life to the fullest, as corny as it sounds. You should do that  
too.”

I reached out for Jimmy’s hand. We sat like that for a moment in silence, hand in hand, as we gazed at the sky. Eventually, he squeezed my hand and moved to get up, putting out the butt of the joint in the ashtray beside us.

“Gotta piss,” he told me, waving his hand in goodbye. I waved back, relaxing into my chair.

I sat there alone, watching the rest of the people at the party having a good time. It wasn’t I was having a bad time or anything, but the whole picture made me sad. Maybe it was just because I was high, but I was feeling overly emotional about everything. In a few months, my life wouldn’t be like this anymore. I would go back to work on another album and all of my new friends would be gone. My boyfriend…

God, I hated to think about it. I needed to listen to Jimmy’s advice and just relish in the now. I looked over to where Brian was sitting with Johnny, Zack, and Andi playing Kings, which was a drinking game I used to play constantly in college. Instead of just sitting here wallowing, I decided to get up and join them.

I got up slowly, feeling a bit dizzy, then walked over to where they sat at the picnic table Zack had near the patio doors. I sat next to Brian, laying my head on his shoulder.

“Wanna play?” he asked me before kissing me on the top of the head.

I nodded, not moving from my spot. Andi started laughing before saying, “You’re high, aren’t you?”

I nodded again, but started giggling this time. “Blame James.”

“Your turn,” Zack said as he laughed at me.

I sat up and grabbed a car. It was a King, so I got to make up a new rule. “Hm,” I stared, placing a finger on my lip as if I was thinking really hard. “My new rule is that whenever anyone calls Johnny short, he gets to smack Brian on the head.”

“What the fuck?” Brian said, laughing. “I oppose this rule!”

“That’s not how the game works, motherfucker!” Johnny yelled. “Rosie is my new favorite person.”

“Shut up, short shit,” Zack said on purpose with a grin.

Johnny turned and smacked Brian on the back of his head, making all of us laugh. Brian in turn did the same, smacking Johnny in the same spot.

“Hey!” Johnny said. “That’s not the rule!”

“She didn’t say we couldn’t do it,” Brian said with a shrug.

“That’s true,” I said. “Sorry for your luck, Johnny.”

We all laughed and continued playing the game. Each card had its own rule and certain people had to drink at certain times. Really the King was supposed to be a rule about another time to drink, but we had fun with it, making up crazy things as we went along. Each time a card is drawn, it has to be slid under the tab of a beer can, and if the can cracks, the person who put in the last card had to chug it. We got through most of the deck before it finally cracked as Andi placed in her card.

“Oh, fuck!” she said laughing, removing the cards from the can. She cracked it open all the way and immediately started drinking it as we all cheered her on. She drank it like a pro, not taking one moment to stop.

She slammed the can down on the table when she was done and we all cheered. Zack kissed her, commenting on how sexy it was to watch his girl chug a beer. I smiled at it, but of course the negative thoughts crept up in my mind: in a few months they wouldn’t get to do this anymore.

Brian looked to me, seeing how my face dropped at the sight of my friends. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, giving me a gentle smile.

“Want to play again?” Johnny asked, shuffling the cards.

“Nah,” Brian said, getting up and pulling me with him.

As we walked away, Zacky whistled at us, teasing us the whole way from the patio to the kitchen. Brian went to pour himself a drink and I stood there, leaning against the counter watching him. He looked so cute as he brushed his messy hair from his eyes, concentrating so hard on making the perfect concoction.

He laughed as he noticed me staring and walked towards me. He set his drink down on the counter and put his arms around me, leaning down to kiss me. When he pulled away I nuzzled my head into his chest and slinked my arms around him, holding tight.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“Probably the same thing that was wrong with you earlier,” I whispered.

He put his head on top of mine, holding me as close as he could. “Let’s just have fun tonight, baby.”

I shifted to look up at him, locking my green eyes onto his brown ones. I smiled up at him and said, “I am having fun. I’m high, still a bit tipsy, and locked in a really sexy guy’s arms. I just can’t help but think about…”

He chuckled then leaned down to kiss me, interrupting my thoughts. “I know what could help you stop thinking about it,” he said near my ear, moving to kiss my jawline.

I sighed happily, then started giggling as his kisses tickled me. I couldn’t stop laughing and he took a stop back, cocking his eyebrow, trying not to laugh at me. “Are you too high to function right now?” he teased.

“No, no, I’m good,” I said, moving away from the counter. I took his hand and pulled him to the hallway to go to one of the bedrooms.

“Not that one,” Brian said. “That’s Zacky’s. Go to that one over on the right.”

I followed his directions, tugging him along behind me. I pushed him into the bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He was grinning at me, loving that I was taking charge, and I pushed him onto the bed, immediately pouncing to be on top of him. The quick motion made me dizzy, though, and I had to stop.

I was straddling Brian and his hands were on my hips, but I had my hands over my face. I couldn’t move because I was afraid of getting sick, but I felt Brian’s stomach begin to vibrate under me as he laughed.

“Shut up,” I said, moving my hands. “The whole room is spinning.”

“My poor baby,” he crooned, a grin still on his face.

“I need to lay down,” I pouted, shifting my legs to get off of him. I laid myself down next to him, cuddling my head onto his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. I looked up towards him and said. “I really want to have sex with you, but my brain isn’t really working.”

He laughed, “You’re so cute. We can have sex when it starts working again, okay?”

I nodded, closing my eyes. It only took moments before I drifted off to sleep, wrapped in Brian’s embrace.

-0-

I woke up in the middle of the night, confused as to where I was, but knowing I needed to pee. I unwrapped myself from the blanket I didn’t remember putting on and looked around at my surroundings. Brian was lying next to me peacefully, lying only in his underwear. I didn’t remember that either, and see as I was fully clothed, I assumed we hadn’t had sex before going to bed.

I felt a tad dizzy as I got up to walk to the bathroom across the hall. The lights were still on in the hallway and living room, where I saw a few people passed out on the couch. Jimmy was sprawled out on the floor, using a pizza box as a pillow. I laughed to myself as I entered the bathroom, flipping on the light so I could see.

I squinted at myself in the mirror as my eyes adjusted to the light. My hair was a crazy, tangled mess and my makeup had run all over the place. I sighed, went to the bathroom, then cleaned myself up, trying to get the makeup off and the tangles out of my hair. After a few moments, I went back to the bedroom and laid back in the bed.

My movements caused Brian to stir and he turned to face me in the darkness. “You alright?” he grumbled.

“Yeah, just had to go to the bathroom. No puking for me,” I said, running my fingers through his hair.

“You still high?”

“Not anymore. I feel better,” I told him. I slid my arm around his torso and snuggled closer to him.

He leaned in, kissing me tenderly on the lips, slowly sliding his tongue against my bottom lip. I opened my mouth, letting his tongue battle with my own as my hand slid from his torso to his hips. He shifted himself then, moving so that he was on top of me instead of beside me. He spread my legs apart and as our kiss became more intense I could feel him getting excited against the fabric of my panties.

Brian moved away from my lips, planting kisses along my jaw, then down my neck. His hands moved my dress out of the way, slowly slipping it over my head. He continued his kisses down my chest, pausing for a moment to remove my bra. As he fiddled with it I giggled a bit, but stopped when he gave me a gentle smack on the side of my ass. I moaned as he finally removed my bra, latching his lips to my right nipple. His hand held my other breast, kneading it as he licked the other nipple.

“Fuck,” I whispered, feeling wetter and wetter by the second.

He moved from my breast to my stomach, continuing his trail of kisses. He stopped of a moment at the hem of my panties, snagging them with his teeth and pulling them down. I lifted up for him to take them off all the way, and right after throwing them on the floor, he was kissing my inner thigh. Slowly he worked his way to my core, kissing on the outside at first to tease me, then finally placing his tongue on my clit, causing me to gasp from the pleasure. He moved his tongue in circles, making my legs twitch at the sensation, then slowly entered in two of his fingers.

“Brian, oh… my…” I panted.

He quickened his pace, moving his tongue in rhythm with his fingers. His other hand moved to my breast, gently squeezing as he fucked me with his fingers. Feeling him all over me like that sent me over the edge; I felt myself squeeze around him and I bit my lip, trying to prevent myself from screaming and waking everyone up as I came. My whole body shook as my orgasm erupted through me, my back arching to cope with the sensation.

After I moment when my body relaxed, Brian removed his fingers and trailed more kisses up my stomach and back to my breasts. I was out of breath, but I wanted more.

“Fuck me, Brian. Now.”

He looked up and grinned at me, hastily removing his boxers. Without a moment of hesitation, he inserted himself inside of me, quickly thrusting hard. I couldn’t help but cry out in pleasure with each thrust, no longer caring if anyone woke up. He lifted up both of my legs, wrapping them over his shoulders. He was kneeling now, pushing himself into me deeper and deeper as he used my legs for support. He gripped my thighs tightly, thrusting harder and harder every time. I gripped the edge of the bed, shouting out his name.

“Rosie!” he said, gripping onto me as he came to his climax.

Panting, he slow slid my legs off of him and moved to lay beside me. Both out of breath, we laid there, staring at the ceiling and holding hands. After catching my breath I moved to lay on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.

“Damn, Rosie,” he said with a laugh.

I laughed too. “I want to end every day like this.”

“Me too, my Rose. Forever.”

And even though deep down I knew that ending my days like this could only last for so long, I let the though drift from my mind as I snuggled into his chest, drifting off to sleep.


	18. Time Passes

It had been a few months since the party and everything at the studio was going very well. Each day the guys would come in, work their assess off for hours, go home, and repeat the next day. They were tenacious and determined to get the record done and promoted, anxious to get on the road to play it for their fans. They had all of these amazing ideas that I was really excited to see come to reality.

Every day that we worked, Brian and I tried to keep it as professional as possible. There were days that we just wanted to sneak into that back room again and screw each other’s brains out, but the risk was too high. We both admitted that the first time we did that would be the last. Even though it was incredibly hot, I didn’t want to lose my job.

Brian and I had even recorded a song together, the same song we had sung together before we were a couple. It was officially completed and ready to be sold. I was still working on my music whenever I would get the chance, and Brian would help me when I let him. I normally liked to keep the process to myself and he would listen when I was done, giving me ideas on how to polish the song.

Every time we spent time together we ended up either talking about or playing music together. It was what connected us and when we played guitar or sang together, everything just felt so perfect. Like he was my music soul mate, if nothing else. But as time passed, I knew he was more than that.

It was more than just sex, too. Granted that was amazing, but as we spent more and more time together, it became apparent that there was definitely a reason Brian came into my life when he did. Not only did he encourage me with my music, but he made me a feel a confidence in myself that I never had before. I had always had goals for myself, but because of him I felt that they were all achievable and that I could have even bigger goals.

Andi was officially a social worker for a local hospital, but I hardly saw her unless I was hanging out with Zack too. They were inseparable and spent all of their free time together, but I couldn’t blame them. Brian and I were just the type of people who needed our own space every once in a while, but Zack and Andi weren’t. She spent a lot of her nights there as well, so I often had the apartment to myself. This was convenient when I wanted to have Brian over, but it wasn’t as often as I’d like.

I had taken a side job at the studio to help an up and coming band on their first album. In order to make it work, we recorded late at night after Avenged Sevenfold would leave, so many nights I would be there very late. But, I needed the extra cash and I really loved working with this band. Unfortunately it cut into my time with Brian, but we made it work.

It was now late on a Thursday night and I was coming home after working at the studio with Paramore, the new band I was helping out. It was cold out, which I was not prepared for since it was April. Brian had texted me that they had some news he wanted to share with me, so I headed over to his place with an overnight bag, just in case.

He was smoking out on the porch when I got there, clearly waiting for me. He looked excited and had a huge grin on his face.

“Hey, rock star,” I said, walking over to kiss him. I could taste the cigarette on his mouth, so I stepped away, allowing him to finish his smoke before I kissed him again. He knew I hated smoking, but it wasn’t like I could stop him from doing it. I just wouldn’t kiss him right after.

“Got news,” he said, putting out the cigarette. I nodded, waiting for more, so he said, “We have an official release date set for City of Evil.”

I raised my eyebrows, surprised that I hadn’t heard about it already. “Really?”

“Yeah, we were all talking out in the parking lot after our session today. Mudrock said he felt confident we could get it done very soon and promote and get it released by June 6th.”

“Wow, that’s only two months from now,” I said, but then nodded. “I think that will work. We just have finishing touches and final decisions.”

“Yep. I love recording and everything, but I can’t wait to move on to the next step here. I just want to give the fans the music, you know?” he said with a grin.

I smiled too. “I’m glad you’re so excited. I can’t believe how fast this all went.”

He moved and wrap his arms around me and kissed me on the top of the head. “We couldn’t have done it without you, Rosie. You’re so talented and helped us so much. Our last two albums took so much longer than this one.”

“That’s because of you guys, not me. I’m just there to push the buttons,” I said as I laid my head against his chest.

“It’s more than that. Without you we wouldn’t have an album at all,” he said.

We stood there for a moment on the porch, me wrapped in his arms and my head against his chest. We often had moments like these, quiet and still, while we simply enjoyed being close.

He took a step back, leaning against the porch railing and I sat next to him, letting my legs dangle. Behind us a roll of thunder sounded, making me jump. Brian chuckled, turning to me so that he was standing in between my legs. He took a piece of my hair and tucked it behind my ear, his hand lingering on my cheek.

Rain started to fall gently behind us, the soft pitter-patter creating its music. Brian leaned in, placing his lips against my own, softly at first. I put my arms around his neck, pulling him in closer to me to deepen the kiss. His tongue bushed against my bottom lip and I met him with my own tongue, my hands moving to his hair.

Lightning cracked in a bright light and I jumped, pulling away from the kiss. I laughed, moving my hands to Brian’s hips. He grinned at me and kissed me softly again.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, quiet against the loudness of the rain.

I blushed, still always so touched by his sweet compliments. “You are too, you know,” I said bashfully.

“I need another cigarette,” Brian said, moving away from me. He sighed, rolling his eyes and said, “They’re in my fucking car.”

“Here,” I said, hopping off of the porch rail. “Give me the keys.”

“No, it’s okay-” he started, but I reached into his pocket, snagging the keys.

“I don’t mind getting a little wet,” I said with a wink, running out into the rain to get his cigarettes.

I reached his car quickly, unlocking it before I got there, but before I could open the door, I felt Brian’s hand grip my arm. I turned to him to see him smiling, running his hand through his now soaking wet hair.

“My lighter is in there too,” he said softly, making no effort to let me go and let me in the car.

He moved closer to me, closing the gap between us and smashed his lips against mine. The force caused me to fall against his car and his hands moved to my hair, his tongue ravishing my mouth. The heat of the kiss against the coolness of the rain made me moan, causing Brian to grin into the kiss.

He pulled back, resting his forehead against my own. We stood there breathless, holding each other in the rain. Still panting slightly, Brian moved his head back, cupping my face in his hands.

“I love you, Rosie,” he whispered, barely audible against the rain.

I smiled and leaned in, kissing him softly before saying, “I love you too, Brian.”

-0-

We ended up back in his bedroom moments later, stripping off our wet clothes and warming ourselves with each other’s bodies. We fell into the bed and within moments he was inside of me, pumping into me while he kissed me all over. His hands roamed my damp skin, landing on my breasts, kneading them. His lips greedily met my nipple, licking around it.

My back arched as all of the sensations took over me and I began to shake as the orgasm ripped through my body. Never before had I ever been able to come this way, but with Brian I felt like I was on fire. I grabbed his hair, shaking as I came down from my high and screaming out his name. Moments later his climax followed and he gripped onto my hands.

He stayed there for a moment inside of me, panting heavily from our previous state of euphoria. He kissed me, slowly slipping out of me, then laid next to me on the bed. I turned, laying my head against his chest and he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close. The intensity of the moment tired us both out; and though it was fast, it was a moment of passion that I would never forget.


	19. Country Music

I woke up earlier than Brian, slowly untangling my legs from his. I quietly slipped on some clothes, simply putting on my panties and one of his t-shirts before throwing my hair into a messy bun and leaving to go downstairs. I was happy that Brian had his own place, where it was no big deal to walk around in only my underwear and a shirt.

I saw one of Brian’s acoustic guitars lying next to the couch and I couldn’t resist. I picked it up and sat on the couch, strumming out a few notes to make sure it was in tune. I figured that Brian wouldn’t mind me playing; it wasn’t his prized pinstriped Schecter, after all.

I began playing a song I had been working on for a few days, and it was a little different from anything I wrote before. It has a sexy vibe to it, but sounded a little country as well, but I liked the tone and the lyrics. I hummed along as I played, trying to warm up my voice a bit. Softly, I began to sing the second verse of the song.

I forgot about this room  
And the view above  
The things I fear it towers.  
And this new feeling you again  
Makes me open up just like a flower.  
Longer…  
Could you stay a little longer?  
Longer…

I felt the couch shift next to me as Brian sat down, moving to face me and watch me play. I couldn’t help but giggle and stop as he sat there with a grin on his face.

“I hope you don’t mind me playing your guitar,” I said.

He shook his head. “You could play it all day as long as I get to hear you sing.”

I blushed, looking down at the guitar. “It’s even better when you sing along.”

He smiled and moved closer to me. “I don’t know if I could help contribute to your country song.”

I laughed. “This is hardly country, Bri. Maybe has a little influence but I ain’t got the twang,” I said with a fake accent.

Brian chuckled and said, “Ok, ok. I’ll sing with you. Show me the rest.”

Before I started playing, I got up, telling Brian to hang on for a minute. I went to my things and grabbed by journal, which I always carried with me. Inside were the lyrics to this song. I started playing again, showing Brian the song from start to finish as he read along. I sang what he would sing and he followed, and slowly I added my parts. Once we had practiced, we started from the beginning, Brian singing in his falsetto.

Alone, I’m home. I’m home in my head.  
But now that it’s gone, I’ve grown,  
So I’ll want this instead.

Together we sang the chorus, me harmonizing lower than him. I continued with the same verse that I had sang earlier and after we repeated the chorus, we moved to the bridge.

Cause I want to give you more boy.  
Nothing in return.  
Oh I did wait for you, darling…  
Did ache for you, darling  
And now you’re here.  
I want you to stay.  
Longer, Could you stay a little longer?

We repeated the chorus, softly fading out together as the song ended. I looked up into his eyes, seeing the love and desire there, and I felt warmth. Whenever we made music together I felt this way- loved, warm, and just plain happy.

“Never thought I’d sing a country song,” Brian joked after we finished.

“Country music has some of the best stories, love songs, and breakup songs. You know it,” I said with a grin.

“And which category did the fall under?”

“A love song. How you know your love for someone might not be the most practical, but you ache for it anyways,” I told him, putting down the guitar.

“I like it,” he told me. “I feel like it could be in a movie.”

I laughed, moving to drape my legs over his. “Maybe someday.”

“We should get going to the studio, baby,” he said softly, literally lifting me off the couch. I laughed as he carried me upstairs to his bedroom, laying me back on the bed.

“But they can wait a little longer,” I whispered. He grinned and moved to kiss me, his hands touching me in the exact right place…

-0-

We were a few minutes late to work, which gained us a lot of shit from the members of A7X, and annoyed glares from Fred and Mudrock. I made sure to seem as professional as possible the rest of the day as we worked, not wanting to be on my boss’ bad sides.

At this point we had essentially finished the album, but were spending time listening to it and deciding which tracks to keep and cut and if there were any changes needed. The guys had all pretty much agreed on what tracks to keep at this point, so we were all sitting in the main studio, listening through each track and dissecting it, deciding if it needed any final editing or if the guys needed to record something over.

It didn’t take long to get through the first track; the guys were really happy with everything that was produced. As soon as we decided it was ready to go, the boys got off track, talking about how awesome it was going to sound when they were on tour. Eventually the conversation turned into one about the show itself and how they wanted it to look.

“I hope we have enough money to pull all of this off,” Zack said with a laugh, referring to the Rev’s idea about having a giant skeleton behind his drums.

“Hopefully once you guys announce your release date and start promoting the album, you’ll get enough hype to earn you a lot of money,” Fred said. “Get talking to Larry about that as soon as possible.”

Larry was the manager of the band, and the guys nodded, knowing that they needed him to help get them set up with interviews and ways to promote the new album. We sat and talked about this ideas before Mudrock encouraged us to continue worked, and we moved on to the next song.

I stayed pretty silent as they all talked about what was to come, bad thoughts creeping up into my mind again. Thoughts of them leaving on tour made me anxious and nervous; I did not know what it would do to Brian and I. I tried to force myself not to think about it, but I couldn’t help it; I had a career and a dream to worry about.

The rest of the day went smoothly and we finished two of the songs, approving them for the album. We knew that we wanted to take our time with this part of the process and that even while working on this the guys could start promoting. They were all so excited about it that they called it a day earlier than usual, and Matt even had Larry on the phone before he walked out the door.

I didn’t have to stay to work with Paramore tonight, so I walked out with Brian, hand in hand. We had all decided to go to Johnny’s Bar for a few drinks and the guys wanted to keep talking about tour ideas. Brian and I listened to old country music on the way there, joking still about this morning. I defended the importance of country music and how great the lyrics could be, but he would just bring up Taylor Swift as a defense. We laughed, but I put on some Johnny Cash and the argument ended; Brian knew I was right.

We snagged a table at the bar when we got there, bringing over enough chairs for everyone. Brian went to the bar to get us some drinks, and the rest of the guys came in shortly after, their girls in tow. Andi sat next to me while Zack got them drinks, and Val was across from us. Jimmy and Johnny did not bring any girls with them, but they were already hitting on the first two they say when they walked through the door.

Eventually we were all at the table, drinking and talking about the tour. Andi and I mostly listened since we had never been on a tour before and didn’t really know how things worked. I was fascinated by Val through all of this, how she was right in on the action with everything. She had been on tour with them before, had even sung with them. I just wish I was brave enough…

“Damn, I can’t wait!” Johnny said, slamming his beer onto the table.

“You just can’t wait to get laid as much as possible,” Zacky smirked, slinking his arm around Andi. “Some of us don’t have to wait until tour for that.”

Johnny gave Zacky the bird and we all laughed, hooting and hollering as Zacky and Andi kissed. Jimmy and Johnny continued talking about their exploits while on tour, mentioning all of the hot, and not so hot, girls they messed around with while on the road. Matt rolled his eyes more times then I could count, but he still laughed along. Brian seemed uncomfortable beside me, shifting in his seat every time the guys would bring up a new story. I was confused as to why until Johnny mentioned Cherri.

“God she was so fucking gorgeous,” Johnny said, taking a swig of his beer. “But definitely the biggest slut I ever met.”

“Hey!” Val said, smacking Johnny on the back of the head.

“Ok, ok! I don’t use that word lightly, ladies. She literally slept with the entire band. Except Matt, of course.” Johnny said defending himself.

I felt Brian take a deep breath and saw his eyes glance in my direction, seeing if I would get upset from this news. I bit my tongue, knowing that this was just a normal part of being a rock star, and that it was in the past. We had both slept with other people before being together, so I couldn’t get upset about that.

“Zacky hooked up with her first, and passed out right away because of how hammered he was. She came back out to the party, fucked me, then Johnny, then Brian. She was fucking WILD. None of us even knew what the fuck was happening because we were so drunk. Brian was even dating that Josie girl, right? But, fuck, Cherri was the best,” Johnny said, slurring his words slightly before he downed more of his beer.

I couldn’t help but look over at Brian this time. He was dating someone else and cheated on her? I felt my stomach curl in disgust and disappointment. I never thought I would feel this way about my man.

“Hey now,” Brian said to begin defending himself. “I dated Josie for like a week before that happened and I ended it immediately after. And like Johnny said, I was drunk out of my mind.”  
I tried to wrap my brain around his words, tried to agree with his justification. But I still couldn’t help but think: cheater, cheater, cheater.

“Yeah, we all know, Gates. It was in the past. This tour will be more about the music and less about the fucking,” Matt said. He looked at me when he said it, as if he knew I was upset. I stayed quiet, not wanting to say anything stupid that I would regret.

“But we’re still partying!” Johnny said, giggling in his drunkenness.

Brian’s hand moved to my leg and he gave it a gentle squeeze. I looked at him and he said, “Rosie, really. It was a long time ago. I was caught up in the touring and feeling like a rock star, you know?”

I nodded, but didn’t say anything else. I was pissed, upset, and didn’t know what to do. Andi looked over to me, sensing my annoyance. She grabbed my hand, pulling me off of my chair and towards the bathroom, telling everyone we’d be right back. It wasn’t the most slick move, but I was happy to be away from everyone for a moment.

As soon as I walked into the bathroom, tears fell down my cheeks. I tried to cover my face, annoyed with myself for crying, but Andi put her arms around me, rubbing my back.

“Are you ok?” she asked eventually once I had calmed down a bit.

“This whole time I have been afraid of what’s to come for us. I knew that being on the road had to be full of wild parties and shit, but this? Not comforting,” I said, moving away from her.

“Well, it won’t be an issue if you go with them,” she said, folding her arms over her chest.

“Who knows if that’s even true,” I said softly, more to myself than to her. “I don’t even know if I’d go. It’s not like he’s asked or anything.”

“You know he will.”

“I don’t, Andi. I feel like I don’t even know him right now…” I told her, looking away from her.

“You’re just processing this information. Like Matt said, it was in the past, Rosie. You’ve been dating a lot longer than he and that other girl had been.”

“But who’s to say he won’t get drunk and do it all again?” I said, laughing from the frustration. “Shit, her name was even just like mine.”

Andi chuckled at that a little, then came next to me, putting her arm around my shoulder. “You are not the same girl. You and Brian are in love, we all know it. It’s different, Rosie. Give it a chance and live your life to the fullest, not in fear.”

Her words reminded me of the same ones Jimmy preached to me. I nodded, turned to the mirror, and freshened up. Taking a deep breath, I walked out the door back to the bar, trying to put all of the negative thoughts behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song from this chapter is "Longer" from the show Nashville


	20. Mixed Feelings

The rest of the night was awkward. I avoided Brian, not wanting to talk about what had just happened, so I hung out with Matt and Val for the most part. They were the only ones there not getting on my nerves; Jimmy and Johnny were drunk and still rambling on about touring, Zack and Andi were all over each other, and Brian, well... He ended up joining Johnny and Jimmy’s conversation after I repeatedly giving me the cold shoulder and was obviously pissed off about it. He sat there quietly, drinking as they talked, not really participating in any of the conversation.

Matt, Val and I talked about anything but the tour, and it was obvious that they were trying to make me feel better by taking my mind off of it. Really I thought it was sweet, but my emotions were getting the best of me. I needed to get out of there. I tapped on Andi’s arm, trying to pull her attention away from Zack for a split second, and asked if she could give me a ride home.

“I came with Zack,” she said softly, biting her lip.

“It’s okay,” I said, standing to leave. “I’ll walk.”

“You’re not going with Brian?” Andi asked, quietly enough so no one would hear.

I shook my head no, then pushed in my chair and put on my jacket. I told everyone goodbye, that I was beat, and tried to walk about as quickly as I could without anyone stopping me.  
Unfortunately, as soon as I stepped outside, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re leaving?”

I turned to see Brian there, a sad look on his face. I felt my stomach knot up with nerves and I just stood there, not knowing what to say. I nodded my head to answer him, afraid that if I spoke my voice would crack and the tears would come.

“Can I walk you home at least?” he asked as I began to walk away.

“No, I want to be alone,” I told him bluntly.

“Rosie,” he said, grabbing my hand to stop me from walking away from him. “Are you mad at me or something?”

I laughed at that in anger, looking down at the ground and pulling my hand away from his.  
“Are you serious?”

“I told you, baby, it was in the past. I’m not like that anymore. I was drunk and stupid. I wasn’t  
in love with Josie. I’m in love with you, it’s that simple,” he said softly, trying to calm me down.

“It’s not that simple, Brian. It’s just not. The fact that you cheated on your girlfriend, no matter how long you dated her, disgusts me. And all of my worries about you going off on tour have been confirmed.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and I could tell he was trying to calm himself and prevent himself from saying something really shitty back to my harsh words. Eventually, after taking a deep breath, he said, “Fine, I cheated. You’re right. I can’t deny that. But the fact that you say you love me and don’t trust me at the same time doesn’t make any fucking sense. And you’ve been worried about me going off on tour? What the fuck, Rosie? Why haven’t you said anything to me about this?”

“I didn’t think it would matter what I thought,” I told him. “It’s your career, it’s not like you can’t go.”

“Your opinion matters to me, Rosie. Because I love you. And because I love you I wouldn’t do anything like that to you. It was one of the shittiest things I have ever done and I’ll never do it again.”

I took a deep breath, but didn’t answer. I looked away from him, the tears coming to my eyes. I didn’t want him to see me get upset this way.

“Rosie,” he started softly. “You’ll have nothing to worry about while I’m on tour because you can come with me. I want you to come. Shit, every second I’m not with you I feel like something is missing in my life. I couldn’t imagine going away from months without you there.”

Now the tears were falling down my cheeks. I moved away from him completely, trying to discretely wipe my face. I turned back to him, and though I wouldn’t look him in the eye, I let him grab my hands. Sighing, I told him, “I’m not sure if that can happen.”

He dropped my hands immediately, shocked by my words. “Because of what happened with Josie?”

I shook my head, “No, there’s more to it than that. I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”

“Well, too bad,” he said, a bitterness in his voice. “You can’t just say something like that then walk away.”

“Look, my life in here in California. I have a job that I love and goals for myself that I have to be here for, Brian. I can’t just drop my life for you,” I said, anger in my voice. This was not how I wanted this conversation to happen.

“Jesus, Rosie. I’m not asking you to throw your fucking life away. I just want you to come on tour with us. That doesn’t mean you can’t produce when you come back and you can write on the road,” he said.

I shook my head and whispered, “I just don’t know if I can do that.”

Brian didn’t say anything for a moment, then moved closer to me. He grabbed my hands again and squeezed them. “Rosie,” he started, trying to look me in the eyes. “All I know is that I love you and I want to be with you always. We can figure out everything else, I know we can.”

I nodded, but still wouldn’t look at him as tears misted over my eyes again. He pulled me close to him, embracing me and kissing the top of my head. I let him hold me, but my arms stayed weakly at my sides. I was practically holding my breath, trying to prevent the tears from falling from my eyes.

He let me go and I stepped back, still not looking at him. “I’m going,” I said to him, moving to walk away. “I want to walk alone.”

He nodded, understanding that I needed my space. “Text me when you get there so I don’t worry, please.”

“Fine,” I said. I waved and walked off, letting the tears fall from my face now that he couldn’t see me.

The walk home gave me the chance to clear my head and stop crying. I knew I had every right to be upset, but I was mad at myself for it anyways. That was exactly how I did not want to have that conversation and it went exactly as I thought it would.

I knew Brian wouldn’t understand where I was coming from. Ever since my dad passed away, my mother always raised me to be independent and strive for my own goals outside of any relationship I ever had. She always told me that her motivation for success helped us in the long run; if she had totally depended on my dad, it would have been even harder for us when he died.

My mom worked for a lawyer when she was young as a paralegal, but after I was born she stayed home. She went back to work when my dad got sick, grateful that she had the schooling and skills to get a job back at another law firm. She always encouraged me to have a plan and goals for myself because you never knew what life would bring.

Because of this I had always been an extremely independent woman, which I was very proud of. Part of me just couldn’t let this go and leave behind me career for a man, no matter who he was. I loved Brian so deeply, but I just didn’t know if I could do this. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I thought it was selfish of him, too.

I got home and sent him a quick text, telling him that I made it home. I locked the door and threw my stuff on the table, walking like a zombie to my bedroom. I kicked off my shoes and took off my coat, then I was in bed moments later, staring up at the ceiling. As I laid there I imagined myself off of tour with the guys and what it would be like. Constantly cramped in a bus, having to share a small space with five crazy guys. Then all of the crazy parties- that would probably get old. I would never be able to be alone and have a moment to myself.  
None of it seemed appealing, honestly.

I wondered too if Andi would be on the tour with them. I assumed that Val would be there, but it was different for her; she had been there since the beginning and basically worked for the band. I could see Andi wanting to go, especially since she and Zacky were inseparable now. I couldn’t help but think about how she would be leaving her brand new job, but maybe that wouldn’t bother her.

I sighed and put my arm over my eyes, trying to clear my mind. I truly wanted to be with Brian but everything just made me so nervous and unsure. I had always been afraid to take risks and let myself go. Recently I had been trying to live in the moment like Andi and Jimmy told me to do, but it was just too difficult. I needed plans and certainty in my life and this was everything but that.

I felt my phone buzz beside me and I moved my arm, reaching over to grab it. There was a text from Brian and I bit my lip, opening up my phone to look at it.

Brian: Glad you made it home. I love you, remember that.

Rosie: Love you too.

I put my phone back down and sighed. Really, that should be enough. I know he loves me and I love him. Why couldn’t that be enough? I wish it was easier to just let go and have some fucking fun, but the thought of leaving my life behind for the crazy world of touring made me extremely anxious.

I sighed and turned over, closing my eyes. I knew the only way I could stop thinking about all of this was to sleep, so I did just that, letting my mind drift off to more pleasant dreams.

-0-

I went to work early the next day, trying to make up for coming in late the day before. I restocked the kitchen, made coffee, and laid out the pastries I had bought at a local bakery. I cleaned the kitchen and the studio, dusting everything since it hadn’t been done in ages. I even cleaned the bathrooms, grimacing as I scrubbed the toilet. The place was sparkling by the time the guys arrived.

“Thanks, Rosie,” Mudrock said, patting me on the back. “We’re lucky you have you here.”  
I smiled, nodding my head at my boss. I loved being here and I was proud to work here. I didn’t really want to leave…

We all gathered around in the main studio area again, going through the next song. I sat away from Brian, wanting to avoid any contact with him for the moment so that I could keep my personal life separate from business. I sat with Matt, knowing that he would protect me from any comments made about last night. That was the great thing about Matt; he was empathetic and extremely loyal to his friends. I knew that he would turn the conversation back to work if necessary.

Luckily we talked shop and nothing else. Even Johnny and Jimmy, who had been all about talking about the tour yesterday were focused on work. Or at least they seemed to be. Either that or they were both hungover.

We made it through one more song today, calling it quits shortly after. There had been a long discussion over the bridge of this song, and Matt actually got back into the booth, trying different harmonies before we finally settled on one. All in all everyone was happy at the end of the day and that was the only thing that mattered.

I tried to sneak out of work along with everyone else, attempting to avoid Brian longer, but of course it didn’t work. He stopped me at my car, asking me if everything was ok.

“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to avoid the conversation yet again.

“Rosie,” he said sternly, as if he was scolding me. I scowled at him, not appreciating the tone, even though I couldn’t really blame him.

“I just don’t want to fight again, Brian,” I said, leaning against my car.

He nodded then said, “We don’t have to talk about that right now, but you know we’ll have to eventually.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He sighed and put his arms around me, moving close so he could kiss me on the forehead.  
He pulled away and asked, “Do you have to work late tonight?”

I nodded, “I was just going to grab some dinner and come back.”

“Can I join?”

I nodded and he grabbed my hand, pulling me to his car. We got in his car and headed off to grab a quick bite, knowing that I had to be back to the studio in an hour and a half. He went through a drive-thru, then drove off towards the beach. He parked nearby and we walked over to a picnic area, eating our food while looking at the water.

It was quiet between us, and though it was a little awkward I was happy for the silence. I didn’t know what to do or say; should I bring up our fight or just pretend like it never happened?

When we finished our food, Brian put his arm around me, pulling me close. I laid my head against his shoulder, watching the waves crash against the sand. I sighed, relaxing my body as I leaned into him, and he kissed me on the top of the head.

“I couldn’t imagine my life without you,” he whispered into my hair.

I didn’t say anything, but instead shifted my body so that I could face him. He cupped my face into his hands, pulling me close to kiss me. I let myself relax as I closed my eyes, falling into the kiss. I moaned as his tongue entered my mouth, fighting against my own. I couldn’t help but let my body take control, putting my thoughts aside as he touched me, his hands roaming down my back.

He broke from me a moment later, getting up from the bench and pulling me along with him. He took me to his car, opening the door for me before getting in and starting it. I followed his lead, letting him take me wherever he wanted to go.

His apartment was close by so he drove us there, speeding the whole way. He parked, ran to open my door, and then practically dragged me inside of the apartment. As soon as he shut the door he was attacking my lips, pinning me against the door to his apartment. I pushed him off of me then took his hand, bringing him to the living room. I pushed him onto the couch and got on top of him, straddling his lap.

Immediately I felt him getting excited beneath as I kissed him, taking charge of the moment. I felt all of my anger towards him flush out of me and I tugged his hair and kissed his neck. I practically ripped his shirt off as I pulled it over his head and he grinned, loving this side of me.

I stood for a moment, removing my pants and underwear. He unzipped his own pants, unveiling his cock from under his jeans. Wasting no time, I got back on the couch, hovering over his cock. Slowly I let myself fall onto him, moaning as his length went deep inside of me.

“Fuck, Rosie,” he moaned, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against the back of the couch.

I put my arms on either side of his head to support myself as I pumped up and down, rocking my hips. Brian’s hands made their way up my thighs and onto my hips, guiding me up and down on his cock. I grabbed his hair, fiercely kissing him. All of my anger towards him was put into that kiss and Brian moaned into my mouth, feeling the passion.

I broke away from him harshly, pumping myself harder and harder. I closed my eyes, letting myself be overcome with the passion between us, ignoring all of the other ill feelings. Within moments I felt myself clenching around him as I came, my hands gripping the edge of the couch.

Brian did not hesitate to take over after my orgasm, pulling me off of him turning me around on the couch so I was on my knees. He pulled at my hips, slipping inside of me at the same time so that I cried out in ecstasy. His hands gripped my hips as he fucked me hard, grunting as he thrusted into me. His right hand smacked my ass and I screamed out in pain and pleasure, practically seeing stars.

As I called out his name Brian came, squeezing my hips to hold himself up. He moved out of me when he finished, plopping down onto the couch next to me, panting. I stood up from the couch and walked away, going into the bathroom without even speaking to him.

I closed the door and leaned against it, panting from being out of breath from the sex and from the panic I was now feeling. I covered my face with my hands and tried to breath, tried to calm myself. All of the anger and frustration we had just felt right now had turned into something truly amazing. Every moment with him was pure bliss. Was I really going to throw that away?

I heard a knock on the door, making me jump. From behind the door, he asked, “You ok, baby?”

“Yeah, just cleaning up,” I said, moving away from the door. I turned on the faucet and splashed my face with water before going to the bathroom. I took a deep breath before walking out the door.

Brian was there waiting for me and immediately he took me into his arms. We both stood there, half naked, holding each other in the hallway of his apartment. No matter what was to come, this is where I always wanted to be.


	21. Tough Phone Call

I had to leave soon after to go to work, having to record with Paramore that night. We had held each other in the hall for what felt like hours, but I had to break our embrace to get dressed for work. We made our goodbyes, kissing passionately at the doorway before I finally had to break away and leave.

I was filled with so many emotions, work was the last place I wanted to be. But it was probably good that I had a chance to step away from Brian; I didn’t know how those emotions would stir up any conversation we would have. I couldn’t resist my lust and passion for him, but I was still feeling upset about the events on the previous night. It was going to be a good thing for me to step away from him for the night.

I drove back to the studio, music softly in the background. I was determined to completely take my mind off of everything happening with Brian tonight so I could just focus on work. When I pulled in I realized I was the last one there, so I quickly parked and got out of the car, jogging to the entrance.

The members of Paramore were waiting inside in the kitchen area, since the studio door was locked. I apologized for being a little late and unlocked the door, letting them all inside. They were all really friendly with me about it, seeing as they were actually early and I was on time, but I still felt guilty.

“You alright, Rosie?” Hayley, the singer, asked me. She tucked a strand of her bright orange hair behind her ear as she asked and I smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s do this,” I said, opening the door of the booth for her to sing in.

While I was working with them I felt at peace, letting my mind focus on the music rather than all of my personal problems I was trying to avoid. I didn’t have to think about Avenged Sevenfold in any capacity while I was here, and my mind was focused solely on completing my job. I loved working with this young band, who had so many cool ideas about their future, and it was awesome to be a part of the start of their career. I especially loved working with Hayley; seeing a female front man for a rock band was pretty amazing.

It was so great being the lead producer. This is where I could see myself in the future, maybe even owning my own studio. I had all of these ideas for myself, including producing and writing music, that I just didn’t know if I could accomplished if I took a break and left California behind. Being behind the booth with Paramore that night made me feel convicted in this, leaving me with sadness.

When they left for the night I sat in the studio, looking at the soundboard as I became lost in thought. I pictured myself in this studio with established bands, taking leadership of the entire process. I thought about owning my own studio space with my own clients, building an empire of my own. I thought about recording my own songs and hearing them on the radio. And then I thought of Brian.

How would he fit into all of this? Was it truly impossible to be with him and accomplish all of my goals at the same time? Could we really make it work? I wanted to think that we could, but my mind could not wrap around how it would be possible.

-0-

The next morning was the same as any other; I got to the studio early to set up for the day and the guys came in a little while after, ready to dive back into the record. The only difference, though, is that they had some news to share with us today.

“We talked with Larry last night,” Matt started, standing in the middle of the room so we could all hear. “And he wants a few of us to travel to San Francisco to do some promoting for the record. One of their radio stations is willing to do an interview. He said at least Syn and I should go.”

“How long will you guys be gone?” Mudrock asked, obviously wondering how much this would change the schedule of finishing the record.

“Just Friday and the weekend. That way we won’t get too far behind. We’ll come back to work Monday for sure,” Brian told us.

Everyone nodded along, but I looked at Brian, wondering why he hadn’t bothered to call or text me about this. They had it all planned and everything, so why couldn’t he just give me a heads up about it? It was odd and unlike him.

“Sounds good. Well, we just need to work extra hard today so we don’t fall behind schedule,” Fred told everyone, turning to face the computer. “Let’s get started.”

The rest of the day went smoothly and we all got a ton of work completed, inching one step closer to completing the record. Knowing that Matt and Brian were not going to be here tomorrow kicked us into overdrive, pushing us through two more songs before the end of the day. Doing this kept us on schedule and let Mudrock stop stressing out over getting the record done on time.

“Since we’re off tomorrow, let’s go get drunk,” Johnny said as we walked out of the studio.  
The guys all agreed, and while I was thinking over what I wanted to do, I felt an arm slink around my shoulder. Brian kissed the top of my head as we talked to my car, listening to what the boys had planned for the evening.

“Syn and I have to get up really early to make the drive,” Matt said. “Let’s just do it at my house so I have a good bed to sleep in. Gates, go pack now so you can crash at my place.”  
Brian nodded, telling Matt he’d meet him at the house later, then continued walking me to my car. Before I unlocked it, he shifted so he could kiss me gently on the lips, his hand moving through my hair. He pulled away, leaving a hand on my face, running his thumb against my bottom lip.

“I’ll miss you while I’m away,” he said softly before kissing me again.

“It’s only a weekend,” I said, though the knots in my stomach made it feel like it would be months.

“I was afraid you’d be upset,” he told me, taking a step back.

“I’m fine,” I said somewhat defensively, not wanting him to think I couldn’t handle myself without him for a few days.

“I just mean because of the fight we had. It’s going to be hard for me to be away from you, no matter how long it is, baby,” he said. “I know you’re really independent and can probably handle it, but I hope you’ll at least miss me.”

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him in close. “Of course I’ll miss you, Brian. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said before kissing me again. “You want to come to Matt’s with us?”

“I have to work,” I told him. “But maybe we can have a dinner date like we did yesterday?”

He grinned, “Sounds good to me.”

-0-

I got home late from the studio that night, and though I thought about stopping at Matt’s to join the party for a bit, I was beat and I figured everyone was already hammered by now. All I wanted to do was go to bed. As soon as I had come home I went straight to my bed, crashing.

I woke up later than usual the next morning, so grateful to be able to sleep in with no alarm. The apartment was quiet; Andi had been with Zack so I was alone. I sat up in my bed and looked out the window, gazing at the cloudy gray sky. This is how I would be waking up over the weekend, all alone. I knew this was something I should probably get used to, but the thought of that alone made me sad.

Instead of moping around the house today, I decided to go into the studio to record. I would be able to have the space to myself all day; no one was scheduled to come in all weekend. I needed to take my mind off of the fact that Brian was away and that if I decided not to go on tour with him, it would always feel like this. I could handle him being gone for a weekend, sure, but months at a time? This weekend was just a taste of what that would be like.

I got to the studio and unlocked the door, walking through the kitchen to the main studio. I unlocked this door as well, stepping through into the main area. Being here felt more like home than my own apartment did. Hell, I was here more often anyways. I sighed and walked to the back rooms where I could grab my favorite guitar.

I started strumming an old tune that I had written when I was young, letting myself get lost in the music. It felt so wonderful to be here working on something that I truly loved with no distractions. I let my mind focus solely on my work and nothing else as I played and sang, all of my worries disappearing.

I spent hours there, playing until my fingers ached and my voice was hoarse. I recorded some, practice some, and jammed a little bit too. But when it got to the point where I was too exhausted to continue, I decided to leave.

I called Andi on my way out, hoping that I could do something with her. She was with Zack, but invited me to join them for a movie night. I figured I might as well; I didn’t want to be alone and lost in my thoughts.

I pulled into Zack’s place and walked up to the door, oddly nervous. I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself for being the third wheel for their date, but it was still better than being alone. Zack answered when I knocked and let me in, guiding me to the living room. I sat next to Andi on the couch and she cuddled up to me, joking that Zack could sit somewhere else. It was nice to have my friend by my side; it had felt like I hadn’t for awhile.

“So I have some news,” she told me when Zack went into the kitchen to get us some food and drinks. I shifted on the couch to face her, instantly nervous, but let her finish by saying, “Zack asked me to go on tour with them. I said yes!”

I sighed and laughed, telling her, “Jesus, I thought you were going to say you’re pregnant.”

She laughed along, practically screeching. “Fuck no. Oh my God.”

“Well, shit! That’s awesome, Andi. Are you excited?” I asked her, trying to hide my mixed feelings. I was truly happy for her, but at the same time I was upset. If she went on tour and I did not, I would truly be alone here.

“I am, but really nervous too. I haven’t told the hospital yet. I feel bad for leaving them so soon since I like working there, but I can’t pass this up. It’s going to be wild and amazing, don’t you think?”

I nodded and bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening my eyes. Andi noticed right away and her smile faded, making me feel guilty.

“Has Brian still not asked you?”

“He told me I could come. He said he wanted me to. I’m just not sure if it’s what I want,” I admitted softly, not wanting Zack to hear in the other room.

Andi nodded. “I understand,” she started. “I’m nervous about it. Part of me knows it’s a crazy, stupid thing to do. But I couldn’t imagine living months at a time without Zack.”

“Yeah,” I said, looking away from my friend. Before I could say anything else, Zack came back into the room, his arms full of various treats and drinks. I got up and helped him set everything down on the coffee table, laughing about how much he had brought out for just the three of us.

“What’s a movie night without a little binge eating?” he joked, grabbing a bag of chips.

Andi started the movie, and I was glad that it was a mindless superhero movie, with very little romance or drama involved. Right away Andi and Zack leaned into each other, snuggling on the couch while I sat there, awkwardly alone. Part of me didn’t mind since they were my friends, but it did make me wish that Brian was there.

Halfway through the movie, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out to see that Brian was calling, so I excused myself, slipping out onto the balcony of Zack’s place. I leaned against the rail as I answered the phone, staring out onto the ocean’s waves.

“Hey,” I said softly.

“Hey, my love,” Brian said. “I’m so glad you answered. I thought you might be in bed.”

I looked at my watch. “It’s only ten. And it’s a Saturday,” I said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, but I thought you’d be so sad without me there that you’d be in bed already,” he joked, laughing as he said it.

“I’m actually at Zack’s watching a movie with him and Andi,” I told him.

“Some third wheel action?” he asked.

I laughed and said, “Yep. But I got free Cheetos out of it so it’s been a good night.”

Brian chuckled, then paused for a moment before asking, “Do you miss me, baby?”

“Of course I do, my love,” I practically whispered. Then jokingly I said, “Why else do you think I would volunteer to have a third wheel date with those two? I needed something to take my mind off of missing you.”

“I love you,” he said quietly. I said it back, and there was a pause again before he continued.“This is what it would be like, you know.”

“What?”

“If you didn’t come on tour. This is what it would feel like, but worse. And for months at a time.”

I swallowed and my stomach knotted up with nerves. “Yeah, I know.”

“I don’t like it, Rosie. It’s only been one night and I’m aching to have you here with me.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to swallow again before answering so my voice wouldn’t crack. “I just wish it was that easy, Bri.”

“It is that easy, Rosie. We should be together, always.”

“I just can’t stop my life here. I love what I’m doing here, Brian. I’m getting closer and closer to becoming a major lead producer with each project I do. I can practically taste it. And doing that will only help with my songwriting. I just don’t know if I can let it go,” I admitted to him, my voice faltering several times.

“I told you, you’re life doesn’t have to be put on hold. You can still work on the road. Maybe not in the studio, but you can still write. And you can just produce when you get back.”

“It doesn’t really work like that, Brian. I have a good relationship with Mudrock and Fred, but the higher-ups might not feel the same way about all of this. I can’t just leave for months at a time and come back whenever I want. No artist I work with would comply with that schedule either, you should understand that.”

“I do, but I just don’t think it’s as important as it is for us to be together,” he said, a bite in his voice. He was clearly becoming angry now.

“So you’re saying your career is more important than mine?” I asked bitterly, anger rising in my own voice now too.

“No, I’m saying that you can take a break for a while and come back to it while I can’t. Do you expect me to quit the band so I can stay with you in California?”

“I never said that, not once. I can’t believe you’d even think that,” I said, putting my hands through my hair and sighing. “But there needs to be some sort of compromise here. I am not quitting my job.”

“Not even to be with me? The man you supposedly love?” he questioned.

“There you go again, assuming I don’t love you because I have career goals. Jesus, Brian,” I said, rage filling my stomach. “I can’t drop everything I worked so hard for just for some man!”

“I’m not just some man, Rosie. If I was this choice would be easier. We love each other,” he said and I could tell he was trying to calm down the conversation with the tone of his voice.

I took a deep breath before saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that you were just some random guy. I do love you and I know you love me. But we both love our careers too.”

“So now what?” he said, barely audible against the sound of the crashing waves.

“I don’t know,” I whispered in return.

Brian said, “We can’t keep dancing around this, baby. You need to decide what you want. You know what I want, I’ve made it clear.”

“I feel like I’ve made it pretty clear, too,” I said, realizing what I was really saying. Tears started streaming down my face and there was a pause in our conversation as we both processed what this meant.

“So you’re not coming,” he simply stated after a moment, almost monotone.

“No, I’m not,” I told him, trying hard to stop my voice from cracking.

“So this is it, then,” he whispered, clearly shocked.

“It doesn’t have to be,” I said, practically pleading. “I know it will be hard, but we can make it work while you’re on the road, can’t we?”

“I don’t think we can. You will worry about what I’m doing and who I’m with. I’ll be jealous of every guy that walks into that fucking studio. I can’t, Rosie. Either you’re with me 100% or you’re not at all, I can’t do this bullshit in the middle. I don’t want to feel like this for months at a time, be happy to be with you again for a little while, then go through it all over again. I want you completely, not half-assed.”

I bit my tongue, again trying not to cry. “I’m sorry, Brian. I do love you.”

“Clearly not enough,” he said angrily and hung up the phone, not giving me the chance to say any more.

I stood there for a moment and stared at the phone, not knowing what do to. All of the emotions rushing through my mind made me sink to the ground on my knees and I held my head in my hands, shaking from the sobs erupting through my body. Within moments I felt Andi’s arms wrap around my body, her hand rubbing my back. She must have seen me from the window of the living room. Slowly she guided me to my feet and helped me back inside, where she walked me to one of the bedrooms. She helped me get ready for bed and laid me down, rubbing my band and stroking my hair until I was calmed down.

“Brian?” she asked.

“We broke up,” I whispered, staring off into space. I couldn’t believe it. What had I done?


	22. Woman

I had eventually fallen asleep there, the tears no longer able to come. Andi stayed with me the whole time, talking to me about random things to make me feel better, like reminiscing about old times when we were still in school. I laughed here and there, and the mix of emotions eventually brought me to exhaustion. I closed my eyes as she was talking, unable to stay awake a moment longer.

I woke up the next morning, wrapped in blankets and warm and cozy. My eyelashes stuck together slightly as I finally opened my eyes because of the tears and the mascara. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling, knowing that I needed to get home to my own bed and away from everyone else. I didn’t want to have to face Zack and deal with thinking about what happened last night.

Slowly I got out of bed and crept out of the bed room, working my way down to the entry of his house. I slipped on my shoes and walked out the door, quietly closing it behind me so I wouldn’t wake anyone up. I quickly walked to my car and make a break for it, leaving before anyone would notice and try and stop me.

I wished that I had to work, or that I had something to do to keep my mind off of everything. I didn’t want to be around anyone who knew what was going on, who would see me weak like this. And the thought of being at home alone made me even sadder. Instead I went straight to the studio, not even caring that I looked like a hot mess. I needed to write, to pour out my emotions through song, rather than wallowing in self-pity alone at home.

I pulled in and parked, taking a deep breath before checking myself out in the visor mirror. My makeup had run and my hair was a mess. I tried my best to clean myself up, found a hair tie on the floor, and threw my hair in a bun. It was better than nothing. With one more deep breath I got out of the car and headed inside.

It didn’t take long for me to start, grabbing my guitar and playing right away. Words came out of me easily, as if they were ready to erupt from my broken heart.

You can lie to my face,  
You can tear me apart.  
Steal my last cigarette,  
Keep on twistin’ my heart.

But, baby, there’s one thing  
One thing I can’t stand  
Don’t call me a  
Don’t call me a  
Don’t call me a woman  
Cause the good times have gone bad.  
Don’t call me a woman  
Oh, ‘til you act like a man.

You can drink from my bottle,  
You can take all I got  
Like a thief in the darkness,  
Get light in my thoughts.

But, baby, there’s one thing  
One thing I can’t stand  
Don’t call me a  
Don’t call me aDon’t call me a woman  
Cause the good times have gone bad.  
Don’t call me a woman  
Oh, ‘til you act like a man.

I repeated the chorus, belting it over and over, tears running down my face as I sang. I was pissed, I was sad, and overwhelmed by the amount of pain I felt. Eventually I couldn’t continue; I had to stop playing and I sat there sobbing, holding my guitar in my lap. I thought of Taylor Swift’s Teardrops on My Guitar and I started laughing at myself, knowing that I probably looked like a fool.

I calmed myself down and wiped the tears from my face, still chuckling a bit. My emotions were all out of whack, but after a minute I was able to calm myself down enough to take calm, steady breaths. Just in time for me to hear the studio door open.

“Rosie?” a voice asked me. I jumped and turned to see Mudrock there, the last person I expected.

“Hey boss,” I said softly, my voice raw.

“I didn’t know you were coming in today,” he said as he walked into the room. “I came in to do some paperwork, but I couldn’t help but overhear you playing. I waited until you were done to come in.”

“Oh, sorry,” I said, shifting to get up. “I can leave if you need to work.”

“No, no. Get in the booth,” he said. He walked over to the soundboard. “And get an electric guitar. We’re recording that.”

I laughed, “Are you serious?”

“Rosie, you can fucking sing! Why did you tell me that before?”

“I mean, you knew I came in here to write sometimes,” I reminded him.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t know if you were any good,” he joked. “But seriously. You need to get in the booth and record that.”

I nodded, telling him I needed some water before I started. I walked into the kitchen and got some, trying to sooth my voice and calm my nerves that were now making my stomach ache. I never expected anything like this to happen, but I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to have such a talented producer actually record me singing.

I went back into the studio and went straight to the back room, grabbing my favorite Gibson electric guitar. I walked into the booth, putting on the headphones. Mudrock signaled me to start whenever I was ready, and I started playing and singing my new song. I closed my eyes as I sang, really letting myself feel it so it would sound just the way I want it.

When I was done, Mudrock made me exit the booth right away, excited to have me listen to the demo. I was shocked when I heard my own voice coming from the computer; though I knew what I sounded like, I had never been recorded to sound so well. Normally I would record a simple demo track, but Mudrock really went above and beyond. Tears of joy almost came to my eyes hearing it, but at the same time, I could hear the pain and sorrow in my voice.

“Do you have a band?” he asked me when we were finished listening.

I laughed, cocking my eyebrow. “No way. I’ve only sang in public once.”

“I think you should consider it, Rosie. This could be something big.”

I shook my head and said, “I’d rather record it and give the rights to someone else. I’m just not a performer.”

He nodded and looked at me sternly before saying, “Think about it at least, okay? You have real talent.”

“Thanks,” I said. We chatted a little longer and I told him about my other songs. He offered to record those for me as well, but I told him I already had demos. I mentioned that I had tried to be a songwriter for years, but had not been successful with actually having anyone else want my songs.

“I know this group that might be interested. You said you recorded a duet?” he asked.

“Yeah, with Brian Haner,” I said softly, biting my lip. I tried not to give away how much it hurt to even mention the name.

“Can I listen to it?” he asked me.

I nodded and went over to my computer where I had some of my demos stored and then selected the song to let him listen. It wasn’t the best recording quality, but as a demo it worked just fine.

“This is a lot different from the one we just did,” he said, surprised. “I pictured some hard rock coming from you and him.”

I laughed, “Yeah, it just depends on my mood, I guess.”

“That makes you a versatile songwriter, Rosie. That’s a good thing. I really do think I know a group that might be interested in this if you don’t mind letting me show it to them.”

“That would be amazing,” I told him.

We agreed that he would let me know as soon as possible and would ask other groups if they were not interested. I told him how grateful I was to have his help, and that he was the best boss I could ask for. I meant it too; not many producers would record a song for you for free.

“In the meantime, I recommend going to open mic nights and stuff so people hear your music. Only singing in public one time doesn’t get you anywhere,” he said, giving me a smile.

I nodded, knowing he was right. We chatted for a few more minutes before he told me he needed to really get back to work, so I packed up and left the studio, facing the rest of the day alone. I was so grateful to have that distraction for a few hours, but now that I was alone again, all of my negative thoughts and emotions crept up.

I hadn’t even realized that I had left my phone in the car while I was in the studio. When I checked it, I saw I had several texts and phone calls, mostly from Andi. None of them were from Brian, to my dismay. I had one from Matt, telling me that he was sorry about what happened, and one from Val saying the same thing. Zack told me to let him know if I needed him to kick Brian’s ass. No one else sent anything so I figured they didn’t know yet, but they’d find out soon enough.

I called Andi back, feeling guilty that I missed her calls.

“Oh my god, are you ok?” she said when she answered, not even bothering to say hello.

“Yeah, sorry. I was at the studio and left my phone in the car,” I told her.

“Oh,” she said, calming down. “I was worried when you weren’t here this morning.”

“I just needed to be alone,” I told her. “I went to the studio to write.”

“How’d that go?” she asked.

I told her about what happened with Mudrock, leaving out the Taylor Swift joke; it was mildly embarrassing. She was surprised and excited, asking me if she could hear me sing it soon. I told her I planned on singing at open mic nights more often so she could come then. We pretended like she wasn’t leaving to go on tour in the next few weeks and that I wasn’t going to be here all alone.

“Well, that’s good sweetie,” Andi said. “I hope tomorrow goes just as well.”

Tomorrow, shit. I didn’t even think about having to go back to work tomorrow. “Yeah, it will suck.”

“Just ignore him the best you can. Be strong. You don’t want him to see that you’re hurting,” she said, telling me what I wanted to hear.

“Do you think I did the right thing?” I asked her after a moment, practically whispering into the phone.

“I think you need to do what you think is right, Rosie. This is really important to you. Brian should have been able to compromise with that,” she told me. “I wish you wanted to come, selfishly, but I understand why you’re not.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I just needed to hear that I’m not a crazy person.”

“Not at all. You gotta do what’s right for you,” she said. “I love you. We’ll keep in touch the whole time. You’ll get to talk to the guys as much as you want.”

“Okay,” I said, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “I’m gonna hang up- gonna start driving home.”

“I’ll see you there,” she said, which made me happy. Finally I would have my roommate to myself.

The ride home was silent; I kept off the radio and was merely lost in my thoughts. With what happened today I felt so good about my singing and my songwriting that I knew I needed to stay here to make this happen, at least for now. Maybe Brian couldn’t accept that, but this is what I needed to do. I just hoped that one day he would see that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song from the chapter is Woman by Dorothy


	23. Champagne

I dreaded today more than anything. Having to go back to work and face Brian and the guys after the breakup was sure to be awkward and uncomfortable. This is exactly why I was afraid of dating him in the first place. Last time I did this with a guy from a band it was just sex, and that was awkward enough. This was a man I loved. Well, still love. So I could only imagine how difficult it was going to be.

Luckily we were almost done and at this point in the process I had very little to do. I planned on just hanging out in the back on the room, minding my own business and only participating when necessary. I just hoped everything went smooth and I didn’t have to deal with any drama.

I got there early as usual, not wanting it to seem like anything was wrong with me. I had made sure to look presentable, but didn’t overdo it; I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying too hard. I simply wore jeans, a black tank, and a flannel with my hair down in its natural blonde waves. I got the studio ready for the day, silently praying that Brian wouldn’t be the first one to show up.

My prayers were heard as Matt walked through the door, quickly followed by Johnny, Jimmy, and Zack. Brian was nowhere to be found, and I felt the pit of my stomach churn with nerves. Mudrock and Fred arrived next, setting up everything for the day while we all waited for Brian.

“Where the fuck is Gates?” Johnny asked, clearly wanting to get work started.

“Who the fuck knows,” Zack said, annoyed. “Probably too busy being a pussy at home.”

“Stop, Zack,” Jimmy said, more serious than normal.

The conversation made me wonder whether or not the guys knew. But when Matt reached over and squeezed my shoulder, I had a feeling they all did. I bit my lip and forced myself to stay quiet, not wanting to make this anymore awkward than it already was.

Before anyone else could add to the conversation, he finally walked through the door, wearing all black and sunglasses on his face. He looked rough, honestly, as if he was hung over. I had seen him like this before, but was honestly surprised he’d show up to work this way.

“Sorry,” he said gruffly before sitting in the studio, as far away from me as possible. He kept on his sunglasses and crossed his legs, leaning back into the chair.

“Let’s get started,” Mudrock said, sensing some of the awkwardness. But, being the businessman that he is, he avoided it, getting right to work.

We were a little more than halfway through approving the record, and the guys were anxious to get more songs completed today and maybe even finish the whole thing. Everyone was extremely focused and no small talk was had between anyone, which I was eternally grateful  
for.

During lunch, the tour was brought up. I stayed back in the studio while they ate in the kitchen, not hungry enough to join them. I used the excuse that I was going to work on other projects I was behind on, but I didn’t. I just didn’t want to be around them while they talked about leaving town because I’m sure I wouldn’t react well. So, instead I sat in the studio area, hidden from everyone as I listened in on their conversation.

“Larry said he’s coming by at five tomorrow to finalize tour dates. He wants everyone to be there,” Matt told the guys.

“Sounds good,” I heard Zack say. The rest of them confirmed between their bites of food.

“He said that Warped Tour is for sure, but we’re going to try and fit in some solo shows in between. He needs to figure out who the openers will be though and wants suggestions. So think about that in the meantime,” Matt instructed.

“Yes, sir,” Brian said, his voice flat and annoyed. He probably even saluted Matt when he said it.

“Stop being a dick,” Zack said, probably a little too loud.

“Shh,” Matt said. “Don’t do this now.” I could just picture him pointing to the studio to remind everyone that I was in there.

“Whatever,” Zack said, and I heard his chair move away from the table.

“You got a problem?” Brian asked, his voice angrier now.

“You know what my fucking problem is, you pussy,” Zack said.

I heard Brian’s chair slide back quickly, as if he stood from the table. “Shut the fuck up, Zack. You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.”

“I know that you’re an asshole who is such a little bitch that he can’t let his woman pursue her own dreams.”

“STOP,” Jimmy said, a fierce sternness in his voice that I had never heard before. “Just stop.”

It was quiet for a moment and I heard chairs shuffling again, which must have been Zack sitting down, because a moment after I heard the front door slam. I knew that must have been Brian, probably to go out and have a smoke. I sat there, trying to catch my breath and stop tears from coming. I didn’t want Zack to act like that for me; he didn’t have to take sides. It wasn’t fair to anyone. I knew I had to say something, but it took me a moment to calm my nerves and get up to walk to the kitchen.

Leaning against the door frame, I tried to casually say, “That wasn’t necessary.” My voice cracked a little.

“Shit, Rosie,” Zack said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I thought you had headphones on.”

I shrugged, “No. But seriously, Zack, you didn’t need to do that. I don’t want you guys fighting, especially right before you leave.”

Zack sighed, “I meant what I said to him. I think he’s being a little bitch.”

I sighed too. “Well, even if you think that, you need to keep it to yourself. You’re the one that has to live with him on a crowded bus for the next several months, not me.” As I said this last thing I had to bite my tongue to stop the tears. They welled up in my eyes but I would not let them fall.

He nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll go talk to him,” Zack said, getting up. “Rosie, I am sorry. About everything.”

When Zack left it was awkward again, and it was clear that no one knew what to say.  
Eventually I told the guys, “I don’t want all of this bullshit to stop us from being friends and from finishing this record. I still care about you all and your success, regardless of what happened. So please don’t feel awkward around me. It only makes it worse.”

Jimmy got up from his spot, wrapping his arms around me. While I was in his embrace he said, “I’m sorry, Rosie. This whole this is so fucked up. We’re all mad at Brian and we’re also kind of mad at you. It’s hard.”

“I understand,” I said as he let me go.

“You’re always going to be our friend,” Matt told me. “And you’re one of the best producers we’ve ever worked with.”

“No doubt,” Johnny added.

“Thanks, guys,” I said.

Brian and Zack walked back through the door then, less tense than they had been previously. It seemed like everything would get back to normal soon, that the guys would be on the road, best friends again. And I would be here, alone. But I couldn’t let myself think that way. I made this choice and I didn’t want to regret it just because I was lonely. I needed this right now, this push towards success.

“Ready to get back to work?” Mudrock asked from his seat at the table, clearly wanting to avoid any more awkward conversations. We all agreed and headed back into the studio.

The rest of the day went much smoother and we were on our way to finishing the album. Every one of us were so eager to wrap it up that we stayed later than usual. Dinnertime had come and passed, but we stayed, finishing up the last song of the record City of Evil.

“That’s a wrap, guys,” Fred said, leaning back in his chair.

We all cheered, elated at the news, myself included. We had all worked so hard on the record and everyone was excited to send it out to the fans. The guys all got up and hugged each other, hugged Mudrock and Fred, and even me. Except for one band member, of course.

Fred broke out the cheap champagne they kept in the fridge and we all shared the bottle, using little red plastic cups. It tasted awful, but we didn’t care; we just wanted to celebrate being done with the record.

“Party at my place tomorrow after the meeting with Larry,” Matt said. “Food, pool, and LOTS of drinking.”

Everyone agreed and they talked about the party on the way out of the studio, leaving me and the other producers behind. Matt made sure to extend the invitation to all three of us, but I knew I wouldn’t be there. Tonight was probably one of the last nights I’d ever see them, and they all just walked out the door without a goodbye. It was probably better this way anyways; it would be easier to let them go.

“Are you going to that, Rosie?” Fred asked me as we packed up for the night.

“No, probably not,” I told him.

“So what the fuck happened?” Mudrock asked finally.

I laughed at his outburst. “Brian and I broke up, so sorry for the awkwardness.”

“Jesus, Rosie. This is why you don’t date musicians,” he said.

“I know, I know,” I said, looking away and not wanting to talk about it anymore.

“Well, if you change your mind, we’ll be there, right Fred?”

“Yep,” Fred said, putting on his coat. We all walked out of the studio then, Mudrock locking the door behind him.

We parted then, walking to our own cars to go home. I was exhausted and emotionally drained, already dreaming of my bed. Now that the project with Avenged Sevenfold was done, and done early, I would have some time off. I needed to call some bands and schedule sessions with them right away; I couldn’t let myself have too much free time. Keeping busy and pushing myself was the only way I was going to get through these next few months without the man I loved, my new friends, and my best friend. I dreaded it, but I had to stick to my guns. I just hoped that it wasn’t going to be as horrible as it sounded.

-0-

I spent the following morning contacting as many bands as I could, letting him know that the studio was available sooner than they signed up for. Most of the bands replied with thanks-but-no-thanks because they had other things going on, but I was finally able to book studio time with two different groups. Starting the next day I would be back in the studio full time, and sometimes overtime. I even called Paramore to give them a head’s up that I would be available more often and they were ecstatic. Anything I could do to keep myself busy.

Andi was actually home, frantically trying to figure out what to take on tour and what to leave at home. I sat on her bed as she dug through her closet, mumbling to herself about what to take and leave behind.

“I’ll be able to send you some cash here and there to help pay for the apartment, Rosie,” she said. “It just don’t be as consistent as usual.”

I sighed. “It’s ok. I have a feeling you’ll be moving in with Zack when you come back anyways.”

“You think so?” she asked, excited.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. It wasn’t their fault that I was single now. “Probably,” I said to her.

“Will you be okay here by yourself?” she asked, turning around to face me.

I sighed and nodded before saying, “I’ll have to be. I can afford the bills, that’s not an issue.” In my mind I thought about how I’ll have no social life with all my friends leaving, so I’d have nothing else to spend money on anyways.

“I feel bad, Rosie. I can’t lie. I feel like I should stay,” she said sadly.

“Don’t stay here just because you feel sorry for me,” I said, trying to keep my tone as pleasant as possible.

“It’s not just that, Rosie. You’re my friend and I care about you. Every time I got dumped you were there for me and now I’m just leaving. It makes me feel like a shitty friend,” she said.

“It’s ok, Andi. You can’t stay here just because of me. You need to do what you want to do and put yourself first. I’ll be OK. I’ll call you if I get sad, I promise,” I told her, meaning it.

She nodded and bit her lip, clearly still feeling pity for me. “I have to get going. You sure you don’t want to come?”

“Positive.”

“I love you,” she said before walking over to me to give me a hug.

“Love you too. Have fun,” I told her.

She walked out the door, leaving me there alone. Something I just had to get used to.


	24. Should've Stayed Home

I laid there on the couch in my pajamas, mindlessly eating a bag of Cheetos while I binged on some TV show I didn’t even care about. I tried not to think about how this would be the new norm for me and that I needed a new hobby and I cleared my mind, just letting myself relax. That was until my phone rang.

It was Matt, surprisingly. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer, but I did anyways, not able to resist. I turned down the TV and said hello, immediately taken aback by the loud music on the other end of the phone.

“ROSIE!” Matt yelled into the phone.

“Yes?”

“Why the FUCK aren’t you here right now?” he asked. He was clearly drunk.

“You know why, Matt,” was all I said.

“Fuck that. You’re my friend. You’re all of our friends. Come, now!”

“Not happening, Matt.”

The phone sounded like it was being passed to someone else, and as it was I heard someone screaming my name in the background. Eventually Val was given the phone.

“Sorry about the boys,” she said. “They’re tipsy, but they mean it when they say they want you here. Can you hear them?”

I heard a few guys chanting my name in the background and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, I hear them.”

“I know what happened between you and Brian is shitty, but we all still love you and want to hang out with you. He knows that too and is okay with it, trust me,” she said to me.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please come. I would be so sad if I didn’t get to see you again before the tour!”

“That’s true. Okay, I’ll be there in a little while,” I said, against my better judgement.

“SHE SAID YES!” Val yelled to everyone and they all cheered, making me smile. I just knew there was one man in that group that wasn’t cheering for me to be there at all.

I got up from the couch to get dressed, knowing that I needed to go all out tonight. I went to my room and started digging through my closet, looking for the sexiest outfit that I could find. I ended up with a little black dress that hugged my body. It had leather panels that diagonally striped down the dress, extenuating the little amount of curves that I had. I paired it with black heels, knowing I wouldn’t keep on my shoes anyways, and fixed up my hair and makeup. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe how good I looked. This is how I wanted Brian to remember me if this was the last time I saw him.

I packed a bathing suit and an overnight bag just in case and headed out, of course putting on my leather jacket first. I took my time getting to the party, nervous as ever. I didn’t want any drama tonight and just wanted to have fun with my friends. I knew it would be a rager and I was prepared to let go and have fun, but I was still worried some shit would go down with Brian. Part of me wanted to clear the air, but another part of me just wanted to say FUCK YOU. I knew I wouldn’t do that, but still.

When I arrived I let myself in, placing my stuff on the landing of the staircase near the door. Everyone was out back at the pool so I kicked off my heels and headed back there, grabbing a drink from the kitchen on my way. Jimmy spotted me right away and ran over to me, lifting me into the air and spinning me around.

“ROSIE!!!” he screamed. I heard Andi, Zack, Jimmy, and Matt all cheer. They all ran over to me, embracing me in a group hug.

“I love you guys,” I said in between hugs, tears beading at the corner of my eyes.

“We love you too, Rosie,” Val said as she hugged me and all the guys cheered.

“I’m so glad you came!” Andi said, grabbing my hand. She pulled me to the side and hugged me tight, whispering into my ear, “You look so hot right now. Brian was already staring.”

“This is how he will remember me,” I said, breaking from her embracing and twirling around. She laughed and I bit my lip, sneaking a glance to the man staring at me from across the yard.

Brian was still in all black but looked a little better now, his hair combed in his normal messy spikes and no longer adorning sunglasses. He was talking with some girl I didn’t know, but looking at me. His mouth was open a bit and I saw him swallow, clearly impressed by my appearance. The red head by his side touched his arm, trying to get his attention and he jumped a bit, turning back to her. I frowned, knowing that I had to get used to the idea of him being around other women, but I definitely didn’t like it.

I took a deep breath and returned to my friends, determined to have fun regardless of Brian. I hung out with Jimmy a lot of the night, playing beer pong and other drinking games. I danced with the girls, drank way too much, and spent as much time with everyone as I could,  
cherishing these moments before they left.

As the night grew chilly and people started heading home, we took the party inside. It was a smaller group of us now, but we still had a good time, dancing to old songs in the living room and sharing old memories. I was dancing with Val, Jason Berry, his brother Matt, and Andi. Matt was acting like an idiot as he danced with us, but Jason was being a little more serious, putting his hands around my waist as we swayed to the music. In my tipsy state I didn’t mind the attention and allowed it, moving my hips in motion with his.

Within moments I felt my hand get tugged away from the group and I was pulled into the hall way.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Jesus, Brian,” I said, pulling my hand away and leaning my body against the wall. “I’m doing whatever the fuck I want.”

“Fuck, Rosie,” he said, leaning against the other wall. “You can’t just show up here and dance like that with some other guys and not expect me to get mad.”

“You broke up with me, so yeah, I can,” I said in anger.

He stepped closer to me, putting his hands on either side of me on the wall. “You drive me crazy.”

“Ditto,” I said flatly, annoyed.

He moved even closer, our bodies almost touching. I breathed in the scent of him, wanting to remember the perfect mix of cigarettes, whiskey and cologne. His hands moved to my hips and I looked into his eyes, knowing what was coming next. And I was right- next thing I knew, his lips were crashing against mine and my hands moved to his hair, pulling him as close to me as possible.

Without hesitation he moved me to a bedroom, kissing me the whole way there. He slammed me against the wall of the bedroom, hands roaming up my legs to lift up the hem of my dress. He moved my panties to the side, rubbing his fingers against my clit and making me moan against his kisses. He moved away from my mouth, slowly going down to his knees.

Brian pushed my legs apart and slipped off my panties so he could place his tongue against my clit. My legs began to shake and I had to place my hand on his head to balance myself as he slipped his fingers in, moving them in rhythm with his tongue. I gripped at his hair, barely able to stand as I clenched around his fingers as I came.

He moved his fingers out of me, roughly grabbing my hips and shoving me onto the bed. He was pissed off and it was so hot the way he threw me onto all fours, lifting up my dress again. Within moments he was inside of me, gripping tightly at my hips as he pushed into me. I cried out in pleasure and pain as Brian pushed me down into the bed, thrusting into me deeper and deeper.

“Touch yourself,” he demanded, slapping my ass.

I did as I was told, reaching under my legs to touch myself. As soon as I started rubbing my own clit I felt myself coming close to climax and I moaned Brian’s name, not even caring if anyone heard. He pulled my hair as I came, roughly pushing himself into me as my whole body shook.

I fell onto the bed, no longer able to hold myself up from the overwhelming sensations. Brian didn’t care, though; he flipped me over onto my back and pulled me closer to him so that my legs dangled over the edge of the bed. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his shoulders, pushing himself into me again. I couldn’t stop moaning as he fucked me hard, my mind and body trapped in a euphoric state. Brian gripped my thighs as he came, practically leaving bruises on them as he came.

After a moment to catch his breath he pulled out of me, grabbing a tissue at the edge of the bed to clean himself up. He zipped up his pants and turned to leave as I laid there, trying to catch my breath still. He stopped for a moment and turned to face me as I sat up on the bed, pulling down my dress.

“You should go,” he said coldly.

I didn’t know what to say to him other than, “Why?”

“I can’t do this,” he said softly, looking away from me. “If you’re here it just makes everything so much harder. I want you, Rosie. Like I told you before, I need 100% or nothing. This doesn’t work.” When he said that last thing, he pointing back and forth between us and the bed.

“I know,” I said softly with a sigh. “I know.”

“So you should go,” he said again, walking to the door.

“Wait a second,” I said, getting up from the bed. I walked over to him and put my hand in his. He faced me then and I reached up to give him one more gentle kiss. “Good bye.”

He nodded and swallowed, not saying anything else to me before he walked out of the door. I stood there, leaning against the wall, letting the tears flow from my eyes, knowing that he was right. I needed to leave; this was too hard and too soon. I didn’t know what I was expecting.

After a moment, I calmed myself and wiped my face, trying to clean up any excess makeup that ran from my eyes. I found my panties and slipped them back on and tried to fix my hair before heading back out to the party. I found Andi in the crowd and pulled her away from the group to the foyer of the house.

“I’m going,” I told her once we got there.

“Are you OK? Where did you go?” she asked.

“Brian,” I started. I took a deep breath to stop myself from crying immediately. “We had sex.”

“Oh, Rosie,” she began to say, but I cut her off.

“I know, it was stupid. I mean, it was amazing sex, but it was not a smart choice. I just couldn’t resist him. It was stupid for me to come here,” I said, tears starting to roll down my cheeks again.

“I don’t blame you,” she said, pulling me into a hug. “And we’re all glad you came. I’m sorry it ended up like this.”

“I knew something was bound to happen,” I said with a sigh as I wiped away my tears. “Tell everyone I said goodbye and that I love them. Could you do that for me?”

“Of course. Are you safe to drive?”

“Yes, that whole thing definitely sobered me up, don’t worry.”

“Text me when you get home. Love you,” she said, hugging me tightly again.

“Love you. Bye,” I told her as I put on my shoes. I grabbed my bag and walked out the door, heading back to my life alone. Where I should have stayed tonight in the first place.


	25. Goodbye

I didn’t go straight home, too upset to walk into that empty apartment and cry myself to sleep. Instead I went to the beach and walked along the sand, even though it was dark and the beach was technically closed. I held my heels in my hand and let the water run over my bare feet as I stared out into the ocean, my mind running wild. I felt dirty and sick inside, knowing that what I had done was stupid and irresponsible. I just wanted the water to wash these feelings out of me.

I stepped deeper into the water until it hit right under my knees, knowing I would ruin my dress if I took another step. I didn’t know what I was doing or why I was here, but I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I stood there, letting the water soak my legs as the tears ran from my eyes and soaked my face. I could barely breathe and the world was spinning around me; I felt like I was going to fall and let the waves take me away.

A flash of light pulled me out of my funk and I turned to see a security guard or park ranger, I couldn’t tell, heading towards me. I held up my hands and walked towards the beach, away from the water.

“Are you alright, miss?” he asked, looking me up and down.

“Yes, I’m fine. I know the beach is closed, I’ll leave,” I said, walking towards my car.

“Have you been drinking?” he asked me, following me.

“No,” I lied, knowing that I was sober and able to drive. “Just having a rough night. I’ll be going.”

I walked faster now, practically jogging to my car to get away from the guy. He didn’t match my pace, but didn’t exactly let me go, watching me as I got into my car and drove away. I shook off the creepy feeling the whole thing gave as I drove off, knowing that I was probably just being overly sensitive and that he was just doing his job.

I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment, not even realizing that I had already driven there. My mind would not slow down, reeling through every moment of this evening and of the last few months. I forced myself to make my way to my apartment and inside, practically a zombie as I walked to my room and fell into my bed. And though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I laid there and cried myself to sleep.

-0-

Two weeks had passed since the party and it had been radio silence from the boys of Avenged Sevenfold. At least, in my life it had been. I knew from the few texts I got from Andi that they were busy traveling and promoting the album, sometimes even taking her along. I got to see her once when she came home to pack, and I couldn’t help but sense that she felt pity for me. It made me so angry that I barely responded to her texts and ignored most of her calls, knowing that whatever she would say to me would be laced with pity.

I knew I shouldn’t be mad at her, but I couldn’t help it. I guess part of me was jealous of her, that I couldn’t just let go of my life here like she did, but part of me thought she was stupid for it as well. Which then in turn made me feel like a huge bitch. So, no matter what, I was a bitch. I didn’t really like to think about it.

I kept myself as busy as possible, working endless hours and staying at the studio to write rather than being home alone. It kept my mind off of things and I was able to get a ton of work done. And hell, heartbreak led to some damn good songs.

I had done a good job avoiding it until Andi showed up at the studio, completely pissed off. I had just gotten there and was about to work until I heard her banging on the door, yelling my name. Sighing, I went and opened the door, knowing I was in for it.

“What the FUCK, Rosie?” she asked, storming inside. I just stood there, crossing my arms as I waited for her to continue. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days! What’s going on with you?”

“I’ve been busy,” I said, feeling guilty. “I should’ve said something, I know.”

“We leave in a few days,” she reminded me. “I wanted to spend time with my best friend before I went, but I guess you’re too damn busy.”

“Well, we do still live together, you know. You could’ve just stayed at our apartment for once,” I said, malice in my voice.

“You know damn well I’ve been busy trying to help the guys get ready for the tour and promoting. I’ve been traveling with them. It’s just made more sense for me to stay with them,” she said.

“Just feels like you don’t even care if you make time for me,” I said, not looking at her.

“Rosie, I’ve been trying to call you for days. You’re right- I probably could have just went to the apartment, but when you wouldn’t answer any of my calls, I thought you were mad at me.  
Sorry I tried to waste your time.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, stopping her as she turned to leave. “I’ve been a bitch, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you really have. I know this is hard for you, but you said you were cool with me going.”

“And I am. It is hard for me, Andi. I’m trying, but I’m not doing a good job,” I admitted to her, looking down at the floor.

“Rosie, when I’m gone I still want to talk to you like every day. You’re my best friend; I want to share what’s going on with you. Which means I’ll talk about Zack and the guys. I can try not to bring them up if you want, but I still want to talk to you,” she said, grabbing my hands.

“I want that too. And I still want to be friends with them, it just might take a while for me to get there. Especially after leaving the party without saying goodbye,” I said.

“They know why you did,” she told me.

“Seriously?” I asked, letting go of her hands and running my own through my hair. “That’s awkward.”

“Honestly they all just figured it out. You left, Brian stormed off, and you two had been mysteriously gone from the party at the same time. We all knew what happened without anyone saying anything.”

“He stormed off?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

Andi sighed and bit her lip, wondering if she should say anything, but did anyways. “Yeah, he grabbed a bottle of whiskey then left the party. Jimmy took off after him to make sure he wasn’t going to drive. They walked around the block for a while, I guess. Came back later and he was trashed, so Jimmy helped him to bed.”

I sighed again. “I should never have come to that party.”

“No use dwelling on that now,” she said to me. “The rest of us were still glad you did, though.”

I nodded, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “So what do you want to do?”

“Can we please go shopping? I need shit for this trip. If it’s not too much to ask-”

“It’s fine, I need clothes too. Let’s go,” I said, grabbing her hand and heading out of the studio doors.

We spent hours at the mall, going in and out of practically every single store, ignoring the fact that she was buying clothes for tour. It was nice just spending time with my friend and not having to worry about all of the other stupid shit that had been running through my mind lately. We made plans to hang out every day that week, knowing that we wouldn’t see each other for months after this Friday. I just prayed that nothing else bad happened before then.

She mentioned that the guys would be throwing another party, of course, as a farewell and mentioned that I could come. I denied the invitation, knowing what would probably happen if I showed up. Instead, Andi and I made our own plans, spending as much time together as we could before she left. She even stayed at the apartment and it was just like old times. I reveled in it, cherishing every moment because I knew it would never be like this again.

Friday rolled around sooner than I would’ve liked, and I knew that I had to go and say my goodbyes. Andi practically begged me to come to the bus depot to say goodbye to her and I said yes, knowing that I couldn’t let my shit with Brian stop me from seeing off my best friend.  
I pulled up to the parking lot that they were leaving from, seeing a group of people working on loading up different trucks and the main tour bus. I spotted Andi and jogged up to her, trying to avoid everyone else.

“Rosie!” she shouted, running up to me. She dropped all of her things and wrapped her arms around me and I embraced her, tears already coming to my eyes. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Of course,” I said, practically whispering. We broke apart, both crying and laughing at the same time.

“It’s just a few months,” she said, wiping her face. “And I’ll call you a lot. And I put Skype on my computer, make sure you do too.”

“I will,” I said, nodding.

“Rosie!” I heard a voice. Looking around Andi I saw Jimmy running towards us and within moments I was being embraced by the tall man.

“We will miss you!” he said, a little too loudly.

“I’ll miss you too,” I told him sincerely.

Eventually the scene caught the attention of the rest of the band and they all made their way over, giving me hugs and saying goodbye. All except Brian, of course, who I saw shake his head before lighting up a cigarette and walking to the other side of the bus, avoiding it altogether. I couldn’t blame him.

Val came over next, hugging me and promising to keep in touch. She even whispered, “I’ll make sure Brian is okay, too.” I nodded and bit my lip, oddly comforted by the sentiment. Before I could say anything in return, the bus driver beeped the horn, signaling that it was time to go.

I stood back with the rest of the people coming to say goodbye, like Michelle and the family members of the band. Papa Gates, who I had only met a few times, put his arm around me as we waved goodbye to his son. Tears came to my eyes as Brian waved back to us, looking at me one last time before getting on the bus.

“Never gets easier,” Papa Gates said as the bus pulled away. “But they’ll be back soon.”

I nodded, moving away from him. “Just a few months,” I said softly.

“I knew things got rough between you and Brian, Rosie, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. You’re still part of the Avenged Sevenfold family, you know,” he said, giving me a smile.

“That’s really kind, thank you,” I said, tears welling up again.

“No problem. I’ll see you soon,” he said, waving goodbye as he headed back to his car with his wife and daughter.

I sighed and turned, going back to my own car. I got in and sat for a moment, trying to calm myself before starting the car. This was really it- they were gone. I took a deep breath, knowing there was nothing I could do about it, and drove off, heading to my own fate.


	26. Sold

I woke up in a strange place, my head fuzzy and pounding with a headache. I sat up and looked around, seeing an unfamiliar bedroom and a naked man beside me lying face down. Touching my own body I realized I was naked as well and I rolled my eyes at myself, knowing what I had done.

Slowly I untangled myself from his sheets and got out of the bed, tip toeing around the room to find my clothes. I got dressed silently and peeked at the man in the bed, making sure it was who I thought it was, then slipped out the door unnoticed. Other people were asleep in the living room, sprawled out on the floor and random couches, but I got out of there without anyone hearing me.

I made my way to my car and got in, not starting it right away. Tears fell down my face as I thought about what I had done again. No, this wasn’t the first time since the guys had left that I woke up in a random man’s bed, and I don’t know why I kept doing it. Sure it felt good in the moment, let me feel sexy and forget all of the bad feelings I thought about myself, but in the morning it just made those bad feelings worse.

A good and a bad thing about working with lots of musicians is that it helped you meet a lot of people, but unfortunately meeting those people usually happened at parties where lots of drugs and alcohol were around. I never did any hard drugs, but lately I’ve been letting myself get drunk and high, hanging out with whatever men would give me attention. I was always careful not to flirt or sleep with the men I worked with, knowing that I didn’t want to get myself in that situation again. However, sleeping with one of their friends? Not as complicated.

I tried to calm my tears as I sat in my car in front of the house where one of those parties were last night. I had been recorded with Good Charlotte, who had the nicest band members ever, and they invited me to this party. I couldn’t even remember the man’s name that I spent the night with, but I knew he was one of their friends.

Eventually I drove off, heading back to Huntington from where I was in Los Angeles. I went to the beach instead of my apartment, though, wanting to hear the sound of the waves to calm my nerves. I had been doing that a lot lately, too. Sitting on the beach and hearing the water, or feeling it on my feet, made me feel better. It relaxed me.

I was still wearing my jeans and shirt from the night before, but luckily I hadn’t worn a slutty dress. I threw my hair up in a ponytail and fixed my makeup before walking out onto the sand, heading straight to the water. Not caring if my pants got wet, I sat near the shore, letting the water trickle over my toes as I closed my eyes to soak in the sun and the sounds.

I tried so hard to keep negative thoughts from rolling through my mind, but I couldn’t. How could I let myself keep doing such stupid things? I cut myself slack the first time, serving it up as a rebound fuck from the breakup. But last night was the third time I had done this. And just like the time before, I vowed to never do it again. I just hoped I stuck with it this time.  
Part of me knew that there was nothing wrong with me having a little fun, seeing different men, and partying. I was young, single, and had a good job and could support myself. But my intentions of why I was doing it was what made it so bad; I was doing it just to feel again.

Ever since he left, I couldn’t help but think I was never going to find love again. I know that I made this choice, but it was a lonely choice. Any time a man showed me any sort of affection I glommed on it, which was dangerous and unhealthy.

“Excuse me? Miss?” I heard a man’s voice say, breaking me from my thoughts.

I looked up, squinting in the sunlight to see a man who looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“I don’t know if you remember me,” he started, “I saw you a few weeks back here. When the beach was closed.”

“Oh,” I said, embarrassed; it was the security guard who caught me here after that party.

“You seemed distressed that night. Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s dandy,” I said looking away. Why was this happening?

“Well, I have to admit I’m glad I ran into you again,” he said, shifting in the sand a bit. “I’m  
Mark, by the way.”

“Rosie,” I said, not even looking at him.

“Um, well, uh did you want to get coffee or something sometime?” he asked.

I stood there so that we looked eye-to-eye, rather than him looking down at me. “Not sure if that’s a good idea, Mark.”

“Oh,” he said, disappointed. “I just thought it would be nice to have a coffee with such a beautiful girl.”

None of the random men had called me beautiful before I fell into their bed. Sure, they said things like hot or sexy, but never beautiful. I felt my stomach bunch up with butterflies as I looked at Mark, taking in his appearance. He was Hispanic with tan skin and dark hair, tattoos adorning his arms. He had dark brown eyes that I felt I was getting lost in already.

“Maybe I spoke too soon,” I said. “I don’t really drink coffee, maybe lunch instead?”

“Wow, yeah, that would be great!” he said with excitement. He grabbed his phone. “Let me get your number and I’ll call you.”

I gave it to him, not entirely sure if I was doing the right thing. Here I was again, giving in to a man who showed me affection. Granted this affection was a hell of a lot sweeter than the men at the parties, but still.

He left then, having to get back to work, and I decided to go home as well. I needed to shower before heading to the studio for another long day of work.

-0-

When I left the studio that night I saw I had three missed calls from Mudrock, which was really odd. Today I had been working with Paramore, finishing up their record, so Mudrock wasn’t there, but I felt bad for missing his calls. Before I left the studio I called him back, just in case he needed me to do something there.

“Hey, sorry I missed your calls,” I said when he picked up the phone.

“It’s fine- I have some great news,” he said. “You know that song, Poison and Wine, which you recorded?”

I swallowed, remembering. “Yes.”

“Well, I found a group who wants it. They’re called The Civil Wars. Rosie, they’re a perfect fit.”

“Holy shit,” I said, almost to myself more than to him. “Are you serious?”

He laughed and said, “As a heart attack, girl. They want to sing your song and put it on their record.”

“Wow, I can’t believe it,” I said.

“There’s just one thing you need to do first,” he said softly, as if he was nervous to ask.

“Oh, yeah,” I replied, knowing what I needed to do. “I have to ask Brian.”

“Yeah. I know you said he was cool with it, but check in just in case. He may have changed his mind.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll call him tonight,” I said.

“Let me know what he says and we can get the ball rolling. Congrats, Rosie.”

“Thanks, Mudrock. You’re the best.”

When I hung up I stared at the phone for a moment, not believing what had just happened. I felt excitement mixed with dread, knowing that I would have to talk to Brian about this. I hoped he would be cool with everything.

I went home then, knowing that I had to Skype call them to do this. I doubted Brian would pick up the phone if I had called him. And I wanted to talk with Andi anyways.

Before I called I freshened up, fixing my hair and makeup to look more presentable. I had been living in the messy bun, no makeup world since he left. I wanted to look good, like I wasn’t home struggling. I even changed my shirt from the ratty old Green Day t-shirt I had one to something a little tighter and cleaner. I sat at the table then with my computer and Skype called Andi, praying that they were just on the road and not busy.

She picked up almost right away, and I was excited to see Zack and Jimmy with her as well. They all waved and said hello, and we chatted for a moment, catching up on what had been going on. They were on Warped Tour, currently traveling to the next location. They told me about some of the shows and how amazing they had been, and some of the parties too. I laughed as Jimmy described some of their antics, knowing that they were all probably having a good time.

“I have some news,” I said eventually. “Someone wants the rights to one of my songs! I am officially a legit songwriter.”

“Wow! That’s so amazing!” Andi said. They all congratulated me, genuinely excited for me.

“There’s a catch, though,” I started. “I actually recorded this song with Brian. I need to ask him if he’d be okay with me selling it.”

“I’m sure he’d be fine with it,” Zack said, biting his lip a bit.

“You should talk to him, still,” Jimmy said. “I’ll go get him.”

When he left Zack did as well, knowing that I would need to talk to Brian alone. Andi waited there for a moment, whispering into the computer, “He’s been really emo lately, Rosie.”

“Me, too Andi,” I told her, trying not to giggle at her use of the word emo.

Before she could say anything else, though, Brian slid into view. He looked a little haggard, with messy hair and bags under his eyes, but that could have just been from being on a cramped bus for weeks.

“What is it?” he asked bluntly.

“Well, uh,” I started, then stopped, surprised at what I saw. “Is that a hickey on your neck?”

He scrunched his brows. “So what if it is? That’s not seriously why you called, right?”

I sat back a bit and furrowed my own brows. “Well, no. I was just surprised to see a hickey since you’re not like 15.”

“Cut the shit, what do you want?” he asked, his voice bored.

I knew I had no right to get jealous, but I was. Regardless I needed to ask for his help.

Sighing I said, “Someone wants Poison and Wine. You know, the song we recorded together? I wanted to see if you were cool with it. I can get a contract or something together so you can get some of the royalties or-”

“It’s fine,” he said, cutting me off. “I told you before, it’s your song. I just sang it in a booth. It means nothing to me.”

I bit my lip, trying not to let those words sting. “Okay. I just wanted to be courteous and ask.”

“Ok. Well you have my permission, I guess. Do whatever you want with your song,” he said, beginning to move away from the computer. “And congrats. You got what you wanted.”

He left then and Andi came back into view, her face sad as she saw me there trying to hold back tears. I shook my head, told her I loved her and that I had to go, and signed off, not wanting anyone to see me cry. I closed my computer and laid my head down on my arms, sobbing.

He was right- I got want I wanted. But why did it feel so shitty?

-0-

Mudrock was able to get the ball rolling on this song even sooner than I expected, and even convinced the band to let me produce the song with him. Two days after talking with Brian I was in the studio, waiting for the arrival of the band.

They were extremely kind and excited to get to work. We had them in the largest booth to record a demo of them singing together and playing at the same time, and as soon as the song started, a chill ran through my body. They were perfect, giving the song the exact vibe I wanted it to have. The whole moment was surreal. I never imagined how amazing it would feel to see someone singing one of my songs. But I was filled with sadness as well, remembering the circumstances of why this song was written and how it was recorded.

I thought of Brian as they sang, how we started and how we ended. I don’t love you, but I always will. The line fit at the beginning and it fit now. No matter how hard I tried to forget, to put the pain behind me, I loved him. Seeing them sing the song brought tears to my eyes; tears of happiness and sadness mixed into one.

I applauded when they were done, letting the tears fall. I played it off as excitement, telling them I was so honored to have them sing my song because it was true. I just didn’t want to show them the entire truth.

“I can take it from here,” Mudrock told me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“No, I want to help,” I said. “It was just overwhelming for a minute. I’m ready.”

“It gets easier,” he said softly, giving my shoulder a squeeze before moving to get back to work.

I hoped he was right. I hated feeling this way all of the time, like no matter what I did I was just fucking up anyways. I needed to prove to Brian and myself that I made the right decision. This feeling of pride and excitement is what I needed to focus on, not sadness and loneliness. Maybe it would get easier, maybe not. But I was determined to pick myself up and try my best anyways.


	27. Dear God

Another two weeks went by and my life stayed the same. I spent the majority of my time at the studio, but when I wasn’t there, I was often at parties trying to take my mind off of things. I hated being alone in my apartment, so typically I was only there to sleep and get ready in the morning.

I had went on a date with the guy at the beach, Mark. We had decided to just do lunch at a local restaurant near the beach, which reminded me of my first date with Brian. Mark was extremely sweet, complimenting me as soon as I walked through the door. But so many things about him reminded me of Brian. He had tattoos, played guitar, and had a quirky sense of humor. I had a nice date with him, but the whole time all I could think about was how he reminded me of Brian. I decided it wasn’t healthy and haven’t responded to any of his calls or texts.

I hadn’t talked with Andi and the guys much in that time, still feeling hurt from the last conversation. I didn’t want anyone to pity me or ask me if I was okay, either; it honestly just made me feel worse. I would text Andi here and there so she knew I was fine, but I was keeping my distance for the moment otherwise.

Mudrock getting me set up with The Civil Wars really helped kickstart my career in song writing. I had already been contacted by another group, Dorothy, about the song Woman that I had written after the breakup. Mudrock had helped me with this too. It was crazy how fast my life was changing.

I wasn’t able to help produce that song since the band already worked with someone else, but they let me listen to the demo. The whole time I listened, I felt mixed emotions. I was excited to hear her sing my song, her voice way more powerful than my own, and I loved the vibe they gave the song. But hearing the words made me relive why I wrote them, causing me to feel sadness as I listened. Regardless, I was excited to keep writing and spent tons of time at the studio working on my own stuff as well as with other bands.

The only place I felt truly happy was at work. There I could forget everything and just focus on making music. I had finished up the album with Paramore, which resulted in a huge party (where I didn’t hook up with anyone, thank goodness), and was now giving most of my attention to Good Charlotte as we worked on their new record. Working with them was a slower process, and they didn’t have all of their songs ready, but I still enjoyed working with the guys. They were all so nice and had great ideas for their music.

We had been working on their song The World is Black when their singer Joel brought up some ideas about the record, surprising me.

“I want to collab with another group for one of these songs,” he said as we wrapped up what we were working on to take our lunch break.

“That would be rad,” he twin brother Benji said.

“Rosie, you know a lot of bands,” Joel said then and I nodded in return. “Maybe you could set us up with someone.”

“It would be better to do it with people we know and are friends with, though. Don’t you think?” asked Billy, their lead guitarist.

“Yeah. Hey, what about Avenged Sevenfold? We know them, they’re cool, and Rosie has worked with them before,” Benji mentioned, his eyes lighting up. “How fucking sweet would it be to have Synyster Gates shredding on our album? No offense, Billy.”

Billy laughed and said, “None taken. You’re right. What do you think, Rosie?”

I bit my lip, not wanting to say what I really was thinking, which was that I didn’t want any part of helping Avenged Sevenfold record a song. But, instead I said, “Whatever you guys think. We’d have to see if they’d be willing to do it. They are on tour now so it might be tricky getting them here to do it.”

“We know them and all, but we don’t have their numbers or anything. Maybe you could call?” Joel asked.

“I’ll give you Matt’s number. He wouldn’t mind if you just called. But if I talk to him in the meantime I’ll make sure to bring it up,” I said, trying to get myself off the hook.

“That would be awesome, thanks girl,” Benji said, giving me a hug.

The rest of the day went off without a hitch and we continued recording their new record. They were a lot of fun to work with and it was easy to take my mind off of Avenged Sevenfold as soon as we got back to work. In the back of my mind, though, I hoped that they would say no to the collaboration idea.

I went home after that since there were no parties to go to and I was too tired to go to the beach. Most days I would spend my evenings hanging out at random parties or at the beach, avoiding my empty apartment. But days like today, where I was exhausted beyond belief, I went straight home with the intention of sleeping right away.

Before I could make it to my bedroom, though, I heard my computer beeping with the sound of a Skype call. Though I was tired, I figured I should take the call since it had been a week since I had seen Andi last. I sat at the table and answered, but to my surprise it wasn’t Andi- it was Matt.

“Oh, hey!” I said. “I was expecting Andi.”

“Yeah, sorry. I used her account since I don’t have my own. How are you?” he asked.

“I’m doing well. Really busy,” I said, trying to sound confident. “You?”

“Pretty much the same,” he started. “So I called because I wanted to talk to you about Syn.”

“Matt-” I started.

“No, hear me out, Rosie,” he interrupted. “I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but I’ve been thinking about it for a few days and I really just need to tell you.”

“Is he okay?” I asked, worried about the tone of his voice.

“Probably as okay as you are, honestly. He buries himself in his work to hide the fact that he is unhappy. He’s quieter than usual, I guess kind of pensive. And he’s been writing more than ever before. That’s why I called, actually.”

“Oh,” I said, kind of surprised.

“He wrote a new song, which we all love and already know is going to be on our next record. It’s a lot different from any of our others that we’ve done before. But the thing is, Rosie, is that it’s about you. He didn’t say it outright, but there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s about you.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” I said with a laugh, my nerves getting the best of me.

“Well, that depends on how you take it,” he said with a smile. “If you don’t mind, I could sing it for you.”

I bit my lip, not sure if I even wanted to hear it. But at least it would be Matt singing it to me instead of Brian. But knowing that it was still his words… I knew I had to listen. I nodded to Matt and he smiled, shifting to grab the guitar next to him.

“Alright, it’s not perfect yet and I’m still trying to figure out stylistic things. So don’t mind if I mess up here and there,” he said.

“I won’t even notice,” I said softly. “Before you start, is he there? Would he be mad at us for this?”

“No one’s here. They’re all out at the bars. Except Val, she’s sleeping. He doesn’t know, but I don’t care if he gets mad.”

I nodded. “Okay. As long as you think it’s important.”

“It is. You ready?” he asked and I nodded in return.

As soon as Matt started to play a smile came to my face as I noticed the hint to country music. I thought about us joking about it in the car and how I argued about how important it was to music, and how he didn’t even like it. But here Matt was, singing this “country” song.

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line  
Miles away from those I love purpose undefined  
While I recall all the words you spoke to me  
Can't help but wish that I was there  
And where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is  
To hold her when I'm not around  
When I'm much too far away  
We all need that person who can be true to you  
But I left her when I found her  
And now I wish I'd stayed  
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired  
I'm missing you again oh no  
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road  
There's no one here while the city sleeps  
And all the shops are closed  
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you  
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around  
When I'm much too far away  
We all need that person who can be true to you  
I left her when I found her  
And now I wish I'd stayed  
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired  
I'm missing you again oh no  
Once again

Some search, never finding a way  
Before long, they waste away  
I found you, something told me to stay  
I gave in, to selfish ways  
And how I miss someone to hold  
When hope begins to fade

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line  
Miles away from those I love purpose undefined

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around  
When I'm much too far away  
We all need the person who can be true to you  
I left her when I found her  
And now I wish I'd stayed  
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired  
I'm missing you again oh no  
Once again

As soon as he had started singing I had tears streaming down my face, and though I tried to hide it at first, by the end of the song I was practically bawling. The song was so beautiful and I felt so many emotions all wrapped up in one. Guilt, sadness, understanding, and anger. I felt guilty for leaving him and staying behind, making him feel this way. I felt sad for the both of us, knowing that we were heartbroken. I understood where he was coming from and felt the words deeply. But I also felt anger. I felt angry at myself for throwing away the best relationship I ever had, but also angry at him. Clearly from his words he had known he was selfish, leaving me here. And the lines where he said he’d wished he’d stayed… I couldn’t help but cry.

I tried to wipe my tears as he finished and put the guitar aside, but they just kept coming. I croaked, “I’m sorry,” to him.

“Don’t be sorry, Rosie,” he said softly. “I don’t blame you.”

“Shit,” I said with a sigh. “I can’t believe he wrote me a fucking country song.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I said this, wiping away the final tears from my eyes.

“He mentioned something about that. An inside joke?” Matt asked.

“Yeah,” I told him. “I can’t lie, I loved the song.”

“I’m glad. We all liked it too. All of us could relate to aspects of it, but we knew why he wrote it.”

“I don’t know what to feel. I have so many emotions right now. I wish I could talk to him without him trying to shut me out and be cold to me,” I admitted.

“Yeah, I know. I tried to tell him not to be like that last time when you called to ask him about the song, but he didn’t listen. It’s just his way of coping, I guess.”

I nodded, knowing that it was reasonable. “What should I do?” I asked him, totally at a loss.

He shrugged then said, “I don’t know, Rosie. What you do with this is up to you. I just felt like you had the right to hear the song. I debated on whether or not I should tell you because I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel guilty and sad. And my intention wasn’t just to make you want to get back together with him. But I couldn’t not tell you. He’s one of my best friends and he’s hurting, you know? He loves you, and I know you love him. Part of me selfishly wants you to just come here and be with him. I just don’t know if that will work.”

I bit my lip again and nodded. “I was convinced that I needed to stay here and work on my writing and producing. And I’ve been successful so far- I’ve sold a song, worked with new bands, and taken a leading role in much of the production. But every day when I get home, I don’t feel happy. I just keep telling myself that it’s because the breakup was recent, but it’s been over a month and I feel just as shitty as I did the first day after.”

“So what do you want to do?” he asked.

I sighed and said, “I don’t know yet. I need to think.”

He nodded. “Hey, I’m sorry if this made you upset. I just couldn’t keep this to myself.”

“I understand,” I said, not totally sure if I was happy to know this yet or not. Part of me was happy to hear Brian’s words, but part of me wish I hadn’t at all.

“Rosie, just know that no matter what, we all care about you. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“I will. Thanks, Matt,” I said with a small smile.

We hung up there and I sat staring at the blank screen at a total loss of what to do. Part of me wanted to pack my bags and go and see him right now, letting myself fall into his arms again. But the other part of me fought against the urge, knowing that it wasn’t logical and practical to leave my life here for him. That was the whole reason why we broke up in the first place, after all.

I thought about the words of the song again and I thought about Brian writing them. I knew that him being here with me wasn’t an option- his career required him to be on the road. And it would be insane of me to expect him to quit his amazing job of being a rock star to stay here and have a boring life with me. But knowing that part of him wished he had just stayed so that we could be together gave me some hope. It made me feel like he wasn’t as selfish as I had thought he was, that he really did understand why I wanted to stay behind.

Brian was never a religious man, and hearing the words Dear God surprised me, as I had never seen him pray or go to church or anything like that. But knowing the he felt this lonely and that he missed me enough to write this song that sounded like a prayer really stuck with me.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, totally confused as to what to do. I wanted to stay and work, writing and producing to become super successful. It’s something I had always dreamed of. But when I got my first taste of it, it wasn’t as satisfying as I would have hoped. The whole time I heard them sing Poison and Wine, I thought of Brian. At first I thought it was because he sang it with me, but then it happened again with Woman. I was so happy to hear another one of my songs, but it just reminded me of Brian and the heartbreak I felt about what happened with us.

All of this made me wonder- why am I doing this to myself? I gave up the love of my life for my career. And now this career wasn’t making me feel the way I thought. I was lonely and tired, just like he was. I missed him and wished I had just gone with him…

And with that, I knew what I had to do.


	28. Reunited

I stood in a small, messy dressing room, desperately wanting to pace back and forth but there wasn’t much room to do so. I looked at myself in the mirror for the hundredth time, making sure my lipstick looked good and my curls were still intact. I took a deep breath, nerves bundling in my stomach as I waited.

Part of me couldn’t believe that I was here; the last 24 hours had been a total whirlwind. As soon as I hung up with Matt the other night I knew that I couldn’t just sit around and mope about my fate any longer. After hearing that song, I felt compelled to run to him, tell him I’m sorry, and to feel his lips on mine again. So that’s what I planned.

I had packed a bag, got in the car, and drove to Sacramento, where the guys would be playing their next show. During my drive I had called Andi, asking her all of the details of where the guys would be tomorrow night and where I should stay. She even helped me out my booking me a room in their same hotel. Filled with nerves and excitement, I made the six hour drive, only stopping once to get there as soon as I could.

The whole ride there I refused to let myself feel any doubts. Deep down I knew this is what I needed to do. I had been miserable at home and I needed happiness in my life again. Nonetheless, worry crept into my mind as I thought about Brian’s reaction to what I was doing. Would he be happy to see me? Or was he too angry still?

I had got to the hotel at 5am, tired beyond belief. I checked in snuck up to my room, making sure that no one would see me. After putting down my things I laid on the big bed, drifting off to sleep almost immediately. Andi had knocked on my door the following day at noon, waking me up from my deep slumber.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she had said, hugging me as soon as I opened the door.

“Me neither,” I told her honestly with a chuckle.

“Are you doing okay? What can I do to help?” she asked, walking inside and sitting on the unmade bed.

“I’m nervous, but I know I’m doing the right thing. I just need you to help me set this up.”

She told me what the plan for the day was, where they would be each hour of the day, and together we made a plan. They had a show tonight at seven, where they were one of the openers for a bigger rock band. It had been a huge opportunity for them, and Larry had made sure to have them open with this band whenever they were in California.

So that was why I was waiting backstage in Brian’s dressing room, anxiously waiting for their set to end. Andi told me that their last song would be Unholy Confessions, so as each song passed by, I would desperately hope that the next one would be the last. I could hear the muffled songs in the background as I leaned against the door, biting my lip in nervousness.

Finally, I heard the opening riffs of one of my favorite songs through the door and instantly I felt sick, knowing that he would be back here within minutes. I moved away from the door, again looking into the mirror, making sure I looked as good as I possibly could. I wore my tight black and white striped dress with a denim button up shirt and heeled booties. I had curled my hair and put on red lipstick, but I was still worried that I hadn’t done enough.

I needed this to go perfectly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I needed to appear confident and sexy, not scared and timid. I leaned against the vanity with my back to the mirror, staring at the door as I waited for it to open.

The song came to an end and I could hear the cheers of the crowd. I knew the boys would stay on stage for a bit, throwing picks to people in the pit before heading out to help the Berry’s pack up their stuff. The minutes went by and felt like hours as I waited, anxious to see him after all this time.

I heard voices outside the door and I perked up, knowing that any second now he’d be in front of me. Andi had assured me that only Brian would use this room and that the other guys all had their own little nook to retreat to after the show. She let Zack in on our plan so that he would make sure Brian would come to me after the show, rather than off to a party immediately or to another room.

“Go clean yourself, Gates. Jesus Christ! You fucking stink,” I heard Zack say, making me smile. A moment later the doorknob turned.

He took two steps into the room before halting to a stop, staring straight into my eyes. The door slowly shut behind him and it was as if the world around us disappeared.

“Rosie?” he whispered, stepping closer to me. He looked incredible with his spiky black hair, torn black t-shirt and tight ripped jeans. He was sweaty, but oddly it turned me on, knowing it was because he just played a show.

“Hey,” I said awkwardly, the speech I had planned in my mind disappearing. Just seeing him here felt surreal and I didn’t know what to do or say.

“You’re here,” he simply stated, clearly in a state of shock.

I laughed and moved away from the vanity, taking a step closer to him so that we were practically touching. He reached out and brushed my hair behind my ear, as if the only way he could believe I was here was by touching me.

“I’m here,” I said softly, grabbing his hand. I held it at my side before I said, “I missed you.”

He chuckled and looked down, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

I didn’t feel like explaining why I was here or what my intention were right now. All I wanted was for his lips to be on mine. I took that final step closer to him and put my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me as I crashed my lips upon his. Immediately his tongue entered my mouth and I moaned, missing the taste of his tongue. His hands snaked around my waist as he pushed me towards the vanity. He lifted me so that I was sitting on it and he moved close, his groin brushing against my own as my legs wrapped around his torso.

His hands roamed up my bare legs, pushing up my dress out of the way. Without hesitation his hand was against my panties and I cried out as he touched me, already filled with an overwhelming sense of ecstasy. As he continued to kiss me he slipped a finger under the fabric, rubbing it against my clit, causing my body to shake. He slipped two fingers inside of me and I cried out, breaking away from his kisses.

“God I missed the way you feel,” Brian said gruffly as he leaned in against my neck, gently kissing it as he moved his fingers. I gripped the back of his head, pulling him away from my neck so I could kiss him again.

“I need you,” I said desperately after I moved away. I even grabbed at his wrist, pulling him out of me to show him I wanted more.

Brian unzipped his pants and pulled off my underwear, slipping himself inside of me in one swift motion. He held my hips as he fucked me, my head banging against the mirror with each thrust. I was practically screaming in pleasure, unable to contain how good it felt to have him inside of me again. I kept my legs wrapped around him and moved my hands under me to support me as he pushed inside of me.

“Fuck, Rosie,” Brian said, looking me in the eye. He moved a hand to my face, brushing his fingers against my lips before placing his hand behind my neck.

“Brian!” I yelled out, feeling myself come close to climax. I moved one of my hands to my clit, rubbing it in rhythm with his thrusts and within moments I came, my whole body shaking.

When I came down from my high, Brian slipped out of me and pulled me off the vanity, flipping me around so I was leaning over it and facing the mirror. He grabbed my ass and lifted me a bit so I was on my tip toes and glided himself back inside of me. He grabbed my hips again as he moved, looking at himself in the mirror. Seeing him fuck me from behind in the mirror sent me over the edge and right away I felt myself clench around his cock, not able to hold back how hot he made me feel. His own orgasm followed my own and his hands gripped my hips so hard I swear I would have bruises.

He stayed there for a moment to catch his breath before pulling out of me. I slowly stood and adjusted my dress, turning to face him. The two of us panting merely stared at each other, at a loss of what to say. Eventually I laughed, putting my face in my hands. He joined my laughter as he got dressed.

“You and I can’t be in the same room without fucking,” he joked, shaking his head.

“That’s not what I planned, but I’m not complaining,” I told him honestly. I found my underwear finally and slipped them back on.

There was a small couch against the wall and Brian sat down. I followed suit, sitting right next to him before he said, “You had something planned?”

I laughed and said, “Kind of. As soon as you walked through the door everything I had planned to say disappeared from my mind. But I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Rosie-” he began to say, but I cut him off.

“No, listen. I don’t regret what happened between us. I think I needed to stay behind to learn what I wanted. I would have always wondered ‘what if’ otherwise, you know?” He nodded and I continued, “The whole time you were gone all I could think about was you. With every band I worked with I wondered what you were working on yourself. Every song I wrote was about you. Every time a new band would want one of my songs, you’re the first person I wanted to tell. Asking you about Poison and Wine was the worst, Brian. I wanted to celebrate with you, not fight with you. Even though I was accomplishing all I wanted, it didn’t even matter because I couldn’t share it with you.”

I took a moment to catch my breath, my words having spilled out of me a mile a minute. I moved closer to him and held his hands. “Brian,” I started again, “part of me stayed because I was too stubborn to realize what I need. My whole life I’ve always thought I had to do everything on my own. But when Matt called me yesterday, I knew I needed to come.”

“Matt called you?” he asked, clearly unsure of how that related.

“Don’t be mad,” I said, “but Matt called me to tell me about a song you wrote. He sang it to me. Your country song.”

He smiled a little bit and looked away, clearly embarrassed. “That bastard.”

“I wouldn’t be here right now if I hadn’t heard that song, Bri. Matt knew I needed to hear it.”

Brian sighed and said, “It is how I felt, Rosie. Even though I knew it was impossible, all I’ve wanted these past months is to leave the band to be with you. I don’t know what we could have done to make the past any better, but all I know is that every day that went by without you got worse and worse. And so one day, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I wrote you a fucking country song.”

I laughed and moved to his lap, straddling him on the couch. “I loved it,” I said softly before leaning down to kiss him.

Brian put his hands around my hips, resting them above my butt. He gave a gently squeezed and winked before saying, “I’m glad, baby. It brought you back to me.”

“And I ain’t leavin’,” I said, snuggling into his arms. This is where I was meant to be.


	29. The Tour Life

We stayed there for a moment, wrapped in each other’s arms, letting the moment settle in our minds. Regardless of what just happened, this whole night had felt surreal, but I was so happy that I made the choice to do this. None of the successes I had recently had compared to the happiness I felt by just being in his arms.

A knock on the door was the only thing that broke me from him embrace. I got up from his lap and he walked to the door, opening it and crossing his arms at the sight of Johnny standing there.

“Are you two done fucking yet?” he asked crudely with a grin on his face.

“What the fuck do you want?” Brian asked, not in the mood.

“Damn, okay! I just wanted to tell you we’re tired of waiting for you two love birds and we’re heading out to the party now.”

Zacky appeared then, panting slightly as if he had just ran to catch up with Johnny. “Sorry, dude,” he said. “I tried to tell him to let you guys be.”

“It’s fine,” I said, walking over to the door. “What party?”

“The guys of Bad Religion are throwing on,” Johnny said. “To celebrate how much we kicked ass tonight.”

“As if they need a reason to celebrate,” I teased, knowing damn well that they would’ve partied tonight even if the show had sucked.

“Do you want to come?” Johnny asked us after chuckling at my joke.

“No,” Brian said before I could answer. “Go away.”

He shut the door in their face and I laughed before saying, “That was not necessary.”

“I have better things to do tonight than go to another party,” Brian said, walking over to me. He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips, arms slinking around my waist.

“I have a hotel room,” I said softly, biting my lip.

“Let’s go,” he said, pulling me out of the room.

We got to the hotel as fast as we could in my car, the sexual tension between us beating like a drum the whole way there. We practically ran to my room, unable to hold back. As soon as we walked through the threshold of the room he pounced, attacking my lips with his own. I moved us to the bed, letting myself fall onto it. Brian moved up, stripping off his t-shirt and jeans, not wasting any time. I took off my shirt and dress and kicked off my boots, but before I could take off more, Brian stopped me with an intense kiss.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said after he broke away, his eyes moving up and down along my body.

I bit my lip and moved myself to lay on the pillows, winking and Brian. He grinned and crawled over to me, resting himself in between my legs as we started kissing again. I could feel him become excited against my panties as we kissed, our hands roaming each other’s sides. Eventually I arched my back and he broke our kiss, moving to take off my panties.

I shifted myself on the bed so I was no longer laying down and pushed Brian towards the pillows. He leaned against them so that he was still sitting, but that was just what I wanted. I slipped off his boxers and crawled towards his lap, kissing the tip of his shaft. Immediately he moaned and I felt myself getting wet from the sound. Wanting to hear it again, I took him into my mouth, moving up and down to get it wet before I placed my hand at the base. I moved my hand up and down in the same rhythm as I moved my head and Brian groaned, his hips buckling slightly at the sensation. I had to pull back so I wouldn’t gag, but after a moment I continued, this time letting my hands gingerly touch his balls.

“Fuck,” he whispered, practically whimpering. “Rosie, stop.”

I pulled away from him and straighten myself up so I was kneeling in front of him. “Are you sure?”

“If you don’t I’m going to cum and I really don’t want to do that yet,” he said in between deep breaths.

I grinned at him and crawled towards him, moving to straddle his lap. “Good idea,” I whispered in his ear, gently biting the lobe after.

He sighed in pleasure and I lowered myself onto him, wet from earlier. Everytime he moaned I got wetter and wetter; I couldn’t get enough of the sound. I pumped myself slowly onto his cock, leaning myself to feel him as deeply as possible. Brian put a hand on the back of my head, pulling me towards him into a kiss. I slowly shifted my hips as we kissed, moaning into it as Brian’s fingers drifted over to my clit.

I broke apart from him and moaned his name softly, closing my eyes at the touch. I moved faster now, feeling myself get close. Hearing Brian say, “Come on, baby. Cum for me,” is what finally sent me over the edge. I gripped at his shoulders as I came, screaming out in pure pleasure.

Brian didn’t hesitate and flipped me onto my back so that we were laying sideways on the bed. Still coming down from my high, Brian slipped into me, thrusting quickly. My back arched and my body shook as he fucked me, all of the sensations too much for my body. Before I got to the point where I could no longer take it, I felt him slow on top of me, reaching his own climax. Brian called out my name as he came, his body shaking in a ripple of ecstasy.

He fell beside me onto the bed, our feet dangling off the side as we laid there panting. After a moment I couldn’t help but laugh a bit, feeling purely giddy over what was happening.

“What?” he said, turning to me.

“I don’t know,” I said as my laughter subsided. “I guess I’m just so happy. And laughing at myself for ever thinking I could live without that.”

Brian laughed in return. “You are crazy, baby.”

I jokingly punched him in the arm, then moved myself so I could lay down on the pillows. Brian followed suit after cleaning himself up a bit, lifting the covers over us both. He draped an arm around me and pulled me close.

“This is how I want every night to be, Rosie,” he said softly, kissing me on the forehead. “As much as I love partying and hanging out with the guys, this is how I want every night to end. You here in bed with me.”

I kissed his cheek and said, “Me too, baby.”

“So does this mean you’re really going to come on tour with us?” Brian said, still unsure of where we stood.

“I have to figure out some things at home, but yeah, I’d like to do that. I guess I jumped the gun a bit coming here, but after I heard Dear God I had to. I couldn’t mope around at home any more missing you,” I told him.

“I’m glad you did,” he said, kissing me. “What all do you have to do at home?”

“I am right in the middle of a project with Good Charlotte,” I admitted, biting my lip. “I’ll have to find them another producer.”

“Will they get mad, though?” Brian said, worried.

“You know what?” I started, coming up with an idea. “They told me they wanted to do a collaboration with another band. Maybe if I could have you guys do a song with them, they would forgive me for leaving part way through the record.”

Brian looked pensive for a moment, considering the idea. “I’ll bring it up with everyone.”  
“Thanks, Brian,” I said. “I’d hate to leave them hanging otherwise. All of my other projects are wrapping up so I can either finish them myself or tell someone else what to do. I guess I’ll probably have to go back home for about a week.”

“Okay,” he said softly as he began to run his hand through my hair. “I can live with a week.”

“You’ll have to,” I teased. “You know me- I can’t just walk away without taking care of things.”

“I know, baby. I don’t expect you to do that,” he said.

“I should’ve taken care of it all before I came,” I admitted softly, feeling foolish.

“No, I’m glad you came now. I don’t know if I could have gone another night without my Rose.”

I smiled and kissed him, nuzzling myself at his side. In moments I could feel his heavy breathing and it put me to sleep.

-0-

The next morning I woke up in a daze, not remembering where I was right away. It wasn’t until I stretched and felt Brian against my back that I realized where I was. The events of the night before came flashing back into my mind and I smiled. I rolled over to face him, seeing that he was still asleep, and put my arm around him.

He stirred abit when he felt my presence and slowly his eyes opened. As soon as he saw me he grinned and he put his arm around me, pulling me close. We kissed softly and laid in silence for a moment longer before Brian’s phone began to ring. He rolled his eyes and shifted to grab the phone from the night stand, groggily answering with a hello.

“Oh shit,” he said after a moment, sitting up. “We overslept.”

He continued listening on the phone for a moment before getting out of the bed all together, searching for his clothes. I enjoyed the view as he scrambled to get dressed as he talked on the phone. He motioned for me to get up and get moving, a frantic look on his face, so I did as I was told, getting out of the bed and moving towards my suitcase.

When he hung up I asked, “What’s going on?”

“We have to do an interview this afternoon before getting ready for the next show,” he said, looking for his shoes.

I looked over to the clock, seeing that it was already eleven. “Shit, I haven’t slept this late in a long time.”  
“Yeah, me neither,” he said. “Not a good day for it though.”

“Should I stay here?” I asked, not sure what to do in this situation.

“No, come with me,” he said, stopping to walk over to me. He leaned down and kissed me before saying, “I have to go to my room to get ready. I’ll meet you down in the lobby in twenty minutes?”

“Okay,” I said. I kissed his cheek and he was off, running to his own room.

I quickly jumped in the shower to wash my body then got dressed, choosing jeans and a simple tank top with Vans slip on shoes. I fixed up my makeup and grabbed my bag to head to the lobby. When I got there, all of the band members were there, waiting for me and the other girls to arrive.

Val came down shortly after, and without hesitation ran to me, yelling my name. She wrapped me in a tight embrace, swaying back and forth in excitement. She said, “I am so glad you are here,” in my ear and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I missed you,” I said as we broke our embrace. She nodded in agreement, but before we could continue speaking, Matt pulled us back towards the boys.

“We gotta go,” he said. We nodded and followed along, walking towards their bus.

I don’t know what I expected, but their tour bus was a lot bigger than I expected. There was a couch on the one side of the bus and a table on the other, and towards the back there were bunks for everyone to sleep. It was a little cramped, but it was enough space for the band and one or two other people.

We all sat around the front part of the bus, some of us on the couch or bench, and some of us at the table. I sat with Brian and Jimmy at the corner of the table. Jimmy snuggled into my shoulder and I laughed, missing his company. Everyone else had already known I would be there, but they were excited all the same; they told me they missed me and were glad I finally decided to come with them. I explained how it was temporary for now and that I’d have to go back home for a bit, but would join back with them right after.

We drove off to the site of their next Warped Tour show, which was still in town so it did not take us long to get there. They were going to interview with a local radio show before their set later today. As soon as we got there the boys took off, leaving me behind with Val and Andi. They pulled me aside, explaining how the day would go.

“Usually when they interview we just walk around and see other bands,” Val said. “But before they go on stage we try and work the merch booth for a bit to help them sell things.”  
I nodded, deciding to just go with the flow today so I could figure out how things went on tour. It was all a whirlwind of people going in a million directions at once, so I tried my best but I felt like a chicken with her head cut off. Andi and Val were naturals though. We watched a few bands that I had never heard of, which was fun, but tiring. Then we went to the booth, where I helped hand out t-shirts and things while the other two handled the money and inventory. It was crazy, but also exciting to see the band doing so well.

Eventually we were able to leave the booth to go watch the guys play, but unfortunately we missed the beginning of their set. Being with the band, we were able to move to the backstage area to see them up close. We came in to see them playing Bat Country, which reminded me back of when I first met the band back at the studio. It was amazing watching them on stage and so cool to see how many people were rocking along with them. My gaze followed Brian the entire time and I could feel myself becoming so turned on by every guitar solo.

Since it was a festival, they only played a 30 minute set since they weren’t the headliners, but it was still amazing. The crowdsurfing and mosh pits were wild, and I couldn’t help but laugh from the people watching. I loved being part of this family!

Brian ran off stage and found me right away, picking me up and swinging me around. “FUCK YEAH!” he yelled, excited from the show.

“You were amazing, baby,” I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“This is IT, Rosie. How we feel right now? This is the most amazing thing. You are HERE WITH ME!” he said, shouting it to the rafters, making me laugh. He leaned down to me and kissed me hard, pulling me close. “I love you, Rosie. God I love you.”

“I love you too, Brian.”


	30. Fired

The drive back to Huntington was depressing; as soon as I got back in the car I missed him. I knew it wouldn’t be for long, and that I had to go back to take care of things, but I hated having to leave him again. I was just glad that he understood why I had to do this.

The night after I saw their show had been amazing. We watched other bands, partied with them, and retired back to our hotel, where Brian and I wrapped ourselves within each other as many times as we could. We woke up naked, sticking to each other, but not caring about it at all. It was amazing just to wake up in his arms again.

The group was leaving that day to head to their next tour destination in Wheatland, California, which was in the northern part of the the state. The plan was for me to fly to their destination whenever I was ready to go back. So I was hoping to finish quickly to have the quick flight there, instead of their next destination in Salt Lake City. Regardless, I needed to take care of business.

I got home late and crashed, letting myself sleep of the stress of the long drive. When I woke up the next morning I felt strange, knowing that I was at home but I was still expecting to wake up with Brian next to me. Having him away from me, even for this short amount of time, was motivation for me to get the ball rolling.

I called Mudrock as soon as I was awake enough to talk on the phone, explaining my situation to him. He understood, said he would have done the same thing, and told me who to call next. I figured I owed my boss an explanation, and that I should do it in person, so I got dressed and headed to the headquarters of the recording business.

When I got there, I spoke to the receptionist, who instructed me to wait until he was ready to see me. It had been a long time since I had even seen my boss, so I felt nervous waiting for him there. He was kind of an odd man, who often made me feel uncomfortable with passive aggressive, sexist comments. He told me at the beginning he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hire me because he had never had a female producer before. Ever since then, I avoided the guy. I didn’t know how long he would take, but within a few minutes, he called me back to his office.

“Rosie,” he said, motioning for me to sit in the chair across from his desk. “What brings you here today?”

“Well, sir,” I said nervously, biting my lip. “You know that I had recently worked with Avenged Sevenfold for their latest record.”

He nodded. “Yes. You don’t have to call me sir, you know.”

“Right, sorry, David,” I said, shifting in my chair. “Well, anyways, I had become friends with the band through this process. And they want me to join them on tour to work with them.” I knew I was fibbing, but I didn’t want him to make comments about me quitting because of my boyfriend.

“So you’re quitting?” he asked as he leaned back in his chair.

“Not exactly,” I said softly. “I would like to stay with the company. I really love working here. I just want to take some time to go on tour with the band, then work again when I am back. I guess I would be part time, or freelance. I just didn’t know if that would work for you and the company.”

He furrowed his brows for a moment, thinking about my proposal. He cleared his throat and said, “Well, Rosie, this does come as a surprise. I didn’t think a girl like you would want to drop her career for some guys in a mediocre rock band.”

I bit my lip, forcing myself not to say anything rude back to him. I needed to play nice to get what I wanted.

“But I don’t want to lose you as a producer. You are actually one of the best I’ve got, which I didn’t think would happen when I hired you,” he said laughing. I felt my gut clench in anger. “So we can make this work. You’ll work for me when you’re in town. As long as you don’t work for any other producing company while you’re away. If I find out that you are, I will fire you immediately.”

I nodded. “Thank you, David. I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

“Of course you do. I do have one condition though,” he said with a smirk on his face.

“What’s that?” I asked, ignoring the fact that this would actually be a second condition.

“If I do this favor for you, you’re going to have to do a favor for me,” he said in almost a whisper. He got out of his chair and moved over to sit next to me. Slowly, and somewhat unsure of himself, he placed a hand on my knee. “Do you understand?”

Unfortunately I did understand. I felt disgusted, appalled by the audacity of this man to even suggest something so awful. So I said, “And if I deny this condition.”

“Then consider yourself fired. I cannot have someone working for me who does not do what I ask,” he said, keeping his hand on my leg.

I jumped out of the chair before his hand could reach any hire. “Fire me, then. You’re disgusting.”

“Get out of my office. I’ll mail your last check tomorrow.”

I walked out, slamming the door behind me. My whole body shook as I walked out of the building and tears ran down my face. I was afraid something like this would happen, which was one of the reasons why I didn’t go with Brian the first time around. But I knew that it wasn’t right to work for a man like that. I did the right thing, it just felt so shitty. I debated for a long time whether or not I should go back in and call him out on his shit, call the cops, or file some sort of report. But I decided it wasn't worth it.

Once I calmed down, I called Joel Madden to ask if he and the rest of Good Charlotte could meet me down at the studio. I still had my key; David was too pissed off to follow through with his firing, so I still had access to the place. Joel agreed and offered to meet me right away.

I beat them to the studio and opened it up, glad that no one else was using it currently. I went to the back room while I waited, collecting my favorite guitar. It technically wasn’t mine, but I didn’t care. Once I told Mudrock what happened, he wouldn't care either. He knew I loved that guitar and he hated David too.

The guys came in a few minutes later and I had them sit around the table in the kitchen with me. Taking a deep breath, I began to explain, “I have some bad news.”

“What happened?” Joel interjected immediately.

“I was fired today,” I said with a sigh, trying to keep calm.

“What the fuck? How could that possibly happen?” Benji asked me.

I explained the whole story to them, how I was going to go on tour, and what David did. I did not care if that made the company look bad, I just wanted them to understand.

“What a fucker!” Joel yelled. “I don’t want to give any of my fucking money to that dick.”

“Me neither,” Benji agreed. The others nodded along, also upset.

“Now listen,” I said. “I can’t tell you what to do. Mudrock and Fred are both fabulous producers who would do an amazing job on your record. And being halfway through it would make it a hard transition to leave. You’d be in good hands if you stayed, at least for this album. And you never really have to talk with David until the very end. You think about it, though; it’s your decision. I also have some good news for you, though.”

“Thank God,” Billy, the lead guitarist, said with a laugh.

“I walked with Brian, or uh, Synyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold,” I said.

“Your boyfriend,” Joel teased.

“Well, yeah,” I said with a laugh. “Anyways, he said he was interested in the collaboration you mentioned. He’s going to talk about it with the rest of the guys. And they all know and love Mudrock and Fred too, so they can help make it happen. There’s a few more tour dates in California next month, so they could possibly work it out then.”

“That’s awesome!” Joel said. “We already started writing a song with them in mind. We’re not sure if we’ll have it on this record or the next one, but either way, we want to do this.”

“Great,” I said. “I’ll make sure to have them contact you.”

We all chatted for a bit longer, but before long we decided to head out. I promised to give Mudrock a call and schedule times for them to work with him, then they left. I stayed there a while, making a phone call to Mudrock to explain what happened and to go over what bands I would be leaving. We worked out a schedule amongst him and Fred, then I make calls to all of the bands I had been working with.

I finished everything I needed to in one day, which felt amazing. I went home exhausted, but excited at the same time, knowing that in a short period of time I would be with Brian again and all of this would be worth it. I couldn’t lie; I was pissed about getting fired. And I felt horrible about it. But I knew I had to do it. Jobs come and go, but I couldn’t sacrifice the love of my life to work for that douche bag any longer.

I spent the next day cleaning the apartment, wanting it to be spotless for whenever I returned. I had to clean out my fridge and the kitchen, knowing the place would reek otherwise. And of course the dreaded call to the landlord, who said I could mail him checks every month instead of paying in person. After that I packed for the trip, which took quite a long time. Another day passed, and I was getting anxious.

Before I went to bed I went online to buy a plane ticket for my trip back, praying I would get lucky enough to be able to go the next day. There was one flight, but it was a little ways away from where they would be staying. I called Brian then to make sure he could pick me up.

“Tomorrow, are you sure? You have everything done?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m sorry I haven’t called before; the last two days have been so busy. And kind of shitty.”

“Because you miss me?” her teased.

“Well of course. Also, I got fired,” I began to explain, biting my lip. I was nervous to tell him what happened, but I did, having to stop here and there to let him curse David for being an ass.

“I’m going to go there and kick his fucking ass,” he said after I told him.

“Brian, stop. It’s over,” I said firmly. “Nothing we can do about it now.”

“We can never work for that asshole ever again,” he said.

“That’s your choice,” I told him, smiling to myself.

“I’m surprised you’re this calm about all of this, baby.”

“I wasn’t when it happened. That’s why I didn’t call you right away; I was too distraught. I wanted to have everything settled when I called.”

“I understand. What time should I be there tomorrow?”

We discussed travel plans then, and came up with a time and place to meet. I was so excited that I would be able to be with him again and put all of this behind me. All of the stress I had felt over the last few weeks would no longer be a part of my life. I would be free and loving life with the love of my life.


	31. Old Friends

I waited for my baggage nervously, wondering if I brought too much. I hadn’t seen Brian yet, though he said he’d wait for me near baggage claim, making me more and more nervous by the minute. Where the fuck was my bag?

Finally I spotted it crammed against the edge of the track and I reached over, pulling with all my might to detangle it from the mess of all of the other suitcases. Sighing, I pulled up the handle and walked away from the track, giving others room to scour over their own luggage. I moved over towards a wall out of the way, leaning against it while keeping my eye on the door. After what seemed like an eternity I saw him, my rockstar clad in all black from head to toe, sunglasses over his eyes. I grinned at the sight, knowing that we were finally together at last.

I bounded over to him, practically skipping the whole way there. He was looking around, trying to spot me in the business of the airport. When his eyes landed on me, a huge grin came across his face, making my heart melt.

“My Rose,” he said softly when I approached him, taking me into his arms. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, love,” I said, snuggling into him.

We broke apart and he took my hand, leading me out of the airport towards his car that he had parked outside, even though you weren’t supposed to do that. I noticed that it was running when we got there and gave him a funny look. He told me it was a taxi since he didn’t have a car while on tour and I almost rolled my eyes at myself for not thinking that through.

I was glad we were still in California; even though we were away from home, it didn’t feel as weird or as scary because it was only a few hours away, or a one hour plane ride. Once we left the state I knew it would really hit me then. For now, it just felt like a dream.

Because this was a stop on the Warped Tour, we would be staying in the tour bus the whole time. I felt a little nervous about this, knowing it would be crammed, but I also knew that people would be in an out all day and night, participating in the tour life. I bit my lip thinking about it, not knowing what that would entail for me. But I was determined to let go and have fun.

The guys weren’t playing tonight, so we literally had the whole day free to go see shows or do whatever we wanted. The whole car ride there, Brian shared what a typical day was like and explained what the girls did while the guys were busy. He told me that I could help Val and Andi with merch, I could just enjoy the concerts, or maybe both.  
We finally arrived to the tour site and were dropped off by the cab driver. Brian paid him and grabbed my things, not letting me lift a finger. We walked over to the tour bus area and I was amazed to see how many were parked there; bands from all over the country had gathered here to share their music. I hadn’t heard of some of the groups, but there were others I was really excited to see. Some I was sad weren’t there, like Good Charlotte for example, but was still excited about the other groups.

Brian held my hand the whole way and the grin would not fade from my face, even with the summer sun beating on my back. He looked so cool, even though I’m sure he was burning up from the heat, but it didn’t matter. He was incredibly sexy and he was mine.

Brian stashed my suitcase with the others in the storage compartment under the bus then led me inside where everyone else was. As soon as I walked in I heard cheers and I was practically tackled by a very tall, slender man.

“RING AROUND THE ROSIE!” Jimmy screamed in my ear as he hugged me, making me laugh and grimace all at the same time.

“Jimbo! I missed you,” I said.

“It’s weird,” I heard Andi say, “Even though you were gone for less time it felt even harder! We were all so excited for you to come back!”

Jimmy let me go and I let Andi give me a hug. I was so excited to see my best friend again and to be around all of these wonderful people. I bit my lip to hold back the tears, wishing that I had done this sooner.

Brian sat on the bench on the side of the bus and pulled me down with him, having me sit right on his lap. I giggled and let it all happen, not caring that everyone else was around because I was just happy to be with him again. We all had time to kill, so it was nice to catch up with everyone; last time I was here I didn’t really get the chance to talk with everyone and see how they were doing. The whole time I talked with the rest of the group, Brian held onto me tight, occasionally squeezing my thigh. Every time he did it I felt myself feel flushed, secretly wishing that we were alone.

Andi and Val wanted to show me around, so after awhile we decided to leave the boys behind and explore the grounds. It was already so hot outside and I knew my pale skin would probably be aching with sunburns by the end of the day. I lathered myself with sunscreen and threw my hair in a ponytail, not wanting to take any chances.

“Are you excited to be back?” Val asked me as we walked around. She was showing me where everything was located- the bathrooms, shower area, food, merch booths, and the stages. It was cool to be on a campground where there were actually nicer bathrooms and showers; I guess not every tour stop was like that.

We arrived to the merch booth where A7X sold their items. There were certain times we were expected to work back there, usually when the guys were about to go on, while they performed, and for an hour after. Andi admitted that it kind of sucked that we didn’t get to see them perform every night, but they needed our help in the booth. The merch was one of the main ways they made money on this tour, so we knew it was important for us to do what we could to help.

While Val was pointing out some things in the booth, I heard someone yelling my name. I whipped my head around, not recognizing the voice, and I squinted at the figure running towards me. Once I saw who it was, I yelled out, totally shocked.

“JoJo!” I yelled, hugging him right away.

“Damn, Rosie! It’s been ages,” he said as he pulled away from me. He looked different from the last time I saw him; his once short blonde hair now reached his shoulders and he mad tattoos lining his arms instead of just the one or two he had before. He seemed more muscular now and definitely more tan, and I could help but admit more handsome.

“Seriously!” I said. Then I turned to my friends, introducing them. “Joe, this is Val and this is Andi.”

“Andi like your old roommate?” he asked with a smile. “I think we met once at a party.”

Andi bit her lip and shrugged, clearly not remembering. I clarified, “Joe used to work at the studio with me. He is a brilliant sound engineer. What are you doing here? I thought you lived in New York now.”

“Well, I did for awhile until I started working with this band called Bullet for My Valentine. So now I actually go on tour with them as one of their sound techs,” he explained.

“Holy shit. That’s amazing, Joe! They’re an awesome band!” I told him.

He nodded. “Yeah, it’s been surreal but I love going on tour with them. We’ve become great friends. You know me, I’m not one to stick in one place for long. So a job like this was perfect.”

I agreed, remembering that we only got to work together for about a year before he had the itch to relocate. He was a really adventurous guy, always wanting to try new things and travel different places. He had been so fun and interesting to work with and I was sad when he left.

“What have you been up to?” he asked politely.

“Well, I got fired from the studio because David hit on me and I told him off,” I admitted. Andi and Val yelled out then, not knowing that had happened and I had to fend them off, telling them it was fine and I was over it. I really was too; I was happy not to deal with things like that anymore.

“Shit, that sucks, Rosie,” Joe said, biting his lip.

“It’s fine, really,” I said. “I am actually touring with Avenged Sevenfold now. I’m, uh, dating the guitarist.”

“Zacky V or Synyster Gates?” he asked, a grin adorning his face.

“Gates,” I said, feeling weird about using his stage name. “Brian Haner.”

“That’s awesome, Rosie. Trust me, the tour life is a blast. Takes a minute to get used to, but you’ll love it. You’d be crazy not to.”

“Thanks, Joe. Today’s my first day actually.”

“You’ll do great,” Val said then, linking her arm around me. “Like he said, it’s a blast.”

“Listen, the guys from Bullet for My Valentine are going to host a little party tonight if you girls want to join,” Joe said. “By the bonfire.”

I looked over to Andi and Val, not sure if I should accept, but they were both nodding in excitement. I accepted the invitation for us.

“Bring the A7X guys too,” Joe added. “Might as well. The more the merrier.”

He left then, waving goodbye as he sauntered off. I looked over to my friends, trying to see their reactions to what just happened.

Andi spoke first, “Is that the Joe who had the really short buzz cut that you had a major crush on?”

I giggled and nodded, biting my lip. “Yeah, but nothing ever came of it.”

“Well, regardless, the party will probably be fun. It’s always cool with the tour stop has a bonfire or something like this one does,” Val chimed in.

We kept walking around the grounds then, getting some food and finding a spot to sit and chat for awhile. It honestly just felt so normal. There were bands playing in the background, but I didn’t know who they were, and we hardly paid attention to anyone around us as we caught up. Before we knew it, hours had passed. We decided to head back to the bus to invite everyone out to the party and to get ready.

“You’re back!” Matt said as he saw us walk up to the bus. He grabbed Val’s hands and tugged her towards him, kissing her deeply. The sight made me smile; it wasn’t often that they were affectionate in public.

“Ew, mom and dad are kissing!” I heard Johnny exclaim from inside of the bus where he was looking at us from the window. I laughed before running back into the bus, wanting to be back with Brian. Andi followed me, but walked directly over to Zack as soon as she was inside.

“I ran into an old friend,” I told Brian as I sat down next to him on the bench. He had been playing guitar and moved it to the side, sitting up straight to listen to me.

“Oh yeah?” he said, curious.

“Yeah, Joe Stenson. He was a sound engineer that I used to work with, but now he works for Bullet for My Valentine. Anyways, he invited us to come out to a party tonight. They’re having a bonfire.”

“Hm, well. I wanted to spend some time alone with you,” Brian said softly, placing his hand on my leg. Zack, Andi, and Jimmy were all in the room so he didn’t say much more, but I still couldn’t help but blush.

“I feel like I should stop by at least. I told him I would,” I admitted. “But we can leave early.”

Brian chuckled and nodded. I told him I had to get ready, so he showed me to the back of the bus to the tiny bathroom that just had a sink and toilet. I freshened up in there anyways, figuring it didn’t really matter what I wore, and just fixed up my hair.

Tonight I would be experiencing my first party of the tour and my first night on the bus. The day was already a whirlwind and an overload of information, but I was loving it. I couldn’t help but feel nervous thinking about what was to come, but I was ready. Just knowing that Brian was right outside waiting for me was enough.


	32. Allegations

The party was already in full force by the time we got there. We had to wait for everyone to be ready before we all headed over together, and I was glad we did. There were so many people gathered around the fire that there was no way I would’ve been able to find my friends if we hadn’t stuck together.

I held Brian’s hand the whole time, not wanting to be away from him for even a moment. He found us a spot a little away from the fire and we sat, spreading out a blanket and opening up bottles of liquor. I looked around, trying to see if I could find Joe; I wanted him to know I had shown up at least.

I finally found him amongst a group of girls, all young and brunette and not wearing enough clothes. He looked happy, stumbling a little in his drunkenness as the girls flirted with him, probably only attempting to use him to meet the members of Bullet for My Valentine. I sighed at the sight, knowing that I was being judgmental towards those girls. I decided to go over there and see what was really happening. I told Brian and the others that I’d be back and headed over to him, calling his name to catch his attention.

“Rosie!” he called back, a huge grin on his face.

“Hey, JoJo,” I said. He smiled at the nickname and gave me a hug, causing the other girls around us to glare at me.

“This is, uh, Joanie, and uh… Barbie?” he started, pointing to the girls. He started laughing at himself, knowing that he had no fucking idea what their names were.

“Whatever, asshole,” the girl he identified as Barbie said. She grabbed her friend’s arms and pulled them away, off to find someone else to talk to.

“Ouch, Joe. Maybe you should remember their names next time,” I said.

“Things were going so well,” he cried. “I was bound to get laid before you showed up. Maybe I still will.”

I raised an eyebrow at his last statement, not clearly sure if he was hinting at something or not. I let it go, chalking it up to him being drunk, and continued talking to him for awhile. That is until he put his arm around me.

“What are you doing?” I asked as nicely as possible, shrugging his arm off of me and taking a step back.

“Come on, Rose,” he said. The use of Brian’s name for me mad me mad; no one else called me that but him.

“No, I have a boyfriend,” I told him sternly.

“Right,” he said with a laugh. “You’re dating a fucking rock star. You cannot tell me that he hasn’t gone off with other girls while on tour. Is that why you decided to join him all of a sudden?”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I said.

“Whatever, Rosie. You know we had a thing going on when we worked together. You had a major crush on me and you know it.”

I blushed a little, knowing he was right. But I still said, “That was in the past. You had your chance back then.”

“Nah, not really. You were too shy, too reserved. Seeing you here, actually letting your hair down and having some God damn fun is what turns me on,” he said, leaning into me again. He was inches away from me. I tried pushing him off, but he put his arm around my back, attempted to pull me in.

“Can’t you see that she’s not fucking interested?” I heard a voice behind me say.

“Fuck off, Gates,” Joe said, leaning down to kiss me on my neck, making my skin crawl.

“Get off of me!” I yelled, pushing him off with all of my might. “Jesus Christ! You are such a dick, Joe.”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you too,” he said, staggering backwards as he tried to regain his footing.  
Brian said, his teeth gritted together in anger. “Go find one of your blonde bimbos to take advantage of, not my girlfriend.”

“Sure, she’s your girlfriend tonight, but how about the last few weeks on tour?” Joe said, a smirk on his face. I looked up a Brian, the pit of my stomach turning into knots. What did he mean?

“You’re an idiot. Come on,” Brian said, grabbing my hand. I stood for a moment, unable to move.

“So that redhead two weeks ago? The one you pulled into your bus with you?” Joe said. I felt like I was going to puke.

“That’s not what you’re thinking,” Brian said with a sigh. He looked over at me and said, “She was hooking up with Jimmy and I was trying to get her drunk ass into the bus before she did something stupid.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. Joe chimed in again, “And the blonde last week? Or any of those blondes the week before?”

Brian frowned and didn't say anything to Joe, not wanting to satisfy him with an answer. Brian said sternly. “Rosie, come on.”

I left the scene then, not letting Brian hold my hand. I heard Joe laughing in the background; he knew he had upset me, which I’m sure was all he wanted to accomplish. I went straight back to our friends, wanting to drink and forget what had just happened, in my head praying that what Joe had said was not true.

I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. This was something that I had feared, one of the reasons why I didn’t stay with Brian while we were apart; I knew I would constantly be jealous while he was away. But whatever he did while we were broken up, I couldn’t be upset about; I had been with others guys too. I still felt sick to my stomach thinking about it and the possibility that there may have been others. I hated to think that he could’ve been with someone else even during the time we were back together...

“Rosie-” Brian started as I approached our friends, trying to grab at my arm. I shook him off, sitting next to Andi and Zack in the grass.

“Not now,” I said sternly, looking away from him.

He mumbled something under his breath and walked away, clearly pissed off at me and the situation at hand. I watched him walk away, Jimmy in his wake as he headed towards the kegs of beer near the fire.

“What the fuck?” Andi asked as soon as Brian was out of earshot. “What just happened?”

I shook my head, “Nothing. I shouldn’t say.”

Zack chimed in, “You can’t let us witness that drama and then not explain it, Rosie. Are you okay?”

“Not really,” I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest.

“Brian practically ran over there when he saw Joe all over you. Did something else happen?” Andi said, rubbing my back to try and calm me down.

“Joe just spilled the beans that Brian slept with other girls over the duration of the tour,” I said simply, trying not to sound upset about it. “It just surprised me, I guess. He made it seem like it was a regular thing.”

I glanced over towards Andi and Zack to see them share a look. I furrowed my brows at them, knowing something was amiss. So, Zack said, “Well, you two were broken up.”

I nodded and looked away, biting my lip. It made me a hypocrite, but I was pissed off to the point of tears.

“And remember what you told me, Rosie,” Andi said, referring to me confessing how I had slept with other guys.

“I know,” I said through a sigh. “It’s still weird. Joe made it seem like it was still happening last week while I was gone.”

“That I don’t know,” Zack admitted. “I’d be shocked if it were true. Brian was hung up on you; he only slept with girls that looked like you when he was really drunk or stoned. Otherwise he wasn’t interested in anyone else.”

“You’ll have to talk to him about it,” Andi said.

I sighed and stood up from my spot, not wanting to pout anymore. I gave a short wave to my friends and walked off in search of Brian by the bonfire. It didn’t take long for me to find him; he was chugging a beer with Jimmy, who was a head taller than everyone around him. I slipped up behind him and put my hand on his back, startling him a little.

“Sorry I was rude back there,” I said to him. “I was just surprised.”

Brian sighed before looking at Jimmy, who nodded at him as if to tell him it was okay for us to leave. Brian grabbed my hand and we walked away from the fire back towards the buses where there were some picnic tables. A few people sat at them but we were able to find our own and we sat on the table, our feet resting on the bench as we looked out onto the party.

“While you were gone,” he started, searching for words to say, “I wasn’t myself. I was pissed, sad, and lonely. I got drunk a lot, smoked a lot of weed, and fucked around with a few girls. I should’ve told you before, but I didn’t want you to be upset. We were broken up at the time. No girl has ever been in my bunk since we’ve been back together. That I promise you.”

I nodded, still nervous about the entire situation. But I knew I had to come clean. “I slept with a few guys while we were broken up too. Basically the exact same situation, except it was at studio parties instead of on tour.”

I looked at him, nervous to see his reaction. He didn't seem upset, but he certainly wasn't happy either.

“I really thought you’d be pissed at me,” Brian said eventually and I agreed with him, saying the same. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah,” I said softly, playing with the end of my hair.

“Something is still bothering you,” he said.

“Joe said last week,” I said, biting my lip as I looked into his eyes.

“That was Jenny,” Brian said, rolling his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair before saying, “I had hooked up with her earlier in the tour one night when I was practically blacked out drunk. She’s a groupie following us around. It was a huge mistake; now she keeps hanging around trying to hook up again. Matt and Jimmy had to physically drag her out of the bus last week. You can ask them.”

I nodded and looked away, not sure of what to think about his story. Was it true or just something to make me feel better? I hated feeling like I couldn’t trust Brian, all because this guy I used to like said some bullshit to piss me off. Why should I believe him over the man I love?

“I’m sorry, Brian,” I said, leaning against him. “This is all weird. I know I shouldn’t be mad because we broke up, but it still bothers me. I can’t lie.”

“I get it,” he said, wrapping his arm around me. “As soon as you said you slept with someone else I felt the urge to punch the table.”

I laughed then and adjusted myself so I could look up at him. “Is it always this hard?”

“No, baby,” he said, kissing my forehead. “It will get easier. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said softly, letting him lean down to kiss my lips. I let him deepen the kiss, trying to let myself go, even though I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.


	33. Jenny

Jenny. I couldn’t get the name out of my mind. Did he really only hook up with her just the once? I wasn’t convinced and I hated myself for it.

We stayed for a while, talking and catching up as we watched everyone else enjoy the party. As we sat on the picnic table, people would come up to Brian to say hello, chat for awhile, flirt, and completely ignore my presence. He’d look over to me after each person or group of people walked away, smiling his apology as he shrugged. At first it was fine, but after the fifth blonde girl waved hello to him, I became agitated.

“I forgot you were a celebrity,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes as we waved goodbye to her.

“Rosie,” he started as if to scold me. I glared at him in response, stopping his words. Instead of whatever he had planned to say previously, he stated, “I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s annoying. It just part of the life.”

“How many of these people do you actually know? Or do they just recognize you?” I asked him, sourness in my voice.

“I knew everyone but that last girl,” he started, giving me a look. “What’s the big deal? It never bothered you at home when people recognized me.”

“It didn’t happen that often. Certainly not like ten people in a span of five minutes.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. If we keep succeeding like we have been, it will probably only get worse.”

I sighed, knowing he was right. I started to shift off of the table, not really enjoying myself any longer. I really just wanted to go to bed and be alone, but I knew that probably wouldn’t happen.

“Where are you going?” he asked me as I got up.

“I don’t know. I’m tired,” I said, looking at the ground. I heard him shift off of the table and move over to me. He put his hand on my chin, gently lifting my face so I could stare up at him. He leaned down and kissed me gingerly, lingering on my lips before moving away again.

“I hope you’re happy,” he said softly, worry in his eyes.

“I am happy to be with you,” I said, doubt lingering in my voice. He frowned, not quite convinced by my words.

“Rosie,” he whispered, running his hands through my hair. “You didn’t have to come back if you didn’t want to...”

“Don’t say that,” I began, my voice catching. “I’m just having trouble digesting everything, I guess. It’s overwhelming.”

“Being here or seeing all of the girls talk to me?” he said, not even bothering to beat around the bush any longer.

“Both, I guess. How many were there, Brian?” I dared to ask.

He sighed. “I think four. I hate to admit it, but there was a night or two that I don’t even remember at all.”

“And none since-”

“No, Rosie. Ever since you came back to me everything changed. I haven’t smoked a joint since then, and I've barely drank. I haven’t even looked at a girl. I’ve just been waiting for you. Why would I mess that up?”

I chuckled a bit at his question before saying, “It was three for me. Just so you know. And it was awful every single time.”

“I know what you mean,” he said, kissing my forehead as he wrapped his arms around me.

“It helped me forget,” I started.

“But then you felt like shit in the morning,” he finished. I looked up at him again with a soft smile and nodded before he continued. “I used those girls to forget you. But when you came back and we were together in my dressing room… Rosie, I knew that I could never be with any other woman. When I am with you it’s like my soul is on fire. You are my Rose, my love. Nothing else compares to that.”

I kissed him then, worry washing away from me. I knew he was right; no other man I had ever been with could ever compare to the passion and love I felt for the man before me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in tight before he lifted me into the air. I broke the kiss, laughing at him carrying my like I was his bride, moving as fast as he could back to the bus.

No one was there, which was lucky for us, but I had the feeling that Brian wouldn’t have cared either way. We made our way back to the bunks and Brian pulled me down to his bed, which was a tight squeeze for the both of us. Regardless, I laid down and he was immediately on top of me, kissing my neck and working his way down. He pushed up my shirt and planted kissed down my stomach, making me giggle as the touch tickled me. He unbuttoned my shorts then, swiftly pulling them down as he stopped his kisses.

He shifted up, almost smacking his head on the bed above his, making me laugh at him as he rolled his eyes. He leaned down by my ear and whispered, “You’ll pay for that.”

“Make me pay then,” I said back, leaning up slightly to nibble on his ear lobe.

He groaned and moved his hands towards my panties, slipping his hand underneath. His fingers touched me, making him chuckle when he realized how wet I already was. Gently he began rubbing his fingers on my clit in a circular motion, speeding up the pace as I began to pant. He kissed my neck and licked my ear, making me call out his name in pleasure. Just as I felt like I was about to climax, he pulled away.

“Brian,” I moaned in annoyance, glaring at him.

“I told you- you had to pay,” he said with a smirk. I intensified my glare and he said, “Don’t worry, baby,” before moving off of the bed to slip off his jeans and underwear.

I took off my own panties, not wanting to wait any longer and within seconds he was back on the bed and inside of me, pumping as fast and as hard as he could in the confined space. He held my hands above my head, his shoulders flexing and collarbone jutting out as he held himself above me. I practically came at the sight of it, but not wanted this to end, I closed my eyes to give into the the feeling of him inside of me.

His arms tired, Brian moved his arms, leaning them at my sides instead. He then started kissing me, first softly, but then his tongue was in my mouth, making me moan as he fucked me and kissed me. I broke the kiss, crying out his name again. I opened my eyes to see him grinning down out me.

He pulled out then, catching his breath before grabbing at my hips. He gently tugged at me, signaling for me to flip over. I rolled to my stomach and stuck my ass into the air as much as I could and he leaned above me, unable to fully kneel because of the bed above us. Slowly he entered me, causing to to wince slightly at this new angle we had never been at before. I felt tight around him as he slowly pumped into me, getting me used to it. As I began moaning more and more he quickened his pace, slipping his hand under my stomach to reach my clit. The moment his fingers touched me I began to shake, reaching my climax. His fingers stilled slightly as he tried to hold me up, my body quivering with orgasm beneath him.

I fell slightly after I came, unable to hold myself up. He grabbed at my hips, pulling me up so he could continue thrusting into me. I was practically screaming by the time he came and hearing him call out my name sent me over the edge.

He pulled out of me right away and fell next to me on the bed to my right. I moved my head to lie on my other cheek as I gazed at him, panting and sweating. He gently tapped my ass, grinning like a fool as he caught his breath next to me. I laughed and shifted to lay on my side, wrapping my arm around his torso.

“I think I can handle the tour life,” I said, kissing his shoulder.

-0-

We unfortunately had to get dressed, then laid in the bunk kissing and talking, enjoying the fact that we were actually alone. Brian told me that we needed to take advantage of the opportunity. He was right- within a few hours they were back, loud and stumbling from their drunkenness. We ignored them, Brian stroking my hair as we cuddled and attempted to sleep.

We were both ripped out of unconsciousness by a loud bang in what seemed like only moments later, but I couldn’t be sure. I leaned up from my position next to him, squinting into the darkness to see what was happening. Brian turned to his other side attempting to do the same, jumping when he heard Jimmy calling his name.

“He must be drunk,” Brian grumbled as he began to shift out of the bunk.

“GET OUT HERE HANER I SWEAR TO GOD!” I heard Jimmy yell, his voice much more serious than I expected it to be. I furrowed my brows but didn’t move, still too groggy to get out of the bed.

“What?” I heard Brian yell back. He stopped in his tracks in the hallway between the front area of the bus and the bunk area. Subtly he glanced back at me, attempting to see if I laid back down, then bit his lip before going to the front of the bus. I heard hushed tones of their voices, but as soon as I heard an unfamiliar female giggle, I was out of the bed in an instant.

Near the steps that led to the bus stood a blonde girl that I didn’t recognize. She was pretty, but clearly drunk, not noticing how her breasts were close to popping out of her shirt. She was leaning on the railing, trying to plead with Brian and Jimmy to let her on the bus so she could “figure things out,” whatever that meant. I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, clearing my throat to signal that I was present.

Brian was facing the girl with his profile to me and I saw him grimace when he heard me, making it obvious that he didn’t want me there. Jimmy had his back to me and turned his head to look at me, making an “uh-oh” face before he looked over to Brian and then the girl.

“Who are you?” she said when she finally noticed me, taking another step into the bus. Jimmy took a step forward as if to stop her.

“Rosie…” I answered, not knowing what else to say.

“Oh, you,” she practically growled. I frowned at her and bit my lip, nervous about her reaction.

“Jenny, come on,” Brian eventually said. Oh… Jenny.

“You said what we had was special, Syn,” Jenny practically begged.

“No, I said what I had with her was special,” he said while pointing to me. I almost started to laugh at her reaction. “That’s why I’ve told you to fuck off for the last week.”

“You are WRONG!” she yelled. “You said you could fuck me all night!”

Brian groaned. “People say stupid things when they’re drunk. You should know that. Get off my fucking bus before I get the cops over here!”

“Come on, Jenny. I know this guy Joe who wouldn’t mind fucking someone as bat shit crazy as you,” Jimmy said, physically forcing her out of the bus.

Brian looked over to me as soon as they left with puppy dog eyes, already begging for forgiveness before he even opened his mouth. I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head. Even though I didn’t quite understand what had just happened, I laughed to the point where tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Rosie…” Brian began, worry in his voice.

“I’m sorry, but Jesus Christ,” I said in between chuckles. “You should see your face. And Jimmy’s comment about Joe? Fucking classic.”

Brian smiled and ran his hand through his hair, relaxing as he walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my forehead before shaking his head and chuckling along with me.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and hugged Brian back, biting my lip to stifle the laughter. I shook my head at him as well and smiled at him before he kissed me.

Nuzzling my face into his neck I said, “You know, this is not something I plan on getting used to.”

“I know, I’m sorry baby. Every once in awhile one of us hooks up with a crazy groupie and shit like this happens. But you’ll never have to worry about that happening to me again. Just Johnny and Jimmy,” he said with a small chuckle. “You gonna watch me play tomorrow?”

“If you want me to,” I said softly, sleepiness starting to take over. “Just help me get out of merch duty.”

“You’ll get a pass to see me if I’m nice enough to Andi. She’s fucking fierce, you know.”

“That’s why I love her,” I half yawned.

“Come on, my Rose. Let’s go back to bed.”

We laid back down, snuggling up to each other again just like before. I was exhausted from everything that had happened over the last few days. Starting the tour life and experiencing all of these new things on top of the awkwardness between Brian and I was just too much. But ending the day like this, with peace in my mind and wrapped in his arms, I knew that I could handle it.


	34. Trust

I woke up early the next morning, not quite used to the sleeping arrangements quite yet. Last night it seemed okay, but now I realized just how tight of a squeeze it was, sleeping here next to Brian in his bed. I wondered if there was a spare bed that I could have to myself, but didn’t want to make Brian upset. Rolling to my side, I draped my arm over him, trying to fall back asleep.

While lying there, I heard Matt and Val’s voices coming from the front area of the bus in hushed whispers, clearly trying to avoid waking other people up. The coffee pot was brewing and I think someone made toast. All of this in combination with my full bladder made me get out of the bed, trying my best not to make Brian stir. First stop was the bathroom, then out to the front area.

“Morning, sunshine,” Matt said, not even looking up from the newspaper he was reading. He and Val were sharing toast and coffee, making me grin at the sight. They really looked like the Mom and Dad of the group right now.

“Morning,” I said, yawning immediately after. I made my way over to the toast to make my own, skipping the coffee.

“What’s on the agenda today?” Val said to me.

I shrugged. “Brian wants me to watch them play tonight. Other than, nothing.”

Val frowned. “We wanted to show you how the merch booth works tonight.”

I shrugged again, not wanting to upset either person, even though Brian wasn’t awake yet. I didn’t say anything in return, just went about making my toast, figuring that the situation would solve itself eventually.

“I’m gonna go to the camp showers,” Val said, getting up from her seat. “They are surprisingly better than the one on our bus.”

I laughed then, thinking about how I should probably shower myself, but I wasn’t quite awake enough yet. Matt and Val kissed before she left, taking a shower caddy and clothes with her. Matt continued reading, ignoring me all together, but there was something I really wanted to ask him.

“Matt?” I said eventually. He looked up with a raised brow, so I continued, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he said, putting the paper aside.

“I don’t know if you heard what happened last night,” I said sheepishly, lowering my voice just in case Brian was awake back there.

Matt nodded but didn’t say anything, probably unsure of what to say himself.

“Well, Brian said that he slept with that girl before we got back together. But some of the things she said, well… I don’t know. I guess I’m just nervous that it happened when we did get back together and I left for those few days. Not necessarily with that same girl, but I wasn’t here you know, and Brian seems to attract a lot of girls, like a lot of girls were waving to him last night and flirting and stuff and-”

“Whoa, slow down, Rosie,” Matt said with a laugh. “You are nervous he cheated on you? Seriously?”

I looked down, almost ashamed that I had asked, but I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe Matt wasn’t the person I should have asked. So, quietly I said yes and looked back up to him.

Matt sighed and said, “Rosie, no. The moment I called you about Dear God, everything changed. You came back, the two of you made up, and that was it. There were no other girls. Shit, Brian didn’t even smoke a joint and hardly drank while you were away. He didn’t want to do anything stupid and mess it up.”

I let go of the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Thanks. He said the same thing.”

“Why didn’t you trust that?” Matt said, clearly upset with me. “You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone that you don’t trust.”

“I was just unsure after what happened yesterday. You weren’t there, Matt, you didn’t see. Girl after girl waving to him or stopping to flirt with him. Then that stupid girl tried forcing her way in here. It was just a lot to process and it made me doubt things.”

“What Brian did while you two were broken up is not wrong, Rosie. You should understand that. He didn’t think you’d ever get back together. He was like a lost puppy and was just trying to feel again. You really broke his heart, and those girls, who all looked similar to you by the way, all were just a way for him to try and forget you, but he just couldn’t. I’m sorry, Rosie, I’m just annoyed by this conversation.”

“I’m sorry, Matt. I just didn’t know what else to do. And I knew you’d be honest with me about it,” I said sincerely, guilty that I hadn’t trusted what Brian told me. “I’ve never been the crazy jealous type before. This is new territory for me too.”

“I get it. It’s hard for Val even. Girls will always try and flirt and hook up with us, as long as we’re famous at least. I mean, Jesus, we are all super sexy after all,” he said with a grin, making me laugh. “But in all seriousness, it is unfortunately something we all have to deal with. You just have to trust that Brian loves you and won’t stray, or else this won’t work.”

I nodded, knowing he was right. “Thanks, Matt.”

“Yep,” he said, going back to his newspaper and coffee.

I decided to start my day then, moving outside to the area under the bus to grab my suitcase. From there I got what I needed and headed towards the direction of the showers, knowing Val was probably right about the shower quality. I found them easily, happy that most of the campers hadn’t woken up quite yet, or at least had opted not to shower. There were small stalls for each shower, barely concealing each woman inside, but no one seemed to care. I walked to the nearest one, stripping off my clothes once I was inside.

The water pressure wasn’t that great, but the water was hot and that’s all I cared about. As I let it soak my hair I closed my eyes, letting myself drift off into thought to calm my mind. I felt guilty about accusing Brian of cheating, but I knew my feelings were at least somewhat justified. This whole situation was just strange for me and I needed time to get used to it. Sure, at home an occasional person would recognize Brian, but I didn’t think as much of it; a lot of times it was just someone who had known him before he was famous. It was different here and it was weird. I don’t know why I hadn’t expected it, honestly.

I washed my hair and body, trying to clear my mind of it all together. There was no point of dwelling over it. The only thing I wished at this point was for people to know that he was taken, that there was no point of them even trying. But Matt said it still happens to him, even though he and Val have been together for years. I knew I just needed to get used to it.

Eventually I shut off the shower, sensing that other women would need to use it soon. I dried off in the stall, awkwardly getting dressed while trying not to get my things wet. Grabbing my things I walked out, figuring I could tame my hair back on the bus. That was until I saw Val in the front area of the shower house were there were mirrors and plugs for hair dryers.

“I forgot my brush,” I said, looking through my things. I heard her chuckle and offer her own to me and I took it, not caring to dig through my stuff on the bus. “Thanks.”

“Are you okay?” she asked me, sensing a sadness in my voice.

“I am just feeling like an asshole already today and I’ve only been awake for an hour,” I joked, laughing at myself. At Val’s raised brow I explained what happened earlier.

“Hey, I get it. Matt shouldn’t have been so harsh. It’s hard to get used to it. Andi had to adjust to it too. It was a little different for me since I’ve been here since the beginning, but you should talk to her about it too.”

I nodded. “I will. She’s always really honest with me. But last night she and Zack didn’t know if Brian had been with anyone since we got back together, so I just felt like I had to ask. Matt confirmed Brian’s story. Now I just feel like a dick for not trusting him.”

“I’m sure he’d understand. Especially after the whole Jenny thing,” she said to comfort me, gathering up her things. I walked out with her, not bothering to dry my hair, and we headed back to the bus. I was happy that Val had been a good friend, not scolding me, but understanding where I was coming from. But I couldn’t blame Matt for his reaction either; he wouldn’t want his girlfriend to think that way.

When we got back, more people were awake and buzzing around the area. Johnny and Brian were out having their morning smoke, bedhead still intact while they leaned against the bus in their pajamas. I giggled at the sight and headed over to Brian, waiting to kiss him until he put out the cigarette. He took his final drag and put it out, blowing the smoke away from me before he leaned down to kiss me. I smiled at him and Johnny, saying good morning.

Johnny waved hello then walked away, going back into the bus while muttering something about coffee. I chuckled as he walked away, then turned my attention back to Brian, who was staring at me.

“What?” I asked, giving him a look.

“It’s nothing. I’m just happy you’re here. I was a little nervous when you were gone when I woke up,” he admitted, running his hands through his already messy hair.

“The bunk is so small, I needed to move,” I told him. “Plus I had to pee.”

He laughed at me then said, “You can have your own bed if you want. We have one extra.”

“Maybe on nights I really want to sleep well,” I said. “But I like sleeping with you.”

Brian nodded in agreement, grabbing my hands. “I’m going to shower,” he said, kissing me before going to the bus to get his things.

I went inside after him and saw Andi and Val sitting at the table, going over some sort of spreadsheet. As soon as they saw me, Andi waved for me to sit with them and started going over the information. It was all about the merch they had been selling, an inventory of sorts. Val was noting what items needed ordered before the next tour stop.

“It’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it,” Andi told me with a shrug, seeing the look on my face. Numbers weren’t my thing, and seeing the data in front of me made me uneasy.

“Yeah, it’s actually fun sometimes,” Val said. “When people aren’t rude to us, anyways. The people from Warped Tour are really cool about everything, just some of the fans can be weird.”

“Yeah, a lot of them recognize Val and ask her a million weird, personal questions,” Andi explained. I nodded in understanding, realizing how annoying that must be.

“Comes with the territory,” she said with a shrug, looking at me in the eye as she said it. I smiled back at her, knowing that was a hint for me.

The three of us stayed there for awhile, going over numbers and how the merch booth worked, the other two girls excited to have some extra help. I mentioned to them that Brian had wanted me to watch them play tonight, but Andi basically ignored me while Val had a sour look on her face. I didn’t press the issue further.

“Hey Val, come here a second,” Matt called from outside of the bus, sticking his head in the doorway to see if she was there. She got up and followed him out. Looking out of the window, I could see her talking to Brian and Matt. At one point they all looked at me, then back at each other. Val had a huge grin on her face.

“Wonder what that’s all about,” I said, more to myself than anything.

“Who knows,” Andi said absentmindedly, still looking over her spreadsheet.

Val came in a moment later, telling me I was off the hook for merch duty tonight. Andi looked up then, surprised, asking why.

“Brian asked,” she said with a shrug. “It’s her first night on tour to see them. She can help us every other night.”

“She saw them last time she was here,” Andi said, practically pouting.

“Hey, once I get the hang of the booth, you two will be able to leave to watch too. We can take turns,” I said, trying to make peace. I could tell Andi was annoyed and probably a little bit jealous that I didn’t have to work.

“That sounds fair,” Val said. She changed the subject then, avoiding any issues Andi may have had.

The rest of the day went by slow. We spent time in the bus, played cards, went to watch some of the bands, and ate a lot of really bad food. It was all so normal that I finally felt myself relaxing. It was nice to know that there were some moments out on the road that were mundane and almost boring. It was oddly comforting.

A few hours before the show, Brian grabbed my hand and dragged me off of the bus, leading me to the picnic area we sat at the night before. He told me he just wanted to me alone with me for a little while before they had to go on stage.

“I need to kiss you now,” he said with a grin, leaning in to kiss me. We were sitting on a bench at one of the tables, as close as possible. He leaned in, putting his hand on my face before fiercely kissing me, clearly not caring who saw. I wasn’t a huge fan of PDA, but after yesterday, I hope all the girls at this stupid campground saw it. I let him enter his tongue in my mouth, grab my hips, and nibble at my bottom lip.

He broke apart from me far too soon, resting his head against mine. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too,” he said, moving to kiss my forehead. “I’m surprised you let that happened.”

“I want all these bitches to know that you’re my man,” I said with a grin, laughing at how stupid I sounded. He laughed in return shaking his head.

“Don’t worry, baby. Soon enough they’ll all know,” he said, kissing me again.

“We should get going. Your show starts soon,” I said to him, moving off the bench.

“Oh, not yet,” he said, yanking me back down. I fell onto his lap and he started kissing me again, causing me to moan at the touch. I broke it off when I felt him getting excited beneath me.

“We can’t have that,” I teased, getting off his lap. “You don’t want to be tired before you go on stage.”

He groaned and then laughed, following me back towards the bus. We saw the rest of the band heading towards us and we met halfway before turning around to go to the stage area. I was excited to hear them play again, but honestly more of my excitement came from the looks I was getting from the girls we passed as Brian held my hand the entire way there. I loved it, I couldn’t lie, which was odd for me; like I told Matt, I usually wasn’t the jealous type.

We made it to the stage and immediately things changed; Brian let go of my hand and I got to witness the hustle and bustle first hand. I was instructed to wait in the corner, out of the way, and I was glad to do that. All I cared about was seeing my love play tonight.


	35. Important Question

It was only a few minutes until their performance now and I was waiting backstage with them, bouncing in place impatiently while the other band played. Brian grabbed my hand to still me and smiled at me before leaning down to kiss me.

“You seem more nervous then I do,” he said with a grin.

“Just anxious. I love watching you play,” I said back.

“I think you’ll like today’s performance even better than usual,” he said, grin becoming bigger than before. Unfortunately I couldn’t ask what he meant; Matt Berry came over and stole him away from me. The other band had finished their set and it was time for them to get ready to go on stage.

I thought about Andi and Val and how they weren’t happy when Brian told them I wouldn’t be helping them today, but after he had taken Val aside, suddenly everything was okay. It was odd, and with his other comment, I began to felt nervous, thinking that something strange was happening. I couldn’t dwell on it, though, as I was led to the edge of backstage where I watched the roadies finish setting up. I knew the guys would be conducting their pre-show rituals, so all I could do was wait for them to go out onto the stage, just like the crowd.

It was still light out and they were set to play six songs, but it was exciting nonetheless. The main headliner of the night was just after them, meaning a lot of kids coming to watch the other band would see them too. It was a huge opportunity for them, which is why I was surprised Val and Andi weren’t more pissed that I couldn’t help sell merch.

Cheering erupted as they entered the stage, running to their places and beginning to play within moments. Bat Country ripped through the speakers and I grinned, thinking back to when we recorded it at the studio and how my love for Brian developed while we created this song.

I loved watching him on stage. His Synyster Gates persona took over and he became this sexy, untouchable guitar god. Except the fact that he was mine and I did get to touch him whenever I wanted. I looked to the crowd as he went to the edge of the stage, girls throwing their hands into the air to try and touch him. His cocky smirk made me bite my lip, turned on by the fact that my man was wanted by so many other women. He backed up from his position and looked back at and winked before diving into a guitar solo. I smiled and sighed, totally enamored by the rock star on the stage.

After the song was over, Matt thanked the crowd and told them they had a special surprise. I raised an eyebrow, not sure of what would happen next.

Brian walked up to a microphone then and said, “There’s someone backstage I want you to meet. She’s going to help us sing this next song. Rosie?”

He looked back at my frozen self with a grin. I shook my head no, completely terrified, but he ran over to me and grabbed my hand, kissing me quickly before pulling me out onto the stage. I knew the crowd was big but it was horrifying once I was on stage. My whole body was shaking with the shock and fear. Brian moved me up to a microphone, squeezing my hand before he let go and the band started playing Chapter Four.

“You sing while Matt screams,” Brian said in my ear. I closed my eyes and nodded, knowing that I had no choice in the matter.

Though it felt like the lyrics were caught in my throat at first, I began singing, hearing myself in the monitors. I opened my eyes to see the crowd bobbing their heads along, the pit opening up into a circle. I smiled as I continued to sing, honestly feeling good while I did. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, especially when Brian harmonized with me in the background. He stood next to me the entire time, allowing Zack to come to us whenever the guitars would duel. Seeing all of the people before us dancing, headbanging, or in the pit was thrilling, and as I sang I thanked Brian in my head for such an amazing moment. It made me wonder why I had never wanted to do this in the past.

The crowd exploded in cheers when we finished and I laughed into the microphone, unable to contain myself; it all felt so surreal. Brian grabbed my hand and raised in the air while pointing to me with his other hand, causing the crowd to cheer again.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Brian yelled into the microphone. He pulled me away a little bit and kissed me, causing the cheering in the background to grow even louder, which in turn made me giggle into the kiss.

“I love you,” I said to him.

“I love you too. Rosie, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met,” he started to say as he took his guitar off. I raised my brows, becoming nervous again. Jason came over and grabbed the guitar really quick, allowing Brian to grab my hand and the microphone.

“Listen, kids,” he said to the crowd. “This woman is a catch, as you can see. She is also the love of my life. And I plan on spending every moment of the rest of my life with her.” I bit my lip as he put the microphone back, my hands raising to my face as he got down on one knee. “Marry me?” he asked loudly as the crowd cheered.

All I could do was nod, the audience way too loud for him to hear my answer, and he got up on his feet and hugged me before kissing me deeply. In the background, the rest of the band began to play Warmness on the Soul. Brian spun me around and kissed me again before leading me off of the stage.

“Oh my GOD!” I yelled when we left the stage, laughing with my hands still on my face. “I can’t believe it!”

“I love you,” he said, kissing me again. “I wanted everyone here to know that I have the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world here by my side. No more girls will come to my bus; everyone here will know that I am taken by you, and that you will be mine forever.”

“I am in shock,” I admitted, not even knowing what to say. “You have to go back!”

“Yeah, I know. We’ll celebrate tonight. I love you,” he said, quickly kissing me before running back to the stage with the guitar Jason handed back to him. Everyone cheered when he came back, going right into his riff.

Jason came over to me as I watched, saying congratulations as he hugged me. “You alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I am just so surprised.”

“Where’s the ring?” Jason joked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted with a laugh. “I think this was a spur of the moment decision.”

“It makes sense, though,” Jason said. “You two are supposed to be together.”

“Yes, we are,” I agreed, smiling as I watched the love of my life, my fiance, finish his set.

-0-

“HOLY SHIT!!!!” I heard Andi screaming from behind me as we walked back to the bus. I turned around just in time to be attacked by her embrace, causing me to laugh. “I had no clue!”  
“Me neither,” I said, pulling apart from her.

“He told Val but not me! I wish I could’ve seen it. I heard it from the booth,” she told me, shaking her head. “You sounded great, by the way. I’m sure that was a rush.”

“You can say that again. It was crazy,” I said as I looked up at Brian. He grinned back down at me, but his eyes then drifted to the bus.

“Go and celebrate,” Andi said, sensing Brian’s urge to leave. “Congrats, guys. I love you both very much.”

“We love you too,” Brian said, hugging her, which made me smile. He tugged at my hand right after, pulling me to the bus.

“Well, I’m not sure if you brought any dresses, but put on the fanciest thing you brought. I’m taking you out,” he said, pointing to my suitcase someone had brought out and set on the table.

I went over and dug through it, finding a light blue maxi dress. It was all I had brought, so I looked over to him, and he nodded, urging me to change. He was already out of his shirt.

“I’m going to rinse off in the bus shower really quick,” he said. “Then we can go.”

I went ahead and got changed in the main area of the bus, not really caring if anyone walked in. I assumed Brian told everyone to keep out for a bit while we were there, but this isn’t what I expected us to be doing right away…

Shortly after we left the bus and walked over to the area where the cars were parked where a cab was waiting for us. Brian had a small bag in his hand, though I wasn’t sure what was in it, and he instructed the cab driver where to take us.

He looked over to me afterwards with a grin, sighing and grabbing my hand. I started giggling, not really knowing what else to do.

“I love you,” he said, kissing the top of my head as I leaned into him.

“I love you too,” I said back. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Are you happy?” he whispered.

I looked up to him, kissed him, then said, “I’ve never been happier in my whole life.”

The cab driver stopped a few moments later, dropping us off on one of the city streets. Brian paid then ran out to open my door, helping me out of the cab and onto the sidewalk. We stood in front of a jewelry store, causing me to chuckle and smile.

“I hate the fact that I didn’t have a ring for you,” he said as we stared into the store. “So I want you to pick out whatever one you want.”

“Brian, we can wait to get a ring,” I said, worried about the cost.

“No, I want you to have the whole package,” he said, pulling me inside. I stopped for a moment, hesitating by the door.

“Brian, what made you decide to do this now?” I asked him, curiosity getting the better of me.

“I’ve had it on my mind to do it for a long time honestly,” he said sheepishly, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. “I almost did it before we left for tour the first time, thinking I could get you to come with me that way. But it felt too manipulative.”

“Yes, it would have been,” I admitted.

“I talked to my dad a lot while we weren’t together,” he said. “He told me that if I ever got you back, I needed to show you how serious I was about you. Then after yesterday with the other girls and Jenny, I knew he was right. I’ve loved you for a long time, Rosie. Watching you sleep in my arms after everything that had happened yesterday, it just felt so right. I knew I needed to do this, and planned it out in my head then. While you were gone at the showers, the guys and I planned it all out. And you saw me talking with Val.”

I smiled and kissed him. “I love you. It was perfect.”

Smiling back he then tugged me inside, the bell of the door chiming as we walked into the stop. Within seconds a salesperson came to us, guiding us over to the engagement rings.

“Whatever you want,” Brian whispered. “Don’t worry about the cost.”

I knew that wasn’t super practical of Brian to say, but it was sweet nonetheless. Still, I looked at the smaller rings, not wanting to cause my soon to be husband to be broke. They had so many choices; white gold, yellow gold, and the many, many cuts of diamonds and other stones. I saw a few I liked and tried them on, seeing how they looked on my finger. I hated to admit it, but I loved every second of it; it made me feel like a princess for a moment.

“What about this one?” Brian said after the jeweler put away a square cut diamond ring that I didn’t like. He pointed to a ring that had three round stones- a large diamond in the middle with two smaller black stones, which I presumed were onyx, on each side. The rest of the band was covered with small diamonds. It was unique and exquisite. It was in love with it before I even put it on, but as soon as Brian slipped it onto my finger, I knew.

“This is it,” I practically whispered. Butterflies littered my stomach as Brian held my hand and I stared at the ring.

“You can take it home today if you’d like. It’s a perfect fit,” the jeweler said. We both nodded in return, grinning like idiots as we walked over to pay. I stayed back as he did so, gazing at the ring in awe, still in total shock about what was happening. Moments later I jumped when Brian grabbed my hand to lead me out of the shop.

“I have dinner reservations,” he said. “But I also have hotel room reserved…”

“Hotel,” I answered without hesitation. He laughed and guided me down the street where a hotel was located, leading me inside. He really had planned out every detail of the evening.

“I’m checking in a little earlier than planned,” he told the front desk clerk. “If that’s alright.”

“Oh, sure,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes at him. She clicked around on her computer and handed him a key, telling us to have a great stay. That we would.

We practically jogged to the elevator, which took us up to the top floor of the hotel. We entered our room and I was immediately taken aback by the view; we could see the entire city from here. He smiled at my reaction and pulled me into the room, wrapping his arms around me. We kissed passionately, Brian’s hands dipping to my backside. He lifted me gently, making me giggle, before taking me over to the bed. He laid me down softly and laid next to me, pulling me towards him to continue kissing me. His hands moved the hem of my dress up my legs, his fingers brushing against my skin.

I shifted my body so that I was on top of him now, straddling his hips. He bit his lip and moved up my dress again, pooling it around my own hips. I leaned down and kissed him gently, breaking away to kiss his cheek and then his neck. He whispered my name at the touch and I smiled into my kiss, loving the sound.

I got off of him and removed my dress and shoes, then took the time to remove his clothes as well. The whole time he stared at me, as if he was in total awe of the woman before him. After removing my underwear he sucked in a breath, letting it go slowly as he took me in. He shifted up so we was sitting and held out his hands, pulling me onto his lap. Slowly I let him enter me, a throaty moan escaping my lips as I did so.

“Rosie,” he moaned, his eyes closing as he leaned his head against the headboard. I placed my hands on his shoulders as I moved up and down while his rested on my hips, guiding me.

I kissed him, wrapping my fingers in his hair as I felt his grip tighten on my hips. Our tongues clashed and my pace quickened as I was unable to contain myself any longer. Brian broke our kiss as he groaned, his hips buckling slightly, which caused him to push himself deeper into me. I cried out in pain and pleasure, pulling his hair.

“More,” he whispered, pulling me up and down. I moved faster and Brian nuzzled his face into my breasts, his mouth moving to the nipple, his tongue grazing it. His hand moved to my clit, rubbing it gently as I pumped up and down and I was practically screaming, unable to fully comprehend all of the many senations my body was experiencing. He moved away from my breasts and pulled me into a kiss, causing my body to erupt into a climax. I broke away from the kiss because I needed to scream my pleasure into the sky, unable to contain all of the things I was feeling.

When my body calmed down, Brian moved away his hand and I slowly lifted myself off of him before I fell back into the bed. He moved to be on top of me and entered me again, gently moving in and out as he kissed my cheeks and neck. I pulled at his hair again, moaning over and over in rhythm with his thrusts.

Brian held my hands above my head, making me chest violently bounce every time he entered me, which I knew he loved. He quickened his pace, his eyes glued to my breasts, which drove him over the edge; moments later he was shaking above me, reaching his own peak.

He stayed there for a moment after, kissing me gently on the lips before moving to lay at my side. He pulled me in, our legs wrapping around each other as we continued to kiss. Our foreheads resting against each other, I closed my eyes, taking in what just happened.

“I love you, future Mrs. Haner,” he said, kissing my nose.

“I love you too,” I said, kissing him on the lips, never wanting to let go.


	36. Nightmare

“So, fiance,” Brian said, emphasizing the word. “Who should we call first?”

I laughed and shrugged, adjusting my robe before continuing to eat my french fries. Since we skipped dinner we had been starving and opted to order room service, not wanting to leave the bed. I was clad only in a silk robe the hotel had provided while Brian sat there in his underwear as we ate cheeseburgers and fries, already discussing wedding plans. It still felt surreal but it was all so exciting. Towards the end of our meal we decided we needed to call our family to announce the big news.

“Okay, well I’m going to call my parents then, if that’s okay,” he said at my lack of a reply. I nodded in agreement and shifted over to be closer to him so that we could both talk to them on speaker phone.

His sister McKenna answered, and Brian instructed her to put us on speaker phone so that he could announce it to his family all at once. After a few moments of scrambling and getting the family together, Brian was able to tell them what happened.

“Wow, congratulations!” Papa Gates said immediately. “I knew I’d be getting this news soon!”

“Thanks,” Brian said with a chuckle. We talked with the rest of his family for awhile, Brian explaining how he had proposed, and his step mother already asking a million questions about the wedding, all of which we did not have answers to. Eventually Brian stopped her, telling her we’d update her as soon as we knew the answers.

After he hung up, Brian sank to the bed, a huge grin on his face. He looked over to me and said, “That was exhausting.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Just wait. I have to call my mother.”

“Speakerphone again?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. I’ve only mentioned her to you a few times. I haven’t talked to her in awhile and I think she’ll be really surprised.”

“Oh,” he said, seeming disappointed.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell her about you,” I said, sensing his worry. “She and I just aren’t as close as we used to be since I moved away.”

“It’s alright, I understand,” he said with a small smile. I went ahead and got my phone out, dialing her number.

“Rosie?” she answered right away.

“Hey, Mama,” I said softly, feeling a little nervous. “I have some news.”

“What’s wrong?” she immediately concluded, not surprising me. She typically expected the worst from people.

“Nothing, Mom. It’s good news!” I said trying to cheer her up. “Remember that guy I was dating, Brian?”

“Yes, but didn’t you break up?” she asked.

“Yes, but I called you last week and told you we had gotten back together and are on tour now,” I reminded her.

“Right. I still don’t think that’s a good idea, you know. Being on the road must be hard. And your career-”

“Mom,” I said, cutting her off. “I already talked to you about this. Did you forget?”

“No, I remember. But I still don’t think you’re making a smart decision.”

“Well, I am happy, Mom. Things are going really good. In fact-”

“How do you expect to have a fulfilling relationship with a rock star, Rosie? I told you that dating musicians wasn’t smart. What would your father say? I just can’t even imagine you cramped on a tour bus with five men, roaming around the country. I listened to their music, you know. It’s awful! It just surprises me that you would throw away your whole life for a man. I thought I taught you better than that.”

“Mom, that’s why I didn’t go at first. But I love him and he loves me. We want to make it work,” I told her, glancing over at Brian, biting my lip. He looked concerned, not understanding what was happening. I’m glad I wasn’t on speaker.

“I hope you come to your senses, Rosie. I hope-”

“Mom, stop!” I said, standing from the bed, beyond frustrating. “I called you because I have really good news, not to get lectured.”

“Well, then what is it?” she asked, annoyed that I had interrupted her.

“We’re getting married,” I said, not even excited to tell her. I knew what was coming next.

“Oh,” she responded, surprised. “Well, congratulations.”

“Thanks,” I said, my voice defeated.

She sighed loudly before saying, “When will I get to meet this young man?”

I smiled a little, glad she had dropped the lecture, knowing that she should be excited for me instead of upset. I understood where she was coming from, but she still treated me like a child and it was frustrating. “Well, the tour we’re on now is coming to Ohio next month in Cleveland. We could potentially stop by then?” I looked at Brian as I said this and he nodded with a smile.

“Okay,” she agreed.

“I’ll call you with all of the details soon, Mom. Hope everything is well at home.”

“It is, Rosie. Moments like this make me miss your father,” she said softly. I could picture her running her hands through her hair, closing her eyes and sighing to try and make her sorrow subside.

“Me too, Mama. I love you,” I said.

“Love you too baby. Talk to you soon,” she said, hanging up the phone.

I sighed and hung up myself, looking back to Brian. “That could’ve been a lot worse.”

He laughed, “You looked upset, though. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. She doesn’t necessarily approve of me leaving my job to go on tour. She doesn’t trust you, I think; she stereotypes musicians, you know? But when we’re in Ohio, we need to have you meet her so you can show her how lovely you are.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, pulling me back onto the bed and into his lap. “Let’s take a break from calling people.” With this, he pulled me down to his lips, fiercely kissing me before throwing me back onto the bed, making love to his future wife.

-0-

We woke up the next morning after making all of our calls to various family members and friends, tired from sharing the news over and over again, and tired from the numerous late night romps.

“I don’t wanna go back,” Brian mumbled next to me, draping his arm over me and pulling me towards him.

“We have to, baby,” I said, kissing his nose. “We leave for Seattle today.”

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Too much rain.”

I laughed at him, half asleep next to me. I moved out of the bed, going to the bathroom to take a shower. I started the water so it could warm up, then looked out to him again. “Want to join?” I teased. He immediately got out of the bed and ran to the shower, pulling me into the hot water.

Immediately Brian was at my breasts, his tongue licking over the already wet nipples. His hands slipped down my body as the water poured over us and I moaned as his fingers landed exactly where I wanted them. His kissed my neck as his hands rubbed my clit, my moan stifled by the noise of the water. Feeling my own wetness, he removed his hand and turned me around so that I was facing the shower wall. Gently he pressed me against it and grabbed my ass, lifting me up slightly so he could enter me. I cried out and pushed out my ass, allowing better access for him as he continued thrusting into me. Brian reached around my torso and moved his hand back to my clit, rubbing it in rhythm to his thrusts.

Despite how uncomfortable I was, pressed against the wall of the shower, Brian sent me over the edge, making me scream in pleasure as I released an orgasm. Immediately after Brian flipped me around so that my back was against the wall, lifting up my legs and wrapping them around his waist. He entered me again, hands on my hips, each thrust becoming harder and harder. He buried his face into my neck, grunting with each thrust before he let go himself, cumming inside of me.

We stood there panting, uncomfortably still connected as the water beat against Brian’s back. Finally he moved away from me, gently letting me down from the wall. We kissed in the water, our hands still roaming each other’s bodies before Brian grabbed soap, lathering my skin. I did the same for him, touching him everywhere I could, loving every second.

Afterwards we got ready to go using the clothes from the bag Brian had packed, knowing we needed to hurry back to the campground to get ready to leave for our next tour stop. Brian’s phone was already buzzing, Matt concerned we wouldn’t get back in time. I eventually texted him, telling him we were on the way.

Everyone was scrambling when we got there, trying to pack up everything before we took off. I felt bad for leaving everyone, but Brian said not to worry; it had been a special occasion and no one would care.

When we finally walked up to the bus, hearing immediate cheers when we got there. I was embraced by the guys all at once, hearing cheers of congratulations all around me. They broke away, but Jimmy stayed, picking me up and swinging me around.

“I will have a new sister!” he said as he spun me. I giggled as he set me down, not bothering to disagree with him.

“This is so exciting!” Val said. “But I hate to put a damper on the party. We need to go!”

We all filed on the bus to find that Andi had made us mimosas to celebrate the engagement. Immediately we grabbed the plastic cups full of orange juice and cheap champagne, downing them as more congratulations were heard. The drinks didn’t taste that great but no one cared; we were all just so excited about the upcoming marriage.

“So, future Mrs. Haner,” Johnny started as soon as the bus roared to life, “Were you totally fucking shocked yesterday?”

“First of all, I don’t know if I’ll be taking his name,” I said with a smirk, teasing him. He rolled his eyes at me and smiled, letting me continue. “But yes, I was really surprised. It was amazing!”

“I told you it’s awesome to be on stage!” Matt said. I nodded in agreement.

Andi and Val stole me away then, wanting to discuss wedding plans, giving me flashbacks to our conversation with Brian’s parents. I kept saying “I don’t know” over and over again, laughing at their antics. I wasn’t the type of girl of dreamt of her wedding day, especially since my dad had passed away. It just changed how I felt about some of the wedding traditions, knowing that he wouldn’t be there.

“I think you’d look good in a mermaid dress,” Val said, but I disagreed.

“Not my style. Something simple,” I told her.

“Ugh, I wish we had some magazines!” Andi said.

“We haven’t even talked about a date or anything yet!” I laughed. “No use planning anything until then.”

“You’re crazy!” Val said, laughing herself. “I’ve had my wedding planned since 8th grade.”

“Well, you’ve been with Matt since then, right?” Andi asked.

“Basically,” she answered, sighing slightly. “I’m not going to lie, I’m a little jealous.”

“Me too,” Andi admitted, laughing at herself slightly. “But maybe this will be a kick in the butt for our boys.”

“Who knows,” Val said, rolling her eyes. I felt guilty, but I knew that wasn’t their intention; they were just anxious for their own proposal.

“Okay, girls,” Jimmy chimed in. “We can’t take it anymore.”

I couldn’t lie that I was relieved to end this conversation and I moved over to sit with Brian again, snuggling into his side to watch he and Zacky play cards. The bus ride went slow, and the lull of the motor running put me to sleep.

I was standing before an alter in a beautiful church, stained glass windows everywhere. No one else was in the room but me and a man whose back was to me. I tried calling out to him, but I was unable to speak. The heavy, white dress was heavy, practically pinning me to the ground as I attempted to move to him. I felt like I couldn’t breath and my hand clenched the bouquet of white roses I held, the thorns making me bleed. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, trapped in this strange place as the roses were painted red with my blood. I tried to call out again, but no noise.

He turned around though, as if sensing my presence, but something was wrong. It was Brian, wearing a crimson tuxedo, his hair blowing even though there was no wind. He held out his hand to me, but I couldn’t reach him, no matter how hard I tried. I was stuck in this place with no one to help me. He stayed there, making no attempt to move himself before a bright white light flashed before my eyes-

“Rosie? Rosie, wake up!” I heard his voice say, a gently shake to my shoulder.

I jolted awake, my breath catching as I tried wrapping my head around what had just happened. I was dreaming, but it had all felt so real.

“Are you okay?” I heard Andi’s voice say softly, concern in her eyes.

“Yeah, just a bad dream,” I admitted.

“You were calling out my name,” Brian said, a small smirk on his face. “It couldn’t have been that bad of a dream.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t that kind of dream, Bri.”

“Wedding nightmare,” Val said absent mindedly as she read her book. “Lots of brides have them.”

I blushed a little, not really wanting to share that, but she had been right after all.

“Already?” Brian asked, a look of disappointment adorning his face. “Cold feet?”

“Not, it’s not like that,” I said. “I can’t control my dreams.”

“They’re normal,” Val chimed in again.

It was quiet then, no one else knowing what to say. Brian looked back out the window, seemingly bored. Val continued reading, Matt was on the computer, and no one else was even around. They had all retreated to their bunks to sleep, unlike me. I moved over to be closer to Brian and rested my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” I whispered to him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. He kissed me again in response. I wasn’t sure if he believed me or was still bothered by my dream.

Hours passed and time moved by slowly, all of us keeping to ourselves as we traveled north to Washington. Most of my time was spent musing over the upcoming wedding, thinking about how I wanted it to be. Did I want it to be small or big? What colors should I have? Did I want bridesmaids? Who would they be? What kind of dress would I wear? It was all super overwhelming to think about.

We were excited to see that it wasn’t raining when we got to the campground. The guys had been so worried about the weather, unsure if they would be able to play of not since it rained here so often. When we parked the bus, most of them piled out of the bus, excited to explore the area and see what was available. Brian and I stayed back for a moment, watching as the others practically ran off of the bus.

“Are you okay, Rosie?” Brian asked me eventually.

“Yes, I am. I am happy and excited. Why do you ask?”

“Well, that dream. I mean, you didn’t tell me what happened, but still-”

“Stop, Brian. It really is normal. I’ve known girls who had nightmares about their wedding even after it happened. I’m not questioning this, I have no doubts, okay?”

“Okay,” he said with a smile, leaning over to kiss me.

“I love you, Brian, my future husband,” I said with a smile, kissing him softly. I meant every word.


	37. The Dress

A few weeks had passed and our time on the road had its ups and downs. It was a lot of fun being on the road, seeing all of the different concerts and meeting tons of people while working in the booth with Andi and Val. Eventually it almost became routine; I was really getting the hang of living on the road. That isn’t to say that it was always easy; being in a cramped space with so many people had its challenges. But, regardless, I didn’t regret it for one second.

Andi and Val were officially bridesmaids in the wedding, Andi being the maid of honor. They had been taking their duty seriously, getting as many bridal magazines as they could whenever we stopped at different stores, going over the different dresses and flowers and the many, many other details that were apparently extremely important. I let them have fun with it, listening to their ideas, but as we approached Ohio, I began putting my foot down a bit, telling them my true desire to just have a simple, small wedding.

“Oh, but why no flowers?” Val said to me as we looked through yet another magazine. “Roses are just so beautiful!”

“Also a little cliche, don’t you think? Her name is Rosie after all,” Andi chimed in.

I was looking out the window at similar scenery. It had been so long since I had been back home and I felt nervous and strange about it. But I knew that we would be seeing my mother soon and she would want answers as well.

I turned my gaze back to the girls and said, “They’re really expensive, is all. I might just want small bouquets for us and that’s all.”

“That would be nice!” Andi said, being the supportive maid of honor. Val was a little more pushy, thinking about what her own dream wedding was like, but typically listened to me once Andi backed me up.

“Hate to interrupt the party, but we’ll be there soon,” Matt said, leaning down to kiss Val. Andi put the magazines away then, moving out of her seat to be with Zack.

“Hey,” Val said, grabbing my hand. “Sorry if I’ve been pushy. I just have a vision in my head of what I want my own wedding to be like, you know?”

“Oh, I get it,” I told her, squeezing her hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

The bus came to a halt then and everyone got up, eager to get out and stretch their legs. Brian came over to me, helping me out of my seat and led me out of the bus, his hand in mine. As soon as we exited, he reached for a cigarette, lighting it as he squinted from the summer sun.

After an exhale he said, “Home sweet home, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, biting my lip. “Kind of anyways.”

“Tomorrow you’ll actually be at home,” he reminded me, smiling with the cigarette hanging from his lips.

I sighed and leaned against him, breathing in his cologne and the smoke. He rubbed my back and ran his hand through my hair, squeezing my arm. I told him I was nervous before kissing his neck softly.

“You’re nervous?” he said with a laugh. “I’m the one meeting your mom for the first time.”

I looked up and said, “True. Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Stop, I get it. I’ll make sure to put on the charm, my Rose, don’t worry. And I’ll wear long sleeves if you want.”

I giggled. “Maybe that’s a good idea for now. She’s really not that bad, I promise. She’s just apprehensive about all of this.”

The rest of the day resumed as usual without any complications. It went by quickly and luckily kept me distracted by all of the worries I had concerning tomorrow. We were so busy at the merch booth that wedding talk came to a halt even. When the show was over, we wrapped up at the booth and immediately went back to the bus, exhausted from the mad rush. It seemed as though Ohio had a lot of A7X fans.

I went to my bunk right away, not wanting to join the parties that the girls were getting ready for. I was tired, and not just sleepy; my mind and body ached in exhaustion. I was almost asleep when I felt a weight at the edge of my bed.

“Rosie?” I heard Brian’s voice call.

I turned to face him and waved, almost too tired to even speak. He laughed and kissed me before asking if I wanted to join him at the party over at one of the other band’s busses.

“Too tired,” was my answer, my eyes closing right after.

“Okay, my love. Sleep easy,” he said before kissing my lips. I fell asleep the second I felt his weight leave the bed.

He was there again at the altar, but this time there were more people around. Men on the right and girls on the left, who should have been our friends, but looked liked lifeless blobs. I stood in the middle of the aisle alone, dead flowers in my hand, looking around at the blobs in the church pews. The only person I could see was Brian, but even he looked weird; his smile was strange and his eyes were bright yellow like a demon’s.

I finally got my legs to move and made it to the end of the aisle, but before I could grab his hand, I was pulled backwards. I turned to face my mother, tears streaming down her face. She kept whispering, “What would your father say?” over and over again, pulling my down the aisle away from the altar and away from Brian. She put her hand on the door-

“Rosie!” a loud whisper came into my ear, making me jump awake from yet another wedding nightmare. I had been having them a lot lately; it was as if the closer we got to visiting my mom, the worse the got.

I shifted in the little bunk and turned to see Andi there, which was odd; I figured it would’ve been Brian sneaking into my bunk with me. “What, Andi?”

“I love you,” she said, snaking her arm around me and snuggling into me.

“You’re drunk,” I said, my voice gruff from sleep.

“And sleepy,” she confirmed, clearly not moving.

“Oh nice! Girl on girl action!” I heard Johnny’s voice as he walked by, heading towards his own bed.

“Fuck off, little man,” Andi grumbled. “Night night, bestie.”

“Goodnight, weirdo,” I said, falling back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

-0-

I woke up the next morning to my best friend snoring in my face, making me chuckle a bit. I needed to get out of the bed but she was in my way and waking her up was not a good situation to be in; she was definitely not a morning person. I shifted to kind of sit up, seeing if I could climb over her without waking up, but before I could move, I heard a snicker from another bunk. Looking over I saw that it was Zack, clearly amused by my situation.

“You don’t wanna do that,” he laughed, getting up from his own bunk. He walked over to Andi, gently kissing her on the cheek and rubbing her back. She shifted slightly, clearly annoyed to be awakened, but this response was much more peaceful than ones I had seen in the past. He was able to get her to move from my bed to his, giving me my escape. I rolled out of the bed, whispering thank you before skipping to the bathroom.

The bathroom on the bus was tiny, hardly a real bathroom, but it was just enough room to do your business and get out. I missed my vanity at home, room for my makeup and hair products, but I knew that those things weren’t a priority when on the road. But looking at myself in the tiny mirror made me realize how badly I wished I had those things on the day I introduced my boyfriend- no, my fiance- to my mother, who I hadn’t seen in a really long time.

I exited the bathroom, almost smacking the door into someone on my way out. Before I could even apologize, I saw that it was Brian, so instead I laughed, biting my lip to stifle the noise. He rolled his eyes at me before entering the bathroom himself. I decided then to go finish getting ready at the campground shower house, saying a silent prayer of thanks that they had one.

Brian was waiting for me when I returned, leaning against the bus while he smoked his morning cigarette. He had a bag packed and sitting on the ground next to him, ready to go. He put it out as soon as I approached, grabbing the bag off of the ground.

“I grabbed some of your clothes for you,” he said, lifting the bag in the air. “You ready to go? We said we’d meet her at ten.”

I nodded and grabbed his hand, letting him lead me to the parking lot where we had a cab waiting. We had arranged to meet my mother for brunch; I had thought that a public place might be better for this. I felt nervous and sick to my stomach, terrified to think that things wouldn’t go well. Brian sensed my anxiousness and held my hand the whole way, squeezing it every so often as he talked about the tour and new music they had been working on, trying to distract me.

Eventually as we approached the restaurant, Brian changed the subject. “Any tips for me? Topics I should avoid?”

I laughed a bit before answering, “You know, the usual; politics and religion.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Nothing else?”

“Well, my dad would be a topic to avoid. I mean, she might bring it up, but don’t be all ‘sorry for your loss.’ She doesn’t like that. Try to be as empathetic as you can. I don’t know if she’ll bring it up. I think she might, though, seeing as though we’re getting married and he won’t be there-”

“You’re starting to panic, Rosie. It’s going to be great, really,” he said, squeezing my hand.

I took a deep breath just in time for the car to come to a stop, the driver telling us that we had arrived. Brian paid the man and we got out of the cab. I saw my mother’s car parked outside. Brian took my hand and led me inside, practically pulling me the whole way.

She was sitting in the waiting area, picking at her nails like she did when she was nervous. It made me smile, honestly, knowing that she was anxious about this just like I was. As soon as she saw us she jumped up from her chair, coming to me to wrap me in her arms.

“Oh, Rosie,” she said into my ear, rocking me back and forth. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Mama,” I said softly, tears creeping into the corners of my eyes. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

“Me too,” she said, moving away from me. Her eyes then shifted to Brian. “You must be the rockstar.”

“Mom-” I started, annoyed.

“I’m joking,” she said, even though she wasn’t. “I’m Mary Lou White. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Brian Haner. It’s nice to meet you as well,” he said, extending her hand to hers as he smiled.

We were then led to a table where we were served coffee and water. I sat quietly as my mother and Brian made small talk, pleased at their attempts to try and get to know each other. She asked about his family, how he became a famous rockstar (which she brought up several times), and what he liked to do for fun. Honestly, it was pleasant conversation. That is until the wedding was brought up, at least.

“So have you two set a date?” she eventually asked in between bites of her eggs.

“We were thinking next spring,” Brian answered, looking over at me and smiling. “We will be done touring by then.”

“Ah yes,” she said. “Doesn’t give you a ton of time to plan. It must be hard to do while you’re roaming around the country.”

I swallowed, noticing the passive aggressiveness in her comments. “I’ve been able to do a little bit of planning on the road. Andi and Val are there helping me. You remember Andi, right?”

“Of course, you lived with her. Who is Val?”

I explained, telling her that they would be bridesmaids. She began wondering if any of my family members would be included in the wedding party. When I said no, because I hadn’t talked to any of my cousins in years, she was annoyed, telling me to reconsider. When I told her what colors I was thinking of or what flowers, she also had negative comments to share, clearing disapproving of everything I had already came up with. I bit my lip, knowing that I didn’t see her that often so I could live with it for the day, but I could tell it was annoying Brian.

“I’m sure Rosie will plan an absolutely beautiful wedding,” he said after discussion of a venue. She was not pleased with the fact that I didn’t really want it to be in a church, but I didn’t feel like explaining my nightmares.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” she said, offended. “But, black dresses? Really, Rosie? What about something more cheery, like yellow? Or Rose! Wouldn’t that be lovely?”

“Mom, no. I don’t like pink, you know that. You know what, though, Andi came up with a really good idea. There’s a wedding dress boutique near here and she was thinking that maybe we could all go dress shopping together. That way you could come too. What do you think?”

“Oh, I don't know, Rosie. I probably won’t like any of the same things as you,” she said, looking down at her coffee.

I took a deep breath instead of saying something nasty to her. “I’d really love for you to come, Mama. It would make the day more special for me.”

She looked up then, smiling. “Oh, alright.”

The rest of the breakfast went smoothly before we were on our way back again. I knew that tomorrow shopping for a dress would be an ordeal, everyone shooting their own opinions at me while I stood there trying on dresses I probably wouldn’t even like. But I owed that to my mom and my friends and couldn’t help but be excited for it.

-0-

Val, Andi, and I met my mother the following afternoon at the dress store and I was happy to feel more excited than nervous. As soon as we entered the store it felt like a frenzy. I told the girl helping us what I wanted briefly, but soon after I was taken back to the dressing room she was bringing my dresses that I had no desire to wear, apologizing as she pulled out each one, telling me it was a pick from my friend or mother. To please them I tried them all on, coming out of the dressing room laughing or with a grimace, explaining to them each time that it was all just too much and I wanted something simple.

Finally they stopped when I begged them to let me show them a dress I actually picked out. As soon as I put it on I was in love, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. It was a simple a-line dress with a tulle skirt, all lace top with cap sleeve, a low back and the cutest little bow before all of the buttons that went down the small train. I took a deep breath before walking out to see my friends and mother, a huge smile on my face as I got onto the pedestal in front of the mirror.

Andi had hopped out of her chair and grabbed my hand, tears rolling down her face. “Oh my God! That’s it, Rosie.”  
I nodded, looking back at my mother, who sat emotionless. “What do you think?”

“I love it,” Val said with a smile.

“Here, try it with this,” the saleswoman said, placing a veil lined with lace at the crown of my head. She even gave me a bouquet of fake white roses.

Seeing the whole picture, my mother stood, her hand moving to her face. She walked over to me and saw tears in her eyes. “Rosie,” she whispered.

I got off of the pedestal and hugged my mom, so elated to see her happy about all of this and that she wasn’t arguing with me about this detail of the wedding, which was honestly one of the most important things to a bride. She kissed my cheeks, telling me she loved me, which made me smile; it wasn’t something I heard from her that often, honestly.

“If only your father could see you in that dress,” she said after she backed away from me, looking at the dress again.

“I wish he could too, Mama,” I told her before turning my head to gaze into the mirror.

“I think Brian will love it,” she said, taking my hand and squeezing it. I knew he would.


	38. Almost Home

My mother asked me to stay with her that night so we could catch up just the two of us. It was a little out of character for her, but I agreed, feeling that I owed it to her since I hadn’t seen her in so long. Besides, I missed her and my old home. It would be weird to see my old room again.

Val and Andi went back to the guys, promising not to give anything away about the dress. I knew it would be weird to spend a night away from Brian after everything we had gone through, but I also knew I needed to spend time with my mother.

When we got to the old one storey home I grew up in, I felt overwhelmed with nostalgia and tears crept to the corners of my eyes as I thought about how my dad used to always sit on the porch swing out front. When we walked inside, the scent of my home filled my nostrils and made me smile, remembering how home always smelled like mom was baking. We walked through the long hall to my old bed room and I immediately started laughing when I walked inside.

“Mom, why did you keep all this?” I asked as I looked around. There were old posters from when I was in middle school still hung on the wall, amongst pictures of old friends I hadn’t seen in years. The walls were the ugliest shade of green I could have ever picked as a child and my tiny twin bed still sat in the corner next to the window.

She chuckled, “I know it’s silly, but I just couldn’t get rid of it.”

I hugged her then, not able to contain myself. “I miss it here.”

“I miss you being here, sweetheart. But I keep busy and I have Harris,” she said softly.

“Harris?” I questioned.

“Well, my cat, darling,” she said. I chuckled, worried for a moment that she had a new boyfriend she hadn’t told me about.

I put my things down on the old bed and followed my mom out into the living room. We sat on the couch and she immediately started talking about and thing and everything. We talked mostly about her, which was fine and honestly normal. It was nice to not have the attention entirely on me and the wedding. She didn’t really bring it up at all actually. I was a little disappointed that she didn’t seem that interested in it, but also relieved to have a break from it all. The only thing I got to talk about is my job, which was nice, but my mom didn’t really understand it and we ended up talking about her again. This was normal with my mom and I was used to it; all of our phone calls was us talking about her job and her friends, not me and my life.

Eventually I went to bed, ready to sleep in a real bed instead of the tiny bunk on the bus. The old twin was still soft and I fell asleep immediately. It was a blissful, dreamless sleep.

-0-

A few weeks later…

We were making our way back towards the west coast now and I was beginning to get stir crazy on the bus. Though we had the chance to get off of the bus and go to the different concerts, it was becoming too routine and I was becoming tired of it. Everyone else was feeling the same way, especially the girls, who did not get the adrenaline and energy boost of performing several times a week. I was so ready to be back in my apartment, in a big queen bed, with the beach five minutes away.

I was grateful that I got the chance to visit with my mom, but it was also a reminder of why I moved away in the first place. I missed the business and the beach life of California, not the slow paced country life I had at home in Ohio. And as much as I loved my mother, the distance had been good for us. We used to argue a lot when I was young, but got along better now. But the visit reminded me of all of the things that bothered me about my mother and the one day visit felt like long enough, as sad as it was to say.

Brian and I had been working on planning our wedding as best as we could from the road, and Andi was extremely helpful. Val helped here and there, but I knew that deep down she was wishing that this was her own wedding and did not always want to participate. I couldn’t really blame her since she and Matt had been together much longer than Brian and I.

We had our date, guest list, venue, and music all picked out. But the rest was almost impossible to do from states away. I was aching to get back home and finish planning, as the wedding was only a few months away. I was just glad I was able to convince Brian to keep the wedding small since we didn’t give ourselves a ton of time to plan.

Brian stretched next to me on the bus couch. While yawning he said, “Just a few more days of this shit.”

I laughed. “But it’s what you love.”

“Yeah, I do. But I can’t wait to sleep in my own fucking bed again! And surf.”

“You still need to teach me to do that,” I teased. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I am ready to be in your bed again too.”

He groaned quietly, shifting in his seat, instantly turned on. He bit his lip slightly and moved his hand to my thigh. I blushed at his reaction, knowing that it was all of the pent up sexual tension between us. We’d be on this bus for so long, unable to stay at a hotel and unable to have any privacy. Sure, we’d sneak away here and there, but it was almost impossible to have sex without anyone hearing, which I just hated. We’d hear, or unfortunately see, the others going at it, but all of it made me so uncomfortable. I just wanted to be home so I could let loose.  
“There’s people back there,” he said to himself in annoyance, looking towards the bunks.

“There always is, Bri,” I sighed.

“Bathroom,” he said to me, looking into my eyes and grinning. Without waiting for me to answer, he grabbed my hand and led me into the small bathroom, not caring if anyone saw. My face was beat red in embarrassment, but as soon as he locked the door I forgot all about it; his lips crashed onto mine instantly.

We were practically on top of each other in the tiny bathroom, making it almost impossible to move, but somehow Brian found a way to shimmy my pants and panties off of me and set me on the small counter of the sink. I had to prop myself up so I didn’t fall into the sink basin, but I didn’t care because his tongue was already against my clit and his hands grasped at my thighs. I had to bite my lip to stop from screaming his name in ecstasy, reminding me again of how badly I wanted to be home in one of our beds.

His right hand moved closed to my core and he took a break from licking at my clit to suck on two of his fingers, looking me in the eye while he did it. That alone made me want to cum, but I held on as he slid his fingers inside of me, tongue moving back onto my clit. I almost fell back into the sink as he did this, my arms shaking from holding myself up. His left hand moved to my back to help me stay up, so I moved one of my hands to his messy hair, grabbing it as I clenched around him. My head fell back against the small plastic mirror as I came, squeaking out quiet moans in rhythm with the now gentle pushing from his fingers. When I calmed down he slowly slipped out of me and helped me off of the sink, rubbing my ass where the sink had left a red line.

He was grinning at me as I panted, trying to catch my breath. “You can say shit like that to me and not expect me to make you cum,” he teased, grabbing at my hips and pulling me in for a kiss. I could taste myself on his mouth.

When I broke the kiss he said, “I wish we had more room.”

“We have plenty,” I teased this time, moving my hands towards his pants. He raised a brow as I crouch before him, extremely cramped in the tiny space. I pushed him against the wall and moved his pants and boxers down his legs, letting him spring forth in front of me. I looked up at him and winked before lowering my mouth onto his throbbing cock.

He moaned instantly, not even trying to be quiet, making me giggle against him. Slowly at first I moved him into my mouth, licking the tip each time I moved my head back. Looking up at him I saw his eyes were closed and his mouth hung open, panting slightly as I quickened my pace. I moved my hand to the base of his dock and began stroking in rhythm with my sucks, moving my hand back and forth as I moved my mouth. He grabbed my hair and his legs began shaking, especially when my other hand began to very gently grasp his balls.

“Fuck, Rosie,” Brian whispered, his grip on my hair tighter than before. “Don’t stop…”

I didn’t have to continue for long; Brian soon spilled into my mouth, making me choke slightly. He didn’t let me pull away, holding my head in place, and my eyes watered as he came into my mouth. Eventually he let go and I was able to spit it out into the nearby toilet.

He stayed against the wall, pants around his ankles while he caught his breath, trying to come down from his high. I got dressed then and cleaned myself up, giggling slightly at his state.

“You need to do that more often,” he said in a daze.

I kissed his cheek. “Get dressed. We’ll be back in bed in no time.”


	39. Cold Feet

I almost yelled out in joy when I walked through the door, but I contained myself, not wanted to freak out any neighbors. I was finally home!

I dropped my bags right in front of the closed door and skipped into the kitchen, running my fingers across the cool granite. I walked through it to the living room, immediately opening my blinds to let in the California sun. I fell onto my couch, squealing in delight. It felt so good to be in such a wide, open space. And to be alone for once!

We had gotten home only thirty minutes earlier and everyone was desperate to go back to their homes and into their own showers or beds or to see their families. I was so grateful to have a moment of peace, where no one else was in the room to bother me or be in my business. Brian had offered to come home with me, but I knew he was longing for a moment of peace himself, so we went to our own apartments.

I had fallen asleep almost instantly after falling into the couch, having weird dreams, but luckily none relating to the wedding. I hadn’t had a nightmare since we had visited my mother, as if hearing her blessing had calmed my mind. I knew deep down she was worried about me, but she told me she was okay with us getting married, and I believed it.

What I couldn’t believe was that our wedding was only a month away. I was so ready to plan the final details, but I had priorities: sleep, shower, eat, and sleep with Brian, in that order.

Once I had completed the first three items on my list, I called Brian to ask him if he wanted to come over or have me stay with him. He didn’t answer, so I assumed he was sleeping, and I packed a bag. I left my apartment only hours after coming back to it and headed towards Brian’s, not caring if I woke him up.

A few minutes later I was standing awkwardly at the door, waiting for someone to answer after I had rung the bell. I tried calling Brian again, but he did not answer. It was weird standing on his porch, and I desperately wished I had a key. I berated myself for coming over before I knew if he was even there or not. Sitting down on the porch swing, I called Matt to see if he knew where Brian was.

“We dropped him off at home. I’m not sure where he’d be, sorry,” he told me. The conversation ended shortly after, as I knew he was busy with family.

I frowned and stared at my phone screen, confused. I was surprised he wasn’t answering; he wasn’t a heavy sleeper and would’ve awaken from my phone calls or the bell ringing. I had to assume he wasn’t home, but why wasn’t he answering my calls? I hated to be the crazy girlfriend, but I tried one more time.

He finally picked up this time. “Rosie, I’m sorry. I meant to text back.”

“Where are you?” I asked, a little harsher than necessary.

“I’m at the beach. I needed some time to sit and be alone to be honest. I had some things on my mind and wanted somewhere relaxing to think about it.”

“I get that,” I said softly, cursing myself for not being more understanding. “But I’m actually at your house.”

“Oh,” he said. He sounded disappointed, making my stomach drop. “It might be awhile before I’m home, Rosie.”

“Do you have a key somewhere? I could always just drive home but I’m already here…”

“Yeah, in the back on the porch there’s a birdhouse. Take off the lid and it’s in there.”

“Oh, that’s a good one. Definitely sneakier than under the mat!” I joked. He didn’t laugh.

“Yeah, I’ll be home later. See you,” he said, hanging up. I frowned, sad that he did not say he loved me or let me say goodbye in return.

I walked around back then, thinking of how I probably shouldn’t have come over at all. What was going on with him? I hoped it was merely fatigue and that he was reflecting on how the tour went, or thinking of what’s next. I didn’t want him to be so upset.

I got into the house with ease once I had the key and locked up behind me before moving into the living room. I was almost attacked by the dog, but it was so small that it was just nipping at my ankles. I bent down to greet Pinkly, scratching behind the ears to calm it down. Pinkly barked quietly, sitting and panting near my felt, finally calmed. Satisfied, I moved to the couch, plopping down amongst the plush pillows. Turning on the TV, I zoned out, having nothing to do until Brian arrived.

When the sun had set and he still wasn’t home I began to worry. What was he even doing? How long can you sit at the beach and think? Maybe I was too antsy of a person; I liked keeping busy as much as possible. Perhaps that was why I was becoming agitated; sitting here and watching TV for this long was starting to get to me.

I got up from the couch and decided to wander around through the home, looking at old pictures and things Brian had hung on the wall. I had never really paid them any attention before, and out of sheer boredom, I examined each photo. I loved seeing the old pictures of the guys from high school; their hair styles alone made me laugh. I was lost in thought looking at a really old photo from when Brian was a little boy with his father playing guitar and I didn’t hear the door. Pinkly’s barking is what signaled Brian’s presence.

“Who’s a good puppy?” he was asking the dog, letting Pinkly kiss his face and jump on him. It was cute and made me smile as I greeted him in the hall.

“Can I do that?” I teased, making him chuckle slightly.

“Sorry I took so long,” he said quietly, throwing his keys in the bowl by the door. “I lost track of time.”

“It’s okay,” I said, moving over to him. He pulled me into an embrace, taking a deep breath. “Are you okay, though?”

“Just tired still. I have a lot on my mind,” with this he pulled away, not making eye contact. I could fill the nerves in my stomach again.

“Are you unhappy with how the tour went?” I pried as he started walking to the kitchen. I followed, not wanting to give up on this.

“No, I think it went really well. The kids seemed to really like it and I think we’ve really started making a name for ourselves,” he said, clearly satisfied.

“Okay, then are you worried about making a new album?” I asked him, still wanting an answer.

He sighed, “We already have some songs written and have discussed the direction we want to take. You heard most of those conversations on the bus, Rosie.”

“Then what has you in such a funk?” I finally asked. I didn’t want to have to beg, but it was bothering me!

He sighed again and ran his hand through his hair, “Nothing, Rosie. I’m just tired.”

I frowned. He went to the fridge and got himself a beer then slowly walked to the back porch, closing the door behind him when he exited the house. Instantly I knew it had to do with me. What else could it even be at this point? I debated leaving, just going home instead of dealing with his broodiness, but I knew that wouldn’t solve anything. So, I got my own beer and followed him outside.

When he saw me I saw his jaw set, clearly annoyed. I bit my tongue, trying to damn hard not to snap at him. Instead I said, “Do you want me to leave?”

He bit his lip. “No, you don’t have to leave. I just thought I’d have one night alone.”

His tone bothered me. He was annoyed and passive agressive, not something I was used to him being. I furrowed my brows and crossed my arms, not sitting next to him on the swing. I tried to think of how to respond to his sour words without making this into a bigger fight.

“You proposed to me,” I started, trying to speak as sweetly as a I could.

“Yes,” he said shortly.

I spoke slowly, “Meaning we are getting married.”

“Yes,” he said again, more annoyed. He took a long chung of beer.

I sighed, “Meaning I will be here with you every single day for the rest of your life. I might not be on tour with you every time, but I’ll certainly be home waiting for you.”

He closed his eyes and didn’t respond at first. I waited for him, hoping he understood the point I was making. I understood that we all needed alone time, but he was being rude and shitty to me for no reason.

“I know that,” he said eventually. He opened his eyes and motioned for me to sit with him. I did, leaning against the armrest of the swing so I could face him. He did not continue and begin picking at the label on his beer bottle, clearly not knowing what to say.

“I understand we all need alone time,” I said to him, “but you were alone all afternoon. If you wanted to be alone tonight, you should have told me. I would’ve been bummed, but I would have understood. I am an independent person who needs my space, too. You know that I would understand. Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he said abruptly, his voice more shrill than before. He stood, moving over to the railing of the porch, looking out into the yard instead of at me. I bit my lip and tried not to panic, telling myself that he was just having cold feet.

“Why?” I asked eventually, my voice cracking.

He took a moment to answer, but eventually said, “I don’t know if I’m ready for this. It will be so hard going on the road without you.”

“We’ve had this conversation before,” I practically groaned, instantly annoyed. “Haven’t we come past this?”

“It’s different now,” he said, turning around to face me. He crossed his arms and looked me in the eye. “We will be married next time I leave.”

“I know that,” I said. “I know that.”

“And you’ll probably be here. Unless you come with us every time. Do you really want that.”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t thought of it, really. It will probably depend on work. But you’re right, it is different now because we will be married. There won’t be so much worry about us staying together, or if we can handle the distance. We are as committed as can possibly be and we will make those things work.”

“What about kids? We’ve never even talked about it. There’s so much we haven’t figured out,” he said quietly, looking away from me.

“Do you want kids?” I asked.

“Yes. Do you?”

“Yes. There, problem solved,” I said, shrugging and taking another sip of beer.

“Not really, Rosie. You’ll have to stay home with them, you know. While I’m away on tour.”

“For the most part, yes. I can bring them to some gigs and we can see each other when you have breaks. We can make it work, Bri. We don’t have to rush to have kids either, you know. We’re still young.”

He nodded, agreeing with me words and was seeming to calm down. His arms were no longer crossed on his chest and now grasped the porch rail. His muscles flexed, making me swoon a bit, but I couldn’t let myself get distracted by how good he looked, even when tired and upset.

“I am just worried,” he said after we were silent for awhile. “I don’t want to make a mistake.”

“You think marrying me would be a mistake?” I asked, frog forming in my throat. Ouch.

“That’s not what I mean,” he sighed, looking at me finally. “I just don’t want to miss you. I don’t want our relationship to struggle because we will constantly be apart. But at the same time when I come home from tour I want my space. I need time to be by myself instead of around people all of the time like I am on tour. And when we are going to be apart like that, I’m sure that will make you and our kids upset. I don’t know if the band is going to get any bigger than we are now. Even though I think we will, I cannot say for sure. So what if I can’t provide for you any my family?”

“Slow down,” I said, standing up. I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I feel like we’re switching rolls. Usually I’m the worrier.”

He laughed, resting his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into my neck.

“Don’t be,” I said. “We cannot predict the future, you’re right. But no one can, Bri. All we can know is that we will try our best to be together, to support each other, and to love each other. It’s not going to be easy always. It hasn’t been so far, and marriage won’t fix that. You can’t let yourself worry about things you cannot control.”

“I feel like I’ve told you that before,” he said, still mumbling, his breath warm on my skin.

I laughed, “Probably. And I’m sure we’ll say it to each other again. It will be hard, but I will give you space when you need it. You just have to communicate with me, none of this passive aggressive shit you did earlier. I get it, trust me.”

“I know, I just don’t want to hurt your feelings,” he said as he lifted his head to look at me. He cupped my face and gently kissed me. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said, meaning it. I kissed him again before saying, “You want me to go home?”

“Not now,” he said. “You’re too cute.”

He was kissing me immediately after, gently at first, but I wasn’t having it. This is what I had wanted all along; intimacy in our own private space! No longer having to worry if anyone heard, I let myself moan as he moved his lips to my neck, kissing softly. He put his hands on my hips, putting his fingers underneath the hem.

“I love you,” he said in my ear.

“I love you too. Now take me to your bed.”


	40. Wedding Bells

Today was supposed to be the greatest day of my life and I felt like I was going to hurl. The nerves in my stomach were unreal and unrelenting, almost keeping my in the bathroom all night.

Andi and Val had spent the night with me last night, mostly because we had to get up early the following morning to get ready, but also to help calm me down. I wasn’t nervous about actually marrying Brian, I was just so worried that something would go horribly wrong.

I had spent the last several weeks planning nonstop, getting everything ready for a perfect wedding day. I was excited and happy with everything that I had created and put together, but it all changed at the rehearsal dinner last night.

We had gone through the motions of the ceremony with a hitch. Other than the boys being their normal goofiness, nothing went wrong and we got through everything just fine. By the end of it I was so excited I couldn’t get the smile off of my face. Brian couldn’t stop grinning as well, telling me over and over how he couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

But then at dinner Johnny had to strike with his big fucking mouth.

“Man, hopefully all goes as planned,” he had said. “Would suck if your photographer bailed or something. Shit, one time I was at a wedding that ran out of food. Or, shit, Shads! Do you remember that wedding where the cake collapse? Fucking hilarious!”

I knew he didn’t mean it maliciously, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. I double and triple checked all of my plans that night, frantically re-reading all of emails and contracts with my vendors. Val and Andi tried to calm me, but I just couldn’t stop. Eventually they had both fallen asleep and I knew I needed to myself. Unfortunately my night was filled with anxiety ridden dreams about missing photographers and falling cakes.

“Rosie?” I heard a knock at the door. I was still in the bathroom trying not to throw up. “Can I come in?”

I opened the door to see Andi standing there, worry in her eyes. She immediately grabbed me and gave me a hug.

“You need to calm the fuck down,” Andi said in the sweetest way she possibly could. She moved out of out hug, but left her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. “Do you love Brian?”

I laughed, “Of course. Yes.”

“Will your wedding cake falling change that?”

“No, you know it wouldn’t.”

“Are there going to be people at your wedding with cameras other than a photographer?”  
“Yes,” I said softly, my nerves calming a bit.

“Okay. Then you’re fine. If there is a problem, there is a solution. My job is to take care of these things, okay? Your only job today is to get married to the love of your life. And when I get married you can return the favor.”

I laughed and hugged her, resting my head on her shoulder. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Now get a fucking move on. You’re getting married in three hours.”

-0-

I stood in front of the mirror, staring at myself in shock. Never in my life had I looked so beautiful.

I had my hair back in a simple bun, a long lace veil tucked underneath. My mother had let me borrow her simple diamond earrings and bangle and both glimmered in the light. My dress fit my figure perfectly, tighter around my chest and waist, then flaring out with the a-line skirt. The lace details were soft and feminine, as was my makeup. Before opening the door, I slipped on my baby blue heels, all ready to go.

When I walked out of my dressing room I heard a gasp, but not from someone that I expected. Immediately I was in the arms of a very tall man, but before he could swing me around, I heard the protests of my bridesmaids.

“You are so fucking beautiful that my heart is going to break,” he said to me.

I laughed. “Thanks, Jimmy. You ready?”

“I should be asking you that. All I have to do is stand next to Brian and wait for you to get married.”

“And then be Brian’s best man. It’s a hefty job.”

“Fuck, I need to make sure I have the rings,” he said, rifling through his pockets. His face showed relief when he found them. “I am ready to go!”

“Rosie,” I heard my mom whisper. She had tears in her eyes as she pulled me into an embrace. “Your father would be so happy.”

I tried so hard not to cry when she said that, but it became easy when our simple hug became a giant group hug between Val, Andi, Jimmy, my mother, and me. I laughed, hugging all of them the best I could while avoiding messing up my hair.

“Okay girls,” said the wedding coordinator. “Let’s get lined up. And you need to get out front! The boys are already lined up and waiting for us!”

Jimmy mumbled a cuss word under his breath and ran away, going to join the guys at the front of the ceremony.

We moved through the back hallway of the building we got ready in, which was a small and cramped place behind where we were actually getting married. Brian and I had immediately fell in love with the scenery that the location had provided, with all of the beautiful trees and flowers. We were up on a hill in a beautiful park, and our wedding was going to take place on the gorgeous back porch of the park’s main recreational building. The porch had benches for the guests and it was surrounded by trees. I had placed blue flowers strategically around the porch as well, adding to my something blue.

The woman in charge of doing weddings here led us to where we would exit the building and onto the porch. We couldn’t see the guests or the rest of the wedding party, but she ensured us that it was time to go. Val lined up first, her bouquet in her hands, and slowly walked out to meet the guests as the soft piano music began to play over the speakers.

It made me anxious that I couldn’t see what was happening, but I knew I needed to wait so my guests, and Brian, wouldn’t see me. I wrapped my arm around my mother’s arm and she took my hand, squeezing it gently. In this moment I was so happy she was there with me, and even though I missed my father, I was happy to have her walk me down the aisle.

Andi disappeared in front of us, again slowly walking to the music. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, thoughtfully praying for peace and for everything to go as planned. When I opened my eyes the music had changed and I heard the rustling of people standing from their seats. My mother pulled me forward.

After I turned the corner I felt like I was walking on air. I could barely hear the music or see the people around me, all I saw was Brian. He stood at the front of the porch, his best friends behind him, with the biggest grin on his face. When he saw me at first his mouth opened slightly and he put his hand over his mouth, making me smile. He removed his hand and just kept smiling, beyond excited and clearly elated. It was the most wonderful sight I had ever seen.

Before I knew it we had made it to the front of the porch and Brian was right in front of me, biting his lip to contain his excitement. My mother squeezed my hand again, probably to stop me from laughing.

The rest of the wedding was a blur. Brian and I held hands the entire time and we could not stop smiling, practically giggling in joy at every moment. Matt had sung a wonderful song that he wrote for the occasion while Brian played the guitar, which was a total surprise for me. I cried the entire time, unable to contain my emotions, but I didn’t even care. Andi read a poem about love and how wonderful marriage can be. Jimmy had the rings ready to go and didn’t even make a joke about them at all, which I was really grateful for.

Before I knew it we were walking back down the aisle, but this time we were husband and wife.


	41. The Music We Make

Months had passed since our wedding day and for awhile everything had felt surreal. As soon as we had left the wedding, we went to our hotel, where we barely left the bed for almost 24 full hours, making passionate love as often as we could. We spent a short and wonderful honeymoon in the Bahamas, and I ached to go back. But as soon as we got back, it was time to begin working again.

As soon as the boys from Avenged found out why I had been fired from Warner Bros, they asked me to be the lead producer for their next album, which they were planning to mainly produce on their own. I was honored and of course accepted, knowing it was a huge opportunity for me to be the lead, but it was also amazing to be able to work with my husband again.

The guys got to work writing almost right after Brian and I came home from out honeymoon, still sunburned and jet lagged. But the boys were all just so excited to get to work and I could not blame them. After about of month of preliminary work, they rented out a studio.

The recording process had been going on for a little over a month now, which was a little slower than normal, but it made since we had less resources and time in the studio since we were doing this on our own. While they weren’t working, I was doing my best to book studio time with other artists and continue my song writing, which had been going very well. Ever since The Civil Wars put out their album, I was becoming more and more in demand. It was amazing!

Brian and I had moved into his apartment after the honeymoon and Andrea had moved in with Zack. It was weird at first for us not to live together because we had to for years, but it was an exciting and easy adjustment to make. Andi and Zack were happier than ever, even though she had gotten and new job and worked a lot of hours and they didn’t see each other much. They made it work though and I knew they were in it for the long run.

While Brian and I were away, Matt proposed to Val. I was sad I wasn’t there for it, but it had apparently been a really intimate moment between the two of them. I was so happy that she finally got her wish to be with her sweetheart!

Life was becoming routine and rather normal again. Brian and I would get up together and go to the studio on their recording days, work our asses off, come home, and do it all again. It wasn’t like this every day, but I loved being back home and in the studio with him again.

One morning we woke up to go to the studio and I felt so horrible I almost couldn’t get out of bed. That is until I had to; I ran to the toilet and vomited for what seem like hours. Brian freaked out, not knowing what to do, but I told him I had the flu and that he should still go to work. He finally listened to me, leaving me on the bathroom floor to wallow in self pity and nausea.

I had a feeling that I knew what this was all about but I wasn’t quite ready to admit it. My period was late, and I only spotted, which was so abnormal for me. I remembered back to our honeymoon, where they time zone was different and I didn’t always take my birth control pill when I was supposed to or at all. I assumed the vomiting was a result of my irresponsibility.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, though. It was hard for me to get off of my position from the bathroom floor, but eventually I was able to get up and clean myself up. I felt woozy, but good enough to get ready for the day. I needed to figure this out before Brian got home and I needed to figure out how to tell him if my assumption was indeed correct.

-0-

Brian came home late that night and I was on the couch in my sweats, taking advantage of the day off by binging crappy TV shows, even though I still felt pretty crappy. I could have gone in to work, but I didn’t want anyone fretting over me and asking questions, or worrying that I’d get them sick, even though that’s not why I was throwing up.

Yes, I confirmed my suspicions. At least the tests I took from the drugstore did.

I jumped up from the couch when I heard the door open, instantly nervous. This was not something we were planning for and I didn’t really know how he’d take it. I didn’t even know if I should tell him right away, but I felt like the three positive pregnancy tests would most likely have the same results as a doctor anyways, so why wait?

He looked tired and I felt guilty, hoping the day at the studio had gone well. I kissed him on the cheek and hugged me and he asked if I was feeling better.

“Mostly,” I said softly, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the living room. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired. We did a lot of my parts for Almost Easy today and I kept fucking up. And when I’d get a good take the recording kept fucking up.”

“I’m sorry. I could’ve fixed it.”

“You can’t help that you’re sick. You think it was food poisoning?” he asked, plopping down to the couch. “Nothing I can catch, right?”

“No, you can’t catch this,” I said laughing. He gave me an odd look and I sat down on his lap, my legs on either side of his. He ran his hand up my thigh and gave them a squeeze.

“So just a stomach bug?”

“I don’t know if I’d call it a bug,” I said, not quite ready to answer him.

“Well?”

“Brian,” I started, taking a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

He didn’t answer right away, but the grin on his face made everything better. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I think so, at least. I took three tests and they were all positive.”

Brian pulled me in closer, embracing me as tightly as he could. “Rosie. Wow, Rosie!”

I laughed and said, “I am glad you are happy.”

“Of course I am happy. I can’t believe this,” he said, letting me go. He looked me in the eye and cupped my cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby daddy,” I teased, leaning in to kiss him.

We stayed like that for awhile with me in his arms until he couldn’t take it anymore, lifting me up and carrying me to our bed.

-0-

A week later at the studio, we were working on what I called The Masterpiece, also known as A Little Piece of Heaven. Most of the instrumentals had been recorded and we were working on the vocals, which was so much fun. Jimmy was drunk off of his ass most of the time and Matt would lose it, unable to record half of the words because he could not stop laughing. Having all of the guys in the booth to record different parts of the song was so entertaining, but this song took forever because it it. Honestly, we didn’t care; it was too fun.

It was time to record the wedding. All week long the boys had been talking about the wedding and how they wanted to record it, but had no answers.

When Brian and I walked in to the studio, Jimmy did not hesitate. He fell on one knee and pulled out a ring pop, asking me to be the bride in his fucked up wedding verse of his song. I laughed so hard I cried, agreeing right away. There was no way I would pass that up!

They gave me the lyrics and after warming up, Matt and I went into the booth together to sing. It was one of the few times we took the recording seriously, which I was grateful for. We got it down in a few takes.

The song was truly a Masterpiece and I was so proud I could be part of it. Nothing could make me happier right now.

-0-

Months had passed and all of our closest friends, family, and important members of the music industry were there, all ready to celebrate the launch of the new self titled record that we had recorded. I felt bloated, my stomach much larger and rounder than before. I was nervous coming to the party because I felt like none of my dresses looked right because I was getting so fat, and I wouldn’t be able to drink and have fun. But, Brian assured me it would be a great time. And I didn’t really have a choice; I was the lead producer, after all.

There were so many people there and I felt so awkward. I talked with other producers, but some of the older men didn’t take me seriously, especially since I was married to the guitarist and was pregnant with his baby. The men who didn’t know me or my talents said many passive aggressive things, making it clear that they had low expectations for the record. I walked away from them as quickly as possible.

It was hard to stay with Brian because he was being pulled in so many directions. I tried to stick with Andi as much as I could, but she was more sociable than me. Eventually I sat at a table, not even caring if I looked lonely and stupid. My feet were swollen anyways and I was exhausted.

Brian came over a few minutes later, apologizing for leaving me alone. I said I didn’t mind, but was ready to get this show on the road. That was his cue to get the band together and go up on stage.

When the five of them were on the stage, Andi and Val joined me at the table, all three of us so excited about what was to come. Matt took the mic in his hands, signaling for everyone’s attention with an awkward hello. Val giggled at her fiance and I smiled, excited to see him perform for the first time in awhile.

Matt introduced their new song to the crowd, Afterlife. As soon as the prerecorded orchestra came on I smiled, so excited to hear this. I watched Brian the whole time, pride swelling through my whole body. It was amazing watching him. I swore I could even feel the baby stirring, though it was probably too early to tell.

The crowd was into it right away, swaying their heads along to the music. Some girls even danced along, and guys were throwing their fists in the air. It was awesome!

When the song finished the crowd exploded in applause and I stood from my seat, clapping and hollering my praise. Matt waved to the crowd, but before exiting the stage, he took the mic again.

“Thank you so much everyone,” he started. “We hope you enjoyed the sneak peak to our new record. It is a lot different than our others, but we stayed true to our a7x sound.” People cheered after he said that.

Brian went to the mic then. “We have a lot of people to thank,” he started, “including our friends, families, wives, girlfriends, or other.” He said this last thing with a laugh. He found me in the crowd and locked his eyes with mine. “Most of all, though, we need to thank the awesome producers that helped us through this process, especially Rosie, who took the lead on this project and helped create an amazing record. We love you all.”

The crowd applauded and the boys left the stage. I almost skipped to Brian, falling into his arms as he greeted me.

“Thank you,” I said, kissing him. He pulled me in tight.

“It’s true,” he said, kissing me again.

We stayed in each other’s arms for a moment, truly in bliss. I loved this man and was happier than I ever had been before. The baby growing inside of me was going to grow up in a wonderful home, filled with love, hope, and tons of music. I knew that no matter what happened between us, Brian and I would always be together, brought together by the music we make.


End file.
